Twin DD 30 months old born 7 weeks early- signs of ASD or sensory issues?

[GigglyMum123]

Hi, wondering if anyone can help me? I am wondering if we need to ask to go back for a paediatric referral. My DDs were actually discharged at 12 months of age.

We have twins who were 7 weeks prem, both doing well physically but DD3 the youngest (by 2 mins lol) has some real quirks that point me to thinking about possible Aspergers or hypersensitivity issues. If anyone can give me their thoughts I'd be v grateful. Here goes...

• DD walked late at 22 months, before that was able to walk on her knees v effectively. Once we worked out she had hypermobility and bought Ricosta supportive boots she was walking in them outdoors and on gravel within 24 hours.
• DH jokes she is bipolar as she DD is either excessively happy or screaming the house down when out and about, not much in the middle.
• Amazing at puzzles- can do a 49 piece puzzle on her own, a 100 piece with me helping. Older DD only did this at 4.
• V verbal and advanced vocab, engages in conversations we wouldn't expect her to and showing reasoning we didn't see in DD1 (now 7) until again, around age 4.
• V wary of strangers. ^Clings to us in absolute terror in some new situations but we can't predict which and why.
• Noises v upsetting to her, especially in new situations, eg today we went swimming in a new pool, she spent a good deal of time covering ears saying 'noisy', 'scary' and 'want to get out'. We try to desensitise her by staying for a while in new situations but when she is v upset it seems unfair.
• Quite possessive with certain situations with her twin but also loving with her family, v cuddly. *Doesn't understand that she is pushing someone over when trying to get something/past them. *Can flap her arms when excitable. *Walks on tiptoes when not wearing her boots. *Makes good eye contact and role plays with her toys. Even role plays with the puzzle pieces and can make good connections with situations and vocab. *Follows instructions and loves to be given jobs to do. *Can be a fuzzy eater, eats nothing in a sauce. *Used to hate the bath, now mostly loves it but can have odd days when she just goes off on one in the bath. *V v v v bossy! *Often tells us what she doesn't like, what is wrong, how she wants things to be. *Can be controlling and wants her own way. *Had reflux as a baby, was nicknamed the Asbo baby as she was always much more needy than her twin. *Loves reading with us, is obsessed with her Grandad too. *Can reason with her sometimes if you catch her before she goes into full blown paddy mode- she will then calm a little. In some ways is more able to understand some things than other children but you definitely have to know her and she know you. *Will not look at someone new in the eye, averts face,

Sorry, pressed send before I meant to!
I am a teacher and while impressed with her gifts I really want to help her. As a Mum it can be v hard to see her so distressed at times but also I feel the need to rein her in at times too.
Thanks!

If in doubt, do ask for a referral. You're her mum, and when you know, you know. Dont be fobbed off with a "wait and see".

When my ds was assessed for sensory issues by OT one of the first questions she asked was if my ds was a prem baby. Apparently a lot of the children she sees, started life in the scbu.

He wasn't prem, but did spend first 2 weeks in scbu, in an incubator, nose fed, drops etc.

I would be inclined to make life simple and non-demanding for her in terms of getting used to new things or new places or too many changes of scene in one day. What I suppose I am trying to say is, that intellectual development and emotional development don't always go hand in hand, so she may appear very advanced in some ways, but may still need to be babied in others.

My NT daughter liked to be in a pushchair when she was 4.5 years; she felt safer on journeys, and hated walking long distances, although extremely athletic and active in other ways. People told me it was babyish, but if she needed it..then it was what she needed. At 5 she wouldn't have wanted to go in a pushchair because it wasn't cool!

A lot of small children may find swimming pools very overwhelming, without any long term problems. I would be guided by her. If she doesn't want to go swimming now at tender age of 30 months, try again when she is a bit older, you may find it is the right time.

Disclaimer: I have two children with sensory needs, one with ASD, and I think it is a question of adapting to what child needs and see how it goes over next year or two, rather than feeling there is a big difficulty now, and getting stressed by it. Your input now, at home, to make her feel safe, will be better than anything professionals can offer you. Try reading Out of Synch Child and Out of Synch Child has fun for some ideas.

Children are also programmed to find strangers dangerous, again this is something they grow out of later, but forcing her to be friendly to new and strange people, or leaving her with people she doesn't know well before she is ready....well eventually she will be ready but maybe not for another year. You cannot force her to be ready before she is. I can remember being petrified of strangers and strange places to the extent that my mum couldn't leave me at a birthday party aged 5. I grew out of it, but not because she forced me to stay against my will. It was a slow process of gaining trust.

I suppose what I am saying, is that sometimes you have to give your child permission to develop at their own rate not some arbitrary idea of what kids of a certain age should be ready for.