Feel like I should be doing more....!

[lourobert]

I often feel guilty that im not putting enough time and effort into my son to encourage his development and skills- I feel guilty for sitting and watching TV for an hour as I think its time that I should be putting into working with my son.

It is ok not to put every moment into it isnt it...i mean you'd crash and burn if you did, right?? We do so much with him but Im worried its just not enough!

Ive accepted he'll always have severe developmental delay which is why I think i should maybe be putting in that bit more effort....it just feels like so pressure!

Oh, lourobert, please don't feel guilty. You need time to recharge your batteries and must do other things too for your sanity & general well-being.
I know what you mean as DD has a complex mix of needs with GDD too and I always feel I should be doing more. As time goes by, I realise that a more relaxed mother is often better for her ........easy to say though as I don't think you ever really stop feeling guilty or worried.

Hi Lourobert.

Reading your post was like listening to myself talking in my head every day. The dreaded daily guilty feeling that I think we feel towards all of our children, not just sn. I think that when you are given all these "tasks" to do by the various professionals who work with our kids and you have so much "work" to do with them every day, the reality is you are not going to do these every day (sometimes, I look back in the week and think what a lazy cow ive been because I havn't done any "homework" with ds1) I don't think the feeling of guilt ever goes away. I think that when you have a sn child and they require much more encouragment, physio, portage, and generally more attention all round, you just can't spend every waking spare hour with them and "run" your house, life and not to mention other kids aswell. I feel guilty most of the time about not spending enough one to one time with ds1's brother and sister. Sometimes, it feels like you spend every day feeling flippin' guilty. I now try and not feel guilty and take (a little) solice in the good educational kids programms (which ds1 would prefere to spend time watching anyway). Take "Something Special" for example (a makaton signing programme for kiddies)of cbeebies. What a triumph!!! And ds1 loves it. So please take sollice in the fact that you are not the only one who feels guilty on a daily basis for putting your feet up and reading the paper, I think feeling guilty comes with parenting anyway sn or not!

You must have down time and so must your DS. I strongly believe that anyone who spends every waking hour "working" with their child is not doing anyone any favours, least of all their child. They must learn to relax and "do nothing". I used to feel guilty just like you but now I see those few parents who are still working hard at it many years later, I think they are living an unrealistic life with unrealistic expectations and not teaching themselves or their child to "chill"!

Davros is spot on.
I am a salt with people with ld and I can honestly say the families that seem happiest and best adjusted (irrespective of child's areas of need) are those where everyone has a chance to be themselves and the whole focus of the family is not the child.

I would argue that consistency is the most important thingrather than quantitiy.

Better to do say 10 mins of a lang. programme a day than an hour for a month which will then make you crash and burn.

Also you need to incorporate your programme into daily life (eg language therapy aims) and not make it an add on.

Enlist help,ask grandparents and family to do their bit too.

It's hard,it really is.

Most days I feel I haven't done enough with DS (19months). Has he had enough fresh air, enough books, enough stimulation, the right nutrition....... it goes on. Trying to juggle the needs of DS and DH and the home, I end up spending more time feeling guilty and not doing any of it - the tele usually wins.
I can say I don?t think you're alone in feeling you could do more. We all seem to have done ok and I'm sure those that brought us up took time out and didn't do it exactly as by the books/experts!! So hang in there I'm sure you're doing a great job!!!!

I really think this is doubly true with SN kids who can't occupy themselves by playing like NT kids do - you feel like you MUST keep them busy with stimulation. However I've been forced in recent years, by having 2 other kids, to let my DS be "bored" & amuse himself & I actually think it has forced him to do a little more imaginative play - well renacting whole chunks of favourite tv or films - than he ever would have if I was constantly trying to do all those therapy type activities that my guilty conscience tells me I should be doing