Banging my head against a wall

[Msqueen33]

Dd is six and has autism and ADHD. Today she had a bad day. Her afternoon 1:1 who normally only has her in the afternoon had her this morning to looked so fed up. She had a different teacher in this morning.

I've been telling them for ages she's stressed as she's jumping all over the place and is biting her nails again.

They know I'm flexible with school doing whatever they need to adapt her education. But sometimes I find I'm banging my head on a brick wall and they want to force her to be normal and do what all the other kids do. And they're disappointed when she has a rough day. Tomorrow she has to go and watch a class do their Christmas performance. She's not happy as it's not the year her sister is in. I've already said I'm not fussed if she doesn't want to go. But sometimes I feel like no one really gets her. I offer my solutions and they go and do what they want which in part is fine and I know i need to trust them. But it's hard letting go.

Difficulty is she seems to want to go to school. I knew it would be stressful and then the jumping and nail chewing started again. I've already said if she doesn't fancy watching the Christmas play not to make her go. Maybe I'll suggest she takes Friday afternoon off for a bit of a break. She probably could do with some time out. I hate seeing her stressed out. She was horrible to me when I picked her up so I knew she must be quite wound up.

Could you phrase it a different way?

They may (wrongly) be translating the "o don't care if she does x y or z" as you suggesting they don't upset her iyswim?

It may be better to say something like you understand how much DD finds busy environments difficult and you know DD can't manage x for long and you trust them to make appropriate alternative arrangement for her and be reassured you won't be asking them why DD was sat in library whilst everyone else did xxxxx.

I get on well with her LSA's. They're fab with her. Her afternoon one I think struggles more. I did say to them I'm not fussed what she does or doesn't take part in. I'll mention it again tomorrow. Lunchtime is a huge issue as she always wants to sit with a certain person and kicks off if she doesn't. In part during stressful times I'd probably be more lenient or let her eat lunch somewhere else. The problem is they don't want to get into habits. Even when she's stressed. I even offered to send her iPod in as music chills her out but they don't want her doing that. I get the impression they want her to fit in. Remove all her autistic behaviours (head isn't hugely supportive of children with Sen but it's the best of the schools locally).

I had a word with her morning LSA about potentially bringing her home for the odd lunchtime but she is worried about habits setting in then trying to break them. I know they won't make her do anything she doesn't want it to and I think her morning LSA has a better handle on her and can deal with her better but I feel so helpful. Teamed with a different non verbal nearly four year old who doesn't sleep im not sure I'll make it to Christmas.