Taking your child's view on school choices into account

[FrayedHem]

DS1, ASD, Yr6 has made it very clear he wants to go to the local secondary school and doesn't want any kind of help. He is very conscious of being "different", he know's his dx but gets upset at any kind of conversation about it. This has really increased since he started puberty about 6 months ago, so I think that may be adding into the mix a bit.

But. I really, really do not think the local secondary is going to be a good match for him. It took months to get a SENCo appointment and when it did finally happen it was very rushed and basically they support children well in Maths English and Science but not so much for anything else. There won't be any class TAs, PE is like it or lump it and he can have help if he asks for it. the words "maternal response" and "letting go" cropped up more than once.

We've actually requested an ASD base. We hadn't told him, because the chances of getting the place are very against us. I thought it would suit him well, but if he is going to be so resistant, perhaps I am wrong. Our next plan was Home Ed but when I brought up things like interhigh is when I got the response of wanting to go to a "normal school otherwise I will feel weird."

I've already told the local school he won't be going. Obviously I can climb down from that, and providing the statement is transferred to the EHCP the panel would have no problems naming it. H thinks if that's what he wants we should let him try it. I think we are setting him up for failure. DS1 hates home/school crossover and if he was getting bullied or struggling in anyway he wouldn't tell us. He hates that there is a communication book at primary and has asked me to stop it. (I've refused). Similar comments about TA support.

I am conflicted tbh. I know H and I have to reach a decision, but I'd be interested to hear other experiences or what you would do.

It's good to hear it worked out well. DS1 also had a primary school move due to the first not working out. His current one was better but has recently fallen apart so I can't really call that move a success either!

DS1 doesn't ever admit how bad things are at school, so I am not sure how I would judge whether it was working. The assessments and tests at school atm are causing him to have meltdowns in class (school have told me) but DS1 claims that tests are "no problem and you just move on to the next question if you can't answer". Which is exactly what he isn't able to do atm. He's unable to sleep, irritable and generally unhappy but he doesn't connect this with school.

I'm not concerned about the school in a general way, I'll happily send DS2 the following year. My issue is the SEN provision is very rigid; they have a dedicated wing but the pupils have to be below standard in Maths English and Science. As DS1 doesn't meet that criteria, he'll be in the mainstream without support.

All the teachers are being upskilled in SEN, but as the SENCo had never heard of children having issues with PE kits and told me it was a matter of getting firm with sensory issues, I am doubtful of the quality of training they will get.

DS1 desperately wants to be like everyone else but sticks out more than he is aware of. He won't wear a bag on his shoulder or back, so holds his belongings in front of him with his arms wrapped around them. He doesn't really walk it's more of a scurry. His current classmates treat him well as the school is one where despite its problems, children are very encouraged with accepting everyone iykwim. I'm not sure secondary is going to be quite such an understanding place.

DH doesn't think it's the right school either but is more towards trying it than I am. H has always tried to come along to the big meetings etc but his workload is going to increase massively next year so the school dealings are going to be down to me.

I think we're going to have to try and get DS1 to discuss it openly, rather than him running off shouting that we are trying to make him weird.