Has anyone else been in denial?

[TheOtherMrsDeWinter]

Hi!

I'm a lurker. I've not posted in here before so hi.
It has recently hit me like a ton of bricks that my ds1 is more than a little different and that he's probably not going to outgrow his challenges.
I've flirted with the idea that he's different in the past but always come back to believing that he would outgrow any "quirks". I usually am quite an incisive person but it seems I'm developing a track record of being blissfully unaware of my sons various issues. For eg he has a squint that I literally could not see! He has joint hyper mobility and is going for dyspraxia assessment in a few days and I think the OT will refer to paed for ASD too as he has many of the traits.
I know they say love is blind but what is the matter with me?
I just watched his nativity and he stuck out like sore thumb for being different (not to mention his stimming behaviours). I feel like someone has lifted a veil from my eyes in the last week and I am astounded that I really haven't acknowledged that he is going to need a lot of support in one way or another. He is 6.5 but has been different from his peers since birth with hindsight.
Am I alone in being like this?

My ds is 8 and I find a lot of the time I think things are going really well and ds is just like every other child then something happens to make me realise he is not. He has HFA, dyslexia, dysgraphia and a fine motor difficulty. I slip in and out of denial all the time.

I'm still partly in denial 3 years after DD's diagnosis. I still can't quite believe she actually has a learning disability. She has all the additional support she needs at school but is still behind socially and academically. I don't know why I can't fully accept it. I'm not sure I ever will.

Thanks guys

Yes that feeling that one of the posters have said that some days u completely forget that ur child has ASD then others days it's incredibly obvious and u really realise how different they are. It is hard to come to terms with and very difficult but we just have to soldier on and carry on as we have no other options unfortunately!

I have 2 children with complex needs and an adult son with aspergers .
The thing is when you live with it they are normal to you because that is your reality and you dont " see" it a lot of the time.
My 10 yr old was doing an event at his special school yesterday and it came as a bit of a surprise that his work is like that of a toddler because i had " forgotten" how delayed he is because we just accept and love him as he is.
How mad is that? Forgetting not loving obviously!!

I think until they're next to a peer you just get use to it. Also I find it's hard to accept two of my child have a learning disability. I think denial is quite normal.

Totally understand the denial. My DD was diagnosed with ASD at 11 (we probably realised at 9), but looking back there were signs from age 2.

I am also in denial. I can't quite bring myself to accept that DS1 has special needs, though of course he does as he is clearly on the spectrum, we are just waiting for the SALT appointment as the first step to assessment. It also became clear at the meeting with the Dr who referred to SALT that I am somewhere on the spectrum and that lots of DS1's issues are things I struggle with, just to a lesser degree. I always assumed I was clumsy and tactless (though very bright as is DS1 - no learning disability) but it turns out I was probably just autistic. Ho hum. Whilst I am relieved to know there is an explanation for DS1's weird and recently violent and awful behaviour, I feel sad because I now know he won't grow out of it and no amount of my reading parenting behaviour books and implementing their strategies will change it either.

Thanks for replying, it's good to know I'm not alone.
There are definitely a lot of high functioning undiagnosed men on my side of the family so perhaps everything is just normalised for me in that sense (they were labelled as naughty back in those days,sadly) I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future!
Ds1 is in the private school system and this, along with a dismissive gp means that we've gone for a private assessment with OT with possible referral onto a paed. I'm now seeing that this might end up not being the right way to go about it but it's where we are 🤔
He's not made any progress at school for ages and he's already down a year. I just want to help him but I'm feeling guilty for not pushing harder earlier on and I regret not standing up for myself at that first gp appointment where I was told I was neurotic and asked why I wanted to label my son 😳😪

Don't blame yourself though as a mum guilt seems to come too easily. My youngest has autism and was diagnosed earlier in the year with coeliac disease. It took four trips to the Gp then my husband took her before anyone listened. I think we get use to a different version of normal.