Help with daytime wetting

[thelastwingedthing]

My 8 year old DD is in the process of being assessed. I set things in motion thinking it was ADHD, but the more I think on it the more similarities I see with myself as a child, and I'm probably an Aspie. The psychologist is not experienced with girls with ASD so I'm not overly optimistic about the outcome of the assessment.

One of her biggest issues is daytime wetting and then sitting in wet pants until they dry on her. Most of the time she just doesn't seem to notice that she needs to go. At other times she does notice but holds it until the feeling goes away, or leaves it too late to get to a toilet in time.

I used to do the same thing, and I can remember that feeling of needing to go but it not being a high enough priority to be worth devoting runtime to. Ignore the feeling and it goes away, so you can get on with more interesting things, right? My mother was driven to tears by it. I stopped when I was about 12, I think because at that point I became aware of other people's responses to it and I desperately wanted to fit in.

Since I realised she wasn't doing it on purpose I've tried to relax about it, though knowing that she's smearing wee over our furniture does really bother me. I just remind her to change her pants regularly and insist that she go to the toilet before we go anywhere. I would really like to help her stop sooner rather than later though. Kids can be brutal, and she's getting to the age where her classmates will start to comment on it.

So, has anyone had success with helping a child stop the wetting at this age?

I should probably add that she doesn't wet the bed.

Following with interest as my DD (6) is very similar. I do think that there's also some anxiety in the mix with her as she can't ask an unfamiliar adult if she can go to the toilet (eg supply teacher) or ask in any situation where she thinks the answer might be 'no'.

Are the school being helpful? Does the teacher say to your dd to go to the toilet at regular times? I have an 8 year old ds who is mostly ok during the day now. With him he needed to get into a routine of going to the toilet at set times. Sometimes he does need a bit of persuading to go but mostly he is ok. He sometimes wets the bed at nightime. I think this maybe because of anxiety.

Hopefully you will get some good advice from others on here.

There's no active management at school. I've had to speak to them once about letting her go immediately if she says she needs to, but most of the time if she's actually told to go she'll dig in her heels and insist that she doesn't need to.

I hope someone else will come along with some good advice. My ds can be persuaded to go now I dont know what I would do if he wouldn't go. I think it helps if you can work together with the school. Is it possible to get advice from the educational psychologist? My ds' school are really good and speak to the educational psychologist for advice when they think it appropriate.

Did you ever get to the bottom of this?? Following with interest as my 6yr old son is the same - won't go, and won't be persuaded, so leaks, permanent wet patch. Better things to do and has to be on his own terms. I either fight with him or have him (and house) smell of wee, grim. Please tell me you found something that works 😬

You might do better to start your own thread.

Trouble is, and this is just my opinion, when a child is often wet they can lose the sensation of the difference between wet and dry. Wet is the new normal, the feedback loop fails. Getting a good spell of dryness creates a virtuous circle, because the feedback of wet vs dry kicks in again.

Youcan buy toilet timer watches that buzz every couple of hours. You could try that, with a reward, or build regular toilet trips into his daily routine. Rather than just at bedtime and when you leave the house, add in before or after meals or ipad time, for example.

Also I find that liquid that goes in in dribs and drabs comes out in dribs and drabs. Decent size drinks are better than sips. Make sure he is drinking plenty - ideally at least 6 drinks a day of 200ml a time - breakfast break lunch, pm break, after school, tea - so he has that feedback loop of his bladder feeling the stretch. Reward the drinking and responding to the timer/routine, not the dryness.

This is the kind of stuff we were told for our NT child so you may have to adapt it. Daytime wetness will probably warrant a referral to enuresis clinic if that's a route you want to go down. Try www.eric.org.uk for more ideas. You might find that, even though you think he's choosing not to go, his bladder isn't sending him the right signals and something like oxybutynin could help reset it.