Senco meeting - Bollocks! :(

[SilkThreads]

Aaagh.
So, new school.
before we started we spoke to outgoing Head who said ds would be put on schools sn register, a profile would be drawn up within 4 weeks of starting and he would be referred for ASD assess immediately.
(prev private assess that further ASD assess required but old NHS / LA would not accept)
I asked (nicely) if new Head would also agree and outgoing one said: 'don't worry, I am acting Head atm but actually Director of Education for this Church School area and I will ensure it is done. We later spoke to new Head and she also agreed.

To be fair, we have only been there half a term which I appreciate is nothing.
But, met with Senco today (termly meeting) and she said: 'oh, ds doing fine' He is not in any support groups (academically or socially). No profile has been done. The letter she was to write to GP re sleep issues - she's 'not had time, and why do we want it anyway' (having prev agreed). No support for learning yet as 'been very busy'.
(he's done the tests but she's not marked them yet).
WE don't yet have a reading age or Maths results.
We do know his spelling age is 3.10 years behind.
At the end we asked how the referral was going and she said: he's not been referred - I don't think he needs to be'.
We explained about prev Head and current Head say so and she said: 'well, in MY opinion, and I DO have a Masters you know, he doesn't need it - why are you so anxious about it - I have it all under control. when he goes up to High School (this is a middle school) I will write ASD on his file, but I am not a Doctor you know'.
We explained that A she might not always be there and B if we changed school it would need to be more formal and she got really shirty.
She had to leave to collect a child (fair enough) but refused to make a date for a 'further meeting' where she said she could offer 'strategies' to 'support at home' despite having a copy of a Report which recommends Melatonin and ADOS.

Aaargh. Are we stuck with this person as a barrier, or is there a way around it?

If you have got the senco to the point of repeating her qualifications and refusing follow up meetings already you are definitely being too aggressive and frankly need to stop micromanaging their school experience

Or, perhaps she is unwilling to explain how she will support my children's obvious academic difficulties and simply parrots: 'I am a professional'?
H was stunned by her attitude as well, so not just me, and his standards are far lower than mine.
she hasn't refused a follow up meeting. I just don't see the point atm as she is not going to offer any more SfL and the ASD asses is clearly not her remit.

Have you had any play dates? Joined the PTA? Been to any school events? Started any clubs locally or at school? Planned local adventures? Decorated their rooms? Started Christmas lists?

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I don't need reminding how to be a Mum, thanks...

Wow zzzzz completely uncalled for post. This area should be a safe space, free from personal attacks.

You have made huge assumptions about the OP which came across as a personal attack.

If you have got the senco to the point of repeating her qualifications and refusing follow up meetings already you are definitely being too aggressive and frankly need to stop micromanaging their school experience. Be the Mum not the advocate for a bit.

zzzzz you have never met the senco, yet you have decided to put the blame squarely at the OP's door, this is a huge assumption on your part and frankly if I were the OP I would read that as a personal attack too.

You are usually such a fantastic help to posters on this board (including myself, under my various name changes) but in this instance I think you got it wrong. We will have to agree to disagree.

It felt a bit personal to me, too.

too aggressive... frankly need to stop micromanaging

you don't know how I approached the meeting so those are big assumptions

Be the Mum not the advocate for a bit

Well, often on here you hear the phrase:
'You are your child's best Advocate'.
I think you can do that and be a Mum?

I'd come on for clarification about the role of a Senco (which I got, helpfully, upthread) and also to post my concerns about her odd statements re Dyslexia (H is dyslexic and was furious about her remarks about 'brains not working') and lack of SfL provision.

I wondered if I was being oversensitive but I see that bookeatingboy also thought it was a bit harsh.

zzzzz
You cannot categorically say my approach with this professional is aggressive - you were not there and you can only assume. Did you miss the bit about my H being upset about her manner too, or does that automatically mean HE is aggressive as well?

Poltergoose
you've had tons of support on here for many years...
well, that assumes that you know me under a different name doesn't it?
and that I would want you to discuss that if that were the case?
I didn't think that was good form on MN, but I may be wrong.

I wasn't discussing relationships with the School but the specific attitude of one specific member of staff (NOT the Head, or the Director of Education, you will note both of whom seem good and both of whom I have a good relationship with). It is not about personalities, it is about whether SfL should be provided to a child with specific learning difficulties (already assessed and accepted).

as for 'backed into a corner' - I asked if ds was getting support for learning and if so did it occur in / out general classroom and what form did it take. I said that I was interested so that I could try to use the same sort of techniques at home so that ds was getting uniform approach. the Senco said he was not getting support, might do next year and said that the forms of support 'depended on what the child enjoyed' (fair enough). When H looked a bit unimpressed she started repeating the 'I've got a Masters' thing. This is her first position as Senco and she is recently out of college, I understand (she told us).

Hi OP, sorry to hear that this meeting was so upsetting for you. For what it's worth, I don't think you've come across as aggressive towards the senco, not in the slightest.

It's perfectly reasonable for you to expect the school to support your son in all his areas of difficulty. And for them to follow through on promises they've made regarding support for him.

Half a term is easily long enough for them to have a fair idea of where he's struggling and would benefit from extra support and/or accommodations.

I also agree with you that giving a child with anxiety issues a sanction for something that's ridiculously petty and not even their fault, is unhelpful in the extreme.

And it's easier said than done to "help your son make friends", as another poster said, when he's on the autistic spectrum And in any case, why would your concerns about the school supporting his learning mean that you're not paying attention to his social behaviour?

It sounds as though your SENCO reacts defensively to any questioning of what she's doing. Which obviously makes things very difficult for you. I don't have any practical advice as I'm still pretty new to dealing all of this myself but have you got anyone else you and DH can bring to meetings with you for moral support? Someone else who can back you up where needed?

zzzzz It's not a case of 'winning' - how bizarre. sorry you feel that way.

poltergoose unfair to pretend you don't know ?? That's unkind.

Maybe I can just get some straight advice on this thread?

I just wanted to ask some stuff:
eg Ds is diagnosed with Dysgraphia. Yet Senco, who is also English teacher, gets him to stop part way through every piece of writing to make a 'fair copy'. He was upset recently (he was doing the 'Life' of a famous person and had only got to when person was 8!) and was really anxious about it. I asked if he could be allowed to keep writing and to do the 'fair copy' at home and she was REALLY irritated. Now, she might not want that for various reasons, fair enough, but to roll eyes and mention her Masters was not really enlightening for H and I either.
Clearly she felt 'questioned' but, it is a fair enough question.
Ditto asking about what techniques she uses?
Why would she have a problem with that?

As I say, 'relationships' with all other staff members fine.
I've been volunteering for reading groups (not my kids classes!) and have been made very welcome. They are a nice bunch.

You've got a clear mismatch of expectations, both in terms of what should be provided, how quickly it should be provided and what level of accountability you should expect from the school.

For the teaching staff it must be very hard to say with any certainty what is down to personality, what is learning style, what is down to learning difficulty, what is down to unfamiliarity and settling.....we're talking about the first half-term at the school.

DD2's new teacher had written 'does she not understand? Is she distracted? Does she just not get it?? I don't know!' about DD2, because after one half-term of knowing her, she hadn't worked out what was odd about DD2's reactions, she'd just been brave enough to admit that she'd noticed that they were odd.

I don't know the back story here. Or maybe I once did and have forgotten...I've been away a while. But what I do know is that if I was in a bit of a fix, I'd hope that zzzzz or poltergoose were nearby. So if you do know what they're alluding to, perhaps give it some thought to see if you might be more successful by altering your approach. But as I say, I'm not speaking from a place of knowledge.

Senco at schools can be very obstructive and damaging. Watch your back!!
I hope you can turn this around but it really doesn't currently look that great.

I agree that it is a clear mismatch of expectations.

My expectations being falsely raised by outgoing Head.

I have good relations with all other staff.

Kids have settled well and are integrating into village and doing extracurricular stuff too. it's all good.

re 'watch your back' - well, I wont ask this senco for anything as she clearly wont bother and then will get defensive etc. No point.

hugely disappointing though.