Dd 5 what would you do?

[Buddy198]

Dd 5 has been sleeping in with us for a year now since she developed a fear of sleeping alone, and phobia about the noise of any wind (then was imagining it when it wasn't there). We tried everything and all of us were getting so seriously sleep deprived and stressed, we let her in our room and it became habit.

It is now causing problems between me and dh who wants her to try going back in her own bed, I want her to as well but like every time we tried before (last time was 2 months ago) she will get distressed to the point of gagging, hyperventilating and is petrified, her heart was pounding so fast and hard it scared me she'd collapse or something, she also gets angry and hits, kicks, throws things, then starts hurting herself and I can't bear to let my child be like that when bringing her in with us makes her calm and happy immediately.

Dh says what's the worst that can happen, I'm scared she will actually pass out or really hurt herself and maybe even damage her psychologically, please help and tell me what you would do? He wants to try again this weekend and to just not give in even if it goes on all night 🙁

Personally I think you and your Dp need to be on the same page as each other before you try to make such a big change to your Dd's routine.

Have you thought about a camp bed next to your bed to start with?

We have similar problems. The only way ds will sleep in his bed is if someone sleeps in the room with him. Otherwise he is on an air bed on the floor of our bedroom (if we put him in his bed he would climb into ours in the early hours). I think it would take a sustained effort on our part over many sleepless nights to break the habit but neither DH or I could face that. I just hope when he is a teenager he will decide he wants his own space .

What I honestly would do is keep my child in my (our) room if they showed such massive levels of anxiety sleeping along. I think it's very unfair that us adults in relationships get the comfort and company of a companion over night but small children who show distress over being alone are expected to just deal with it. Dh isn't here to ask but I imagine he's on the same page.

When I was little I shared a room with my sister but still I can remember the doors and walls receding from me in the darkness until I was in a huge scary cavern. Then I'd get in with my sis.

I do believe forcing a child to do something so very far out of their comfort zone can be psychologically damaging and she's communicating with you with her whole body how terrified she is.

There are ways to deal with things like this and they are slow and take time. And they will be much harder to accomplish if you've initially lost her trust by forcing her in her room for a whole night.

I let my ds sleep in with me until he felt ready to sleep on his own. He was sleeping with me until he was 8. If he was anxious at night time I think it would have had an impact on his behaviour during the day. I hope you can find a solution you are all happy with.

Have you tried a camp bed next to her bed or even getting her a bigger bed and sleeping with her? Initially all night then gradually moving quietly to your own bedroom.

I would make a floor bed in her bedroom and sleep together there for a while, then eventually you can (hopefully) move back to your own bedroom when she feels more secure in her own room. There is no way in hell I would do what your husband suggests.

Thanks for the suggestions, we have very different parenting ideas unfortunately so it's hard to get on the same page when it comes to these things, dd has recently had a diagnosis of borderline ASD but her anxiety, sensory issues and signs of demand avoidance make me certain it can't be "borderline" because these aren't stand alone conditions are they? I'd much rather wait to address the sleeping once we start getting some professional help for dd and us, dh has now after much discussion agreed and we'll wait til then.

She's only 5 bless her but after chatting about why she doesn't like sleeping alone she said she wouldn't mind sleeping in her room at bed time up until we go to bed, which is a start, it's when we go to bed she doesn't like sleeping alone. I just wish I could take her fear and anxiety away and for her to feel as relaxed and secure as most of her friends do about going to sleep: (