How can I deal with difficult playground situations for ds (Aspergers)?

[Aloha]

Ds is doing well at school most of the time. He likes the classroom, but like lots of children on the spectrum (he is at the milder end and academically very capable), is struggling at break times. He gets picked on a bit and it is putting him off school. For example, this morning I was trying to find out why he was crying about going to school and he is being pushed in the playground, made fun of, and also, when he tries to play with people 'they give me away mummy. They take me over to someone, say, 'you play with him' and run away'
Found out some of the pushing is by a boy with more severe special needs so was able to explain to ds that this boy wasn't very good at making friends, and he doesn't dislike ds he just doesn't know how to behave, just like some children can't run fast, and other children can't read etc, and he was totally OK with that. It is MUCH harder to explain NT behaviour to him! Anyhoo...today arrived at school to be handed his trousers in a carrier bag and told he had had an accident. Fine, but odd as he never, ever does. Get home, find out he was punished in the playground by being made to stand by the wall, and he was told not to move, so was too afraid to tell them he needed the loo. Further questioning reveals he was punished for showing his bottom. Why? "because two girls were playing a game with me. They were spitting at me (not at each other, btw) to see who could be the rudest...and so I thought I'd win by showing my bottom." When ds tries to explain this to the playground supervisor he's told he's lying and is the only one punished. I am pretty certain he is telling the truth btw. Now, I'm not going to barge in all enraged etc, but I do want to find ways to help ds in a situation where he clearly out of his depth and honestly cannot tell if someone is playing with him or being mean. Any advice?

Hi Aloha DS2 has a helper with him at lunchtime, which makes things easier, as left to his own devices he would either spend all playtime running the same route around the playground again and again, or getting into fights.
Anyway they always get 1 or 2 of his classmates to join him for part of the lunchtime and the helper does a game with them , something like hide and seek or catching balls and beanbags.
The other children always seem quite willing to go with DS2 and his helper and any child who doesn't want to doesn't have to.
He also goes into class early and has 10min time on the computer which he loves and it gives him time to settle back into the quiet of the classroom before the other children arrive, because he can take a while to calm down if he has been running around and they do quiet reading straight after lunch.
We have in the past, had quite a bit of trouble with bottom showing as well

He'd leap at the chance of ten extra minutes on the computer! Mind you, he loves reading too. But it's certainly something to think about. Thanks.
He was having trouble at mealtimes when he was having school dinners - didn't eat, very unhappy, but is much better since having packed lunches.
I just don't know who to invite. The boys in his class just seem so different to him, tbh. Into Dr Who and running about (perfectly normally and naturally) but ds isn't. He used to have girlfriends, but they went to different schools or moved away, and it seems that mixing isn't the thing when they get to five

what does he like?

(have you only got one class at school?)

FWIW, I invite girls round for ds to play with (also age 5) and dd has boys round (age 6). Although they may not play together in the playground, they still see each other in class and seem to quite like having a chance to play together at home iyswim.

Maybe a girl would be a better option to start with then?

I must say until this year I would not have known who to invite either. When asked to name his friends DS5 would vehemently say "No-one-I have no friends!"
Perhaps you could just pick the most likely one who would share your DSs interests and see how it goes? (Does he have any special interests by the way?)
My DS5 also goes into school early. He has the job of doing the Visual Timetable at the front of the class. It works really well as he did not cope with the morning rush-he used to just stand around in a dream!

We also had problems with school dinners when he tried them at the beginning of yr1, because the dinner ladies insisted he eat everything on his plate, it caused lots of problems so we went back to packed lunches.
However, we have just started school dinners again, as he really wanted to and he now will try a lot more types of food and his helper does not make his eat everything as long as he trys it.
It's the puddings that make it all worthwhile for him, he just loves all that apple pie and custard and ice cream and chocolate sauce.
I must say I keep the playdate time quite select, we had quite a difficult time in yr1 and I just stopped all playdates.
He does have an older brother though and he has friends to play as well.
We now do playdates for DS2 about once every couple of weeks and stick to the same 2 boys in his class.

I thinkl the issue with playtime is that there is a sharp divide between the children (mostly girls) who want to walk round/ sit down and chat/ whisper to each other and the (mostly but not exclusively) boys who want to tear around and let off steam. The children who fall between these two camps were not well catered for at our school.

We have recently invested in games for the outside space and there are play tables with jigsaws, drawing stuff, outdoor chess and draughts pieces etc. There is normally an adult to supervise this area and engage children who might be feeling excluded from other activities. It seems to have worked well.

We also have the friendship benches and buddy system which is fantastic for all children IMO - really fosters a sense of community and responsibility to others. HTH

I have found play dates v. difficult with my ds. It is hard to explain if your kids does not have AS but my ds just finds it v. hard to interact appropriately. He was behaving stupidly and getting into temper tantrum when I invited other children round (except one or two kind girls). In the end I just gave up as I felt it might make him get picked on even more as other kids might report back to their mates about his odd behaviour. It is really heart breaking and I wish I had more of answer. I think the idea of a rota system sounds fantastic and I wish my ds's school would do something like that.

Also bear in mind that playdates with new school friends can be a bit hit and miss to start with. if the class has only just come together as a whole there will be a lots of shaking down to do before real friendships emerge IMO. I would wait and see what happens in the next few weeks.

My ds's circle of friends only really emerged at the start of year 1.

Tiggiwinkle - ds2 also goes in first to do his visual timetable, gets over all the lining up bit which was a big problem.
I think what helps for him as well, is that now that he is a bit older the rest of the class do realise that he is a bit different and they take that into account, this has been helped by the teacher doing positive work about inclusion and differences etc
When he was younger I think the other children thought he was a bit odd and he used to bite and scratch so they were a bit frightened of him.
Oh just remembered, we also have year 6 "captins" who each get given a class to look out for.
Last year we had a really lovely girl who had a bit of a soft spot for the SN children, so she would always check on them in the playground.
DS2 liked her so much he named a teddy after her

isgrassgreener-I agree that it helps if the rest of the class are able to understand a bit about AS. My DSs school has an outreach teacher (from one of the special needs schools in the borough) come in to talk to the whole school about autism. He came in one day especially to speak to DS5's class about Asperger's and the teacher said it was a really good experience for them all.
(DS5 is aware that he has AS and had tried to explain it to some of the children in his class. They had laughed at him and said AS did not exist, so the teacher asked if he would like someone to tell the class about it, and he said he would).

Thanks for all this. It is very useful. Will write a lot of ideas down and take them to the meeting tomorrow morning. I might start a general thread too. I like the outdoor games and the mentoring by older children a lot.
Ds has no obsessions whatsoever, except possibly books of all kinds. He never has had. Totally uninterested in trains, Dr Who etc! He likes to do stuff on the computer, but not games. He's mad about translating stuff into French on google language tools atm - not, I think, a basis for a firm friendship in his class!

He is really very flexible and doesn't need visual timetables or anything. He doesn't much like fitting in with a group, tbh, but is not IMO remotely unmanageable unless the staff are really cocking things up.

Hope the meeting is going well this morning, Aloha.