We live in France but are British and speak English at home. DS1 (3.5) started French maternelle/pre-school in September. I was advised to see a specialist/school psychologist in March as he was having trouble at school and after observing him over a few days the psychologist has suggested he might have ASD.
It has been a shock as, although he is a pretty wilful child, I never thought there was a serious problem and put any issues down to his age, the jealousy when his younger brother arrived when he was two-years-old and that he started at a busy French school just before he turned three. Oh, and the fact that I'm not a very strict parent. I'm feeling very guilty that maybe I've missed something?
I've been doing some research on ASD and he definitely does have some traits but others that would point to him not being on the spectrum. So, for example, he does not have very strong social skills, he doesn't seem to need the company of other children and will not often seek them out to play with, apart from one older boy we know and, maybe tellingly, another boy in his class who is severely autistic. He tends to be in his own imaginary world a great deal and will happily play with his cars and lorries, dinosaurs and Lego for a long time. He used to find playgroups/singing groups quite challenging and hated circle time. He still struggles to sit down and join in with activities at school. At birthday parties or playdates I will often find him playing alone. The few weeks he started having lunch at school he really played up in the canteen. One thing I find a bit worrying is that he has occasionally started crossing his fingers on one hand; I've only noticed it at mealtimes.
However, his English language skills are pretty strong in my opinion. He started to speak between 18 months and two years, but really took off when he was about two. He uses the correct pronouns and rarely makes grammatical errors. He has very little letter or number recognition though. His imaginative play is very strong and he will often pretend to be a doggy and I take him for 'walks', or a tiger, shark, cat etc. He plays with Playmobil a lot and the different characters go on little adventures where various disasters befall them. He plays with little cars and each one has its own name and they 'talk' to each other. He will use the climbing frame at the playground as an 'ice-cream shop' and serve me and him 'ice-cream cones' in whatever flavour we say they are and pretend to eat them. His gross motor skills are ok, he walked at 15 months, runs and jumps, has good balance, will climb climbing frames although it isn't his favourite thing and has been great on his balance bike since about three. His fine motor skills are good, although he is a very messy eater and often uses his fingers.
I personally think the French language has been a huge barrier to him, and his defence mechanism has been to put himself in his own imaginary world and not listen or engage at school. He is a champion not-listener, even at home. He only goes mornings, but he will go full time from September. But I wonder if I am just ignoring the signs and putting it down to the language barrier? I've spoken to lots of ex pats around here and quite a few have said their children didn't speak the language until the section year of school.
I just feel very confused about it and a bit tearful. It's going to be hard to get him the help he needs if he does have ASD as a foreign student in a French school but it's a bit late to register for a bilingual or English school for September now (there are both very close to us luckily). We've sort of decided to give it one more year in the French system and then review it half way through the year and at the end of the year.
I don't know what I'm asking really - does it sound like he is on the spectrum? How do I find out for sure? Where do I go for advice? I feel a bit lost and it's all new to me! Thank you.