So today we took our second child (3 years) to the communication clinic for evaluation. She came away with an autism diagnosis and complex language disorder diagnosis. Her sister has an autism and ADHD diagnosis. Although in part I knew it was coming the other part of me is beyond devastated that another of my children will face struggles, I will be battling for support etc. All over fb I see my friends with their nt kids complaining about how as a sahp they're not "seen" and one today was sobbing after a hard week and their child came over and gave them a big hug. She's the same age as my daughter. I could be rolling on the floor crying and she wouldn't notice. I know everyone has different struggles and life for some is a lot worse but I'm so sick of it. I feel like I've been dealt a sick hand. We're not having a fourth child despite plans because I just can't cope with more autism. It rules out life and I adore my girls I really do. They're amazing in many ways but mainstream education for them is like hammering a square peg into a round hole and it's hard knowing that (home school is not an option). My dd is still the same but knowing she has autism her future is even more difficult (paed talked about cognitive issues and testing later on). I'm tired of battling, of being screamed at and hit. I'm sick of trying to explain why I cannot force shoes onto my child to her fucking nursery and trying to explain to all the mainstream people around me what the bloody hell autism is and how it impairs everyday life. I feel so unbearably alone. We live in a nice area but diversity wise it's really not. I keep hoping as autism becomes more widely known about that my kids and myself will get break. Because I'm not sure how much fight I have left.