Please can I have your valued thoughts on this...............

[anniebear]

some may remember me posting a while ago that when Ellie did her mainstream sessions in school and her 1-1 carer was on her lunch, Grace had to take Ellie to the toilet (and once she had pooed) and wipe her

I was shocked as I didn't think Grace should have to do this at school, she is her twin sister not her carer

Today Grace came home and said Ellie had done a big sneeze in class and her hands and face were covered in snot, so Grace got asked if she would mind taking her to the toilet to clean her up (her 1-1 was having lunch)

I asked Grace did she mind and she said that she did and that it was disgusting!! But she knew only she could do it (they are 5)

I am so upset about it and am going to have to have a word nest week, but hate having to do anything like that

Im not going OTT am I?? You can be honest!!!

No you are not being OTT, I would be angry.

Don't forget Grace is only 5, still a baby herself really.

Where was Ellie's 1-1, on lunch?

I would push for support when 1-1 is on lunch tbh

Poor you, must be really upsetting . One of the reasons tbh I am glad mine don't go to same school.

her 1-1 is fab, she is provided from the special school Ellie goes to

So the mainstream school would only have to try and make sure there was cover for half an hour 2 days a week for her

I don't think Grace was overly bothered and just accepts it I think

she did get a team merit off the teacher!!!! ......Great, getting a reward because at 5 years of age you have done some ones job for them

totaly out of order for a child to be asked to do something like that, even for a sibling.

Not unreasonable for the carer to have a lunch break. there needs to be provision for cover of that break.

You are not being OTT! I am shocked and somewhat appalled! If Ellie is funded for constant 1-1, (as my DS gets and needs!) then that is what she should get! There should be a member of staff providing 1-1 cover at lunch time also, and if that person is not prepared to do the same as the other 1-1, then Ellie is not getting what she needs and is funded for. If for some reason, funds have not been allowed for the 1-1 cover to extend to lunch times, then clearly it should be and you need to contact the AEN dept of the LEA urgently to get this amended (with the necessary meetings if you have to.)

From Grace's point of view this is so unfair. My DD is 18 months older than DS2 and so in the school year above. They don't go to the same school (although DS2 is also in mainstream but one that can accomodate his needs) but if they did and DD was asked to take care of his basic needs just because she knew how, I would find this very unacceptable! The only thing I would not find unacceptable was if DS was very upset for any reason and DD was brought in to calm him down, but this would have to be exceptional.

Our NT children deserve some kind of normal life.. yes they may love and care for their SN siblings and we, as parents, may often need to call on their help to assist us in the home, but they should not have to at school!

No, its totally unacceptable. yes the 1-1 has to have lunch but there has to be a way of covering- either 1 - 1 has lunch same time as Ellie and she gets a dedicated lunchtime supervisor or they sort something else out. Deffo NOT Grace's job tho! for Grace and you

I find ds2 (a year younger) often takes responsibility for ds1 at lunch, (and is often bruised as a result), I'm grateful that he will be gone when ds3 starts school (probably being delayed by a year) as they'll have to sort it (or more likely not take him)

You're not being OTT! No 5yr-old should be responsible for their sibling. Looking out for Ellie is one thing, but looking after her is not on IMHO.

Bang out of order. I am flabbergasted.

not OTT - gobsmacked that the expectation is there. IF she is funded for one on one bloody school should make sure she has 1 - 1 care that does not rely on her sister being part of it.

this is so wrong AnnieBear.

Ellie's 1:1 is entitled to a lunch break but they should cover Ellie's care during that period.

it must be so difficult for Grace but what an amazing litte girl you have there.

I would be outraged. i would also be waiting outside the school when they open on Mondy morning. You are right to complain about this.

Thnaks everyone

I know I have to say something but hate doing so , the Teacher is so lovely (she wasnt there it was the classroom assistant, bu the teacher does ask Grace to take Ellie to the toilet)

Not sure who to speak to

Grace doesnt seem too bothered too be honest. I think she is too young to be embarrassed and she just gets on with it! But it is still wrong

Can you word it totally from Grace's point of view rather than saying the teacher or other person should do this, that etc?

They're probably working on some half-arsed idea that it's OK by Grace. I completely agree it's not, though. Well out of order.

Oh why do schools do this? I also know of schools who take siblings of children with autism then pair them at break time with children with ASD, or bring them in in some therapy role. It's just not on at all. I think you just need to have a quiet word and tell the teacher it has to stop and that its not fair on Grace. That she is affected enough by having a twin with SN at home and doesn't need to be cast into a carer role at school. I think if you just state it unemotionally (but quite firmly) they can't really complain, I'm really suprised that its not obvious to them that its not fair. What on earth goes through poeple's heads?

unemotionally??? I'm that emotional I will probably cry lol lol!!!!!!!

I wonder the same, how on earth would any teacher/assistant think it fair for a child to provide some care, for however long, for their sibling

aahhh I know that feeling Blubbing in meetings. I usually do it when I'm angry though, so think calm thoughts.

You are absolutely right though, and so right I'm sure that any sane person will realise that once they've had it pointed out to them!

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