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SN children

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Original poster

Locking your child in bedroom at night...

28 replies

adamadamum · 10/01/2007 20:53

Hi, I am just wondering how many of us there are who lock our child in their bedroom at night. I have just had to start doing this, for my DD's safety (She's be climbing over the stair-gate in her grobag otherwise) and after no joy with rapid return, found this to be the best option for now (she settles within about 15 minutes if she knows she has no chance of escaping!) but am still trying to come to terms with feeling like I am holding her prisoner!

OP posts:

lourobert · 10/01/2007 21:14

Hi. I dont personally do this as my son is only 14 months but surely you have to think of your dd'd safetly first dont you...?! She doesnt seem to be too distrested by being locked in if shes settling so quickly. Its bought to feel unatural and awful at first but I think if its in your daughters best interest then you have to do what you have to do...!

lourobert · 10/01/2007 21:15

Sorry for the poor typing there- in a hurry

2shoes · 10/01/2007 21:31

sorry to ask what is probally a bad question but have you got the key to hand in case of fire?

tobysmumkent · 10/01/2007 22:08

Message withdrawn

colditz · 10/01/2007 22:09

What about a chain, like you would have on the front door?

eidsvold · 10/01/2007 22:18

we shut our girls in their rooms - but our door handles are high and they have nothing to climb up to get to them iyswim.

A slid bolt would be fine.

We started it to keep the dds safe - a couple of times they had woken early and instead of coming into us had wandered around the house and whilst our house is fairly child safe - accidents can still happen.

I guess to assuage the guilt - imagine how you would feel if she hurt herself..... I just think of it as for their safety.

Original poster

adamadamum · 10/01/2007 23:12

I lock her in with a slide bolt, which means I can sneak in before I go to bed and check on her, and could lock it again nice and quickly should she wake up and run to the door!

She is 4, but her SN means she is more like a 2 yr old, and she suddenly developed a sleep problem just after Christmas. Rapid return just hasn't worked with her, and she was awake for hours, crying, signing that she was sad, it was heartbreaking. Plus as I said she can now climb the stairgate. And wake her brother (2 1/2).

As soon as I started locking her in, she started calming down again, cried for a while for the first 2 nights, but now accepts it, just I guess like accepting the bars of her cot keeping her in there.

I am doing it for good reasons, but it feels barbaric, and I worry that she will remember it when she is older, and resent me.

OP posts:

tobysmumkent · 10/01/2007 23:20

Message withdrawn

Jimjams2 · 11/01/2007 09:15

adamadamum we used 2 pressure stairgates one on top of each other (the travel ones so fabric) for years- acted like a barrier to the entire door. I took tyhe top one down at bedtime- only put back up if he woke. now he'lll go to bed without them, but I still use them if he gets up in the middle of the night.

Davros · 11/01/2007 20:31

Yes, I did it for a long time because of safety. I felt awful at first but DS didn't mind a bit! I think if more parents were honest about this it could be helpful to others who need to do it but feel it is unacceptable. Who would want to do it unless its absolutely necessary anyway? We originally had a full size gate thingy and when we changed the floors from carpet to wood it didn't fit any more - big panic that night, locked him in and he was fine..... We haven't done it for about 3 years now so it is possible to move on.

Graciefer · 12/01/2007 19:03

too right I do!!!

as soon as my DS1 4yrs with AS and ADHD learnt to climb out of his cot at about 18/20 months, I put him in a bed and put a bolt on the door for many good reasons.

firstly for his own safety, mostly like many others because of the stairs.

and some of you may find this awful, but after bed time was our time in which I could relax spend time with DH and not have to worry, as parents we have to keep our sanity!!

and now because my ds is someone who loves his sleep I know that if he was up and down all evening rather than settling at about 6.30/7 he would be a total nightmare at school and as he gets so much from school it would be a real shame for him to be grumpy and stubborn because he was tired.

I am not in the least bit ashamed that I lock him in (with a slide bolt which i also have on most of the doors and cupboards in my house)he is allowed to run about and play for as long as he likes, he also has a disco ball on for approx 30 mins now and then once that is off he cant see anything so tends to stay in bed but if by some chance the door is unbolted he will be outta there, In the summer he takes much longer to settle cause it is light.

SpookyMadMummy · 12/01/2007 20:13

My asd dd1 was climbing over her gate out of her room. We solved the problem by buying a small shed alarm activated by a remote control and putting it where the stairs 'turn' pointing down.... at least we know if she is gooing downstairs now. For the bathroom we have attatched a windchime to the door and we pull it to so it chimes if the door is opened.
These seem simple, but they worked for me cos I wasn't comfortable with locking her room door...

geekgrrl · 12/01/2007 20:23

We do this - dd2 is nearly 6 and had has DS. She's had a sleep problem for three years now, and if/when she gets out she heads for her siblings' rooms in the middle of the night - not ideal. We don't leave her to cry as she gets full-on hysterical and seems to be unable to climb back into her bed.
We use a bathroom 'privacy doorknob' type thing . And yes it seems barbaric, but what can you do? With a stairgate she'd just be so loud, and she would probably move furniture in her room to climb over it.
I've finally found a furniture maker who will hopefully be able to make her a high-sided cot - will get a quote on Monday.

PeachyClair · 12/01/2007 23:27

No, I should I know- but you annot hear upstairs very well from down here , and the windows aren't lockable so I am too scared I wouldn't hear DS1 if he tried to get out as he did the other day, or if one of his gadgets (he is older, 7) caught fire or something and he needed help. Dh and I have been debating it, but not for us atm.

DS's room is next to mine and I leave all doors open and now sleep so lightly through fear that I hear anything at night and would know if he left his room.

Original poster

adamadamum · 12/01/2007 23:40

I don't feel so guilty now! It makes me sad to think I have had to suddenly start doing this, but not only does it keep my DD safe, it stops her going in and waking her brother, and instead of crying for hours, she goes to sleep in about 15 minutes. So I guess it is doing her good really, and she certainly doesn't seem upset with me in the morning. I just wish I didn't have to do it!

OP posts:

MamazonAKAfatty · 12/01/2007 23:49

I dont lock the door but i shut it and his door is alarmed.
i found them in the local £1 shop. they stick to the door and frame and omce you switch them on if the door opens the alarm sounds.

i had a real problem with him waking in the night and trying to get out the house or just destroying the place before we realised he was up.
this way i know as soon as the door opens and i can get to him.

If the door opens for anything other than toilet or nightmares he loses a priveladge the next day. we have been doing it since he was about 3 so he is well used to it now and it rarely goes off now.

PeachyClair · 13/01/2007 00:00

those alarms are fab- Dh once managed to alarm up the entire house of someone we knew through my job whose xp was trying to snatch their child (he was a nasty addict fresh out of prison). Wold definitely recommend them.

Graciefer · 13/01/2007 12:33

one of those little alarms has been a saviour in this house.
We have one on the porch door because although we put a yale lock at the top to make it escape proof sometimes it got left open by accident by visitors or when carrying things in etc
Well now there is an annoying alarm it gets closed asap so we dont have to chase DS down the middle of the road anymore thank goodness.

p.s in my last post I left the D out of ASD

Original poster

adamadamum · 14/01/2007 00:09

The alarms sound like a good idea, but not for my DD, she wouldn't understand it all, would I am sure, still leave her room and there is no way she would understand about losing priveleges, sadly. Maybe in the future, but for now, I think I will have to just keep the bolt on the door. Plus I don't fancy my DS being woken up by the noise of the alarm - one awake late at night is bad enough, but two is rather difficult to say the least - been there and don't want to revisit!

OP posts:

Davros · 15/01/2007 12:59

I still use a baby monitor too.

mamadadawahwah · 15/01/2007 18:39

using two pressure gates!! What a fafulous idea!!! that way you can see inside and the child can see out.

Must do that. Thanks for that

Aloha · 15/01/2007 18:45

My perfect NT ('normal') two year old is 'locked' in at night as we shut the door and I'm pretty sure she can't open it herself yet (slippy round doorknobs). I don't feel remotely guilty or worried about it. She's two, but in a normal bed and very agile and active. I don't think it is anything to feel bad about. After all, we 'lock' babies in their cots, don't we?

Aloha · 15/01/2007 18:46

Oh, and permanent memories aren't formed yet, unless they are reinforced ie by talking about them or looking at photos.

Davros · 15/01/2007 20:26

That's how I looked at it Aloha. DS had been contained in his cot and his room simply became a big cot iyswim.

Aloha · 15/01/2007 23:37

Oops! I meant to type 'perfectly' not 'perfect' though obviously she is perfect to me, just as her brother with Aspergers is!

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