Children's behaviour

[Memeto3boys]

Could I ask you to please post this for me.
Has anyone ever worried that their child is too good? Odd question but I have a 2 year old who's never naughty. He's been in a bed since he was 18months old and never got out. He does exactly what people say never has tantrums never miss behaves. I have a 1 year old who's full on typical boy into everything inquizative. I ask as I am constantly faced with people saying how fantastically brilliant 2 year old is and that 1 year old is naughty. But he's not naughty 2 year old is really just too good. I have looked around and found nothing about a child being to good. I am asking as I don't want my 1 year to end up with every treating him as naughty and hard work when in hindsight he's just being a typical boy but compared to his brothers brilliant behaviour it does seem he's naughty.

Whoops I asked for it to be posted anonymous on a parenting group first then copied it and pasted it to see what MN think.

I really would not worry. some kids are naturally just less trouble than others. just enjoy!

My DD was that child. And still is most of the time, but with hormones in the mix. She loves rules, things being fair and done right blah blah blah. Basically, she is a lovely not so little teenager.

I just worry my youngest is going to be labelled as naughty when he's not. The 2 year old is sn he's not diagnosed with anything they were thinking autism but they just on about observing him for a while now. We have a big meeting with all his professionals on Monday to discuss next step

I am almost positive I am on the autistic spectrum. My mum describes me when I was young as being "very biddable". I also never lied.

In fact I was so well behaved that when I was 8 I had a teacher (close to retirement with ages of experience) comment she wished I'd be more naughty! I had a pic for another thread I'll see if I can attach.

Ds2 is diagnosed with autism and while I couldn't say he was good some things just never crossed his mind to do, eg 3 years in a cot and he never stood up in it & now at 4.5 will not get out of bed. And ds1 who I have concerns about is very even and amenable and always was.

Probably be useful to think of it as an absence of typical development therefore an indication there is a problem with development. My diagnosed 4 year old never once stood up in his 3 years in a cot and even now won't get out of bed unless someone gets him.

Thank you for that. I have never thought of it like that. Your family sounds similar to mine me Dh and our eldest are all diagnosed with autism. Ds2 like I said they thinking he could have Autism. Ds3 seems to be just a typical boy.

Sorry I repeated myself. I thought I'd deleted that part of the previous post and as I'm on my phone I couldn't see it!

Can't take credit for the viewpoint as I read it while Googling as I thought I'd previously come across the good behaviour/passivity when reading about girls on the spectrum but I couldn't find it quickly.

That's a great way of looking at it.

I am recently diagnosed ASD and both my children are on the spectrum. My DD is ASD and my son is PDA.

My son was very very well behaved I even remember once bragging saying I never had a bad day with him! Would sleep 12 hours from 2 months onwards etc my parents once took him to a restaurant when he was three and he was very well behaved their friends commented on this that it was very good for a child his age to be that well behaved. He was diagnosed at four with ASD, I'm sure good behaviour on its own doesn't warrant an investigation unless it comes with other stuff like lack of social skills, speech etc

He doesn't have hardly any speech. He tries to be social but struggles a great deal. I wasn't sure if good behaviour was a thing if you know what I mean. Most of his professionals say they can't say he has any asd issues on the behaviour side because he doesn't have melt downs and does what they tell him. His SALT actually refused to comment on his behaviour as he didn't refuse to do anything she said.

Obviously if you are thinking autism then doing everything everyone says can certainly come under taking things literally and having little to no social imagination.

Interestingly I was reading the A Word thread in AIBU I think it is and a few people on there have commented how passive their children were when young & that behaviour problems came later.

Obviously I'm not saying your child is autistic but how we frame things to professionals does influence them, eg saying my child passively follows all instructions vs my child is always good.

If the professionals aren't concerned at the moment and you don't feel overly concerned wait and see how he does at nursery etc as that where my sons issues became apparent. The speech therapist I was seeing prior to him starting out at nursery was not concerned about ASD she said he had a slight speech delay etc and was very friendly etc. A few months into nursery she went in to give them advice and she was shocked at how different he was! I would never forget the convo I had with her I knew she was implying ASD straight away and when would tell her 'but u told me in clinic he gives good eye contact etc' she was like yeh in clinic but he was different around other kids and in a social setting !

Thank you both. Sometimes I think it's good to talk to others as you say some times its the way we view things and how we explain things but viewed and explained in a different way can make it mean a whole different thing.