How to explain concerns to doctor with child in tow?

[KingLooieCatz]

So enough faffing about, we're going to ask for DS to be referred for assessment. He is 7.

He needs to be at the appointment (surely?) and I need to explain what the behaviour is that is concerning. But I don't want DS to have to sit and listen to me talking about what a problem he is.

How have people handled this?

Not to drip feed, the behaviour is at school, they had a support plan, it worked for a week or two apparently but no longer. ASD and/or ADHD have been mentioned but teachers/SENCO/learning support have always been non-committal about this. We think it's time to ask for an assessment and try to rule it in or out and at least hopefully get some advice from a specialist on how to manage behaviour.

Is there someone you can take with who can take him out of the room?

Thanks 123. Ideally me and my husband would both be there. We both work though so need to coordinate two sets of time off with whatever appointment we get offered. My work will probably be very supportive and I have some days off over school holidays anyway. DH is a copper so his work will be less flexible. I don't want to delay the appointment for ages trying to get a slot we can all attend. Good point though, my parents might be able to help, I hadn't thought of asking them. Until a year ago we lived too far away from family to get help at times like this and I'm used to trying to do everything single handed.

Can you talk to the GP on the phone prior to the appointment? Mine is happy to do things like that. You are right to be sensitive to your ds, my second n was very upset after an early appointment and I am very careful now.

I saw the gp alone when I asked for ds to be referred.
He said he didn't need to see ds as he was already seen regularly anyway for his asthma.

I didn't take DD when I asked for her to be referred. She sat in the waiting room with the toys.

I went alone too, was lucky I did as I cried throughout the appointment The GP won't expect to actually the witness the behaviours for themselves so should be happy to go by your concerns. Also bring a letter from school to show their concerns if possible, just in case the GP does want more evidence prior to making a referral.

Thanks everyone.

We are new to this GP surgery as we relocated last year, so they don't know us.

I'd be nervous about leaving him in the waiting room without having some sort of incident (although it might provide all the evidence required) but he does surprise us sometimes and might sit and wait on best behavior with a book or whatever (Minecraft, let's be honest).

I'm hoping we get an initial appointment before school goes back but luckily we asked them to keep a behavior diary, which quickly went from smiley face/sad face for different parts of the day, to a list of transgressions, to just "unacceptable behavior" as the entry for one day. We have a copy of the support plan we can take as well, which describes behaviour in more neutral language.

Hopefully DH has got through to the surgery today and made an appointment so I'll ring and ask if the GP needs to see DS in person, or if they do, can I explain concerns before bringing him in.

We're already concerned that he describes himself as naughty. He doesn't seem to take any pride in that. It feels like the behavior gets beyond his control at times.

I would be tempted to go to the appointment alone, and tell them you are happy to come back for a "check up" if the doctor wants to see your dc. I took my DS with me, but he just played on his iPad and didn't speak to the doctor, she just went by what I said

I didn't take DD to the appointment! The GP won't assess the child, they only need to know if there is enough reported behaviour to refer on to the paeds.

The other thing you can do is write down a list of your concerns - not too long - bullet point list kind of thing and just hand it over for them to read. Bonus also that is helps make sure you don't forget anything.

We had an initial appointment without ds2 to explain the background and then a second where he came along as the GP wanted to see him before making the referral.

Thanks. On the one hand I feel like DS is the patient so it would be odd not to have him there, but on the other actually having him there is not likely to be helpful and in fact might actually be unhelpful, if I can't answer the doctor's questions openly. And I would think I need to be pretty no-holds-barred to make sure we get taken seriously, I don't want to DS to hear that we're really concerned for his future if his behaviour carries on the way it's going. I mean we challenge him on unacceptable behavior but I would speak very differently to him and about him iyswim.

Thanks again for replies.

No need to bring him at all at this stage - let him stay home.

The GP won't be making the assessment - just referring you to someone who can.

You can freely talk alone about all your concerns. Make a list of everything you can think of so you don't forget.

Advice has paid off on two levels. No appointments available, told to keep ringing for on the day appointments. I explained the purpose and asked whether DS needs to attend the appointment and they have given me a phone consultation for next week. It's 5pm so can be done from the comfort of our own home with DS oblivious and chillaxing in front of Transformers Rescue-bots or whatever in the other room.

Very grateful for everyone's comments, think I would have still be trying to get an appointment next week and flapping about what to do with DS.

Thank you for this, I was wondering how to go about this too. Particularly as desperately is very anxious, anything can set him off on a "worry".

Ds not desperately, although that's not a million miles off the mark!