Yes, you're absolutely right, I will take the cause stuff with a large pinch of salt. I prefer the idea that that is just who she is. And, you know, she's lovely. I'm a big fan of clear black and white, rules and certainty, and so is she.
ineedmore, even though she's just started at school, I'm already struggling with the judgment about how far to push homework. I totally recognise what you're saying about being really quick to get frustrated, and actually, that character trait is very different to me and dh, so I find it much harder to judge the appropriate response. I want to help her to thrive at the academic stuff, because I want her to have something at school that is a refuge, and a source of high self esteem. It's already obvious that negotiating the intricacies of female friendship groups, and generally playtime, isn't going to be her thing. But she gets so very upset if things don't go right, and I don't want to discourage her at all. For example, I had a massive fail at Xmas with riding her new bike. She just ended up screaming and howling whatever we did. It was awful.
We are supposed to be getting advice from an early support team, and my response to these sort of issues is something I definitely would like advice about. I don't want to do the normal behaviour management stuff with her sometimes because it feels like she's not choosing to be 'naughty', but can't help express the anguish or fear or whatever. But I don't want to step back from actively parenting her either.
twinkletoes, I recognise the anxiety too. Mine isn't anxious per se but you can see her almost physically alert for things to worry about.