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Original poster

Need a rant about Sn and feel sad for ds1

24 replies

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 20/12/2006 09:59

Now, can I start witha cavet that I am NOT getting at the aprents or kids, they were just incidental to a much bigger thing?

Took sam to school today for party day, he was already feeling left out as he can't eat what the others do, but was generally looking forwards as they have a clown. Anyway, all the other kids started handing out gifts EVERY ONE forgot Sam . This happened a few weeks ago too, when a kid came back from India with gifts for all but Sam. All these were supposed to be in his 'team' (gang).

Now, I now Sam can't do friendship properlya nd this will happen a lot as he gets older (he has HFA if anyone doesn't know) but the look on the little alds face was SO mortifying!. He just gets over looked for everything. They did a BBC Wales Ident projecta few weeks ago, and he ws the only one completely edited out fo the programme. he is extremely lucid, artistic and capable so I have no idea why- and nobody warned us until after it had been shown at school , nobody ahs said anything yet either.

I know ds3 (Sn but in a cuddly way) and DS2 (NT) will come home laden with gifts from ither friends or mothering tyoes (in the case of ds3) and DS1 will be ortified. he has loads for VChristmas all ready, but he clearly feels so rejected and I am in teras here remembering his face.

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jenk1 · 20/12/2006 10:08

oh peachey this is just awful

Can you have a word with his teacher/assistant and tell them how he feels, i know you probably wont be able to do anything for xmas but maybe it would stop a similar incident for birthdays/easter celebrations?

your poor little man, i understand your feelings as DS quite often gets left out of going in his friends houses and he gets upset.

Original poster
PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 20/12/2006 10:11

I did talk to teacher, she laughed.

She always bloody laughs when I discuss Sam, she doesn't listen any more.

All they seem interested in now is the large pile of rpesents they will get tomorrow- they're allwearing short skirts and piles of slap as ever the week before Christmas, and smiling a lot more than usual.

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macwoozy · 20/12/2006 10:13

Peachy, this is so sad, What must have been going through his mind when all the other children recieved their presents I really think this is one of the hardest parts of having HFA, being constantly excluded, not being in the 'gang', not having any friends. My ds even missed out on Xmas cards this year, had a pathetic amount to take home, I mean how much effort does it take just to write a Xmas card out. Did Sam talk about it afterwards?

Original poster
PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 20/12/2006 10:15

I had to leave him at school, but he had such a sad (and angry, which is scary) look on his face.

he does get cards, everyone does a blanket approach, which is great.

Seriously considering swapping his teachers gift (they all get a bar of green and blacks and an oxfam gift) from the school meals to the spare fertiliser (ie pile of shite- complete with picture) gift. maybe she'll get the hint then.

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COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 20/12/2006 10:15

She laughed???? OMFG!

Original poster
PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 20/12/2006 10:16

(And I spent ly last bit of grant doing meals for the teacher appreciation lunch!!!! Next year I'm giving them salmonella )

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COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 20/12/2006 10:17

Crossed posts. Poor Sam.

COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 20/12/2006 10:18

I like the salmonella idea!

Original poster
PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 20/12/2006 10:18

Coppertop, I really don't think she even hears what I say- she just ahs this inane grin on when I talk to her. She's the SENCO too, so I can't go to anyone else. She'd also forgotten Sam's special diet when I handed his food over.

She laughed last week when i told her Sam had melted down and had a shite spreading incident too.

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tobysmumkent · 20/12/2006 10:18

Message withdrawn

COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 20/12/2006 10:29

Peachy - She sounds useless.

theheadlessreindeer · 20/12/2006 10:38

Peachy this is awful. I just hope as his mum you're feeling it more than he is IYKWIM. I'll bet thats true, we get so angry on their behalf. The teacher sounds pants

FioFio · 20/12/2006 10:40

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adamadamum · 20/12/2006 10:45

Peachy I can't believe what I am reading. She is the SENCO?

If this ever happened to us I would without a shadow of a doubt make complaints higher up. I really hope you do, and good luck.

Original poster
PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 20/12/2006 10:59

We are awaiting the utcome of a statement in which I listed many, many mroe similar incidents . they've ahd the application 3 months now- been acknowledged and then nothing. I'm vaguely hoping that its because the new budget year starts January, but I know the reality .
But I dmake sure I used the opportunity to amke the LEA SN team well aware of the school. There's no pint going to the Head, as some will know she told the parent SN advocate that WE caused Sam's ASD. Haven't even acknowledged the woman since.

I'm at the point now where I expect it.

Oh well one more day and I can have him out of there and back with me for a bit- much better. Given the chance I'd home ed him like a shot

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Jimjams2 · 20/12/2006 19:45

she told them you caused ASD. OMG!

bananasinpyjamas · 20/12/2006 22:53

Just reading your post and can't believe it. What is wrong with that teacher? Has she no sense of empathy towards the kids in her care never mind supporting you.
Maybe we can all write to the school and give them a kick up the backside!
Not sure how constructive this is but need to join your well justified rant.

SantasFattymumma · 21/12/2006 00:25

She laughed

the head said you CAUSED ASD. FFs can these people not read? im sorry but i am so for you, and poor Sam.

I know precisley how you feel as Ds is the same. he has so far bought home 8 chrsitmas cards, all written by the parents who have clearly gone with the blanket the whole class approach. not a single gift, not even from his teacher!

there is little comfort in the knowledge that he doesn't understand that he is being missed out because i know that he is slowly beginning to realise. he says things like " will i get a present like that boy"
and i have to try and think of an answer.

It is utterly soul destroying.

I have everythgin crossed for your statemnet application, on that account we have been very fortunate...i wish you the same luck

macwoozy · 21/12/2006 00:37

I hadn't even thought about children giving out xmas presents to their friends, lately I've seen the children walking in with a handful of presents but I always presumed it was for the teachers, I hadn't thought that my ds might be missing out on that as well. Don't you think that although Xmas is meant to be such a happy time, it can also remind you on how sad it must be for our children.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/12/2006 07:03

Peachy

I remember once being in Junior school and everyone else but me in class received a present from one of the children. I have no idea why I was missed out, that hurt a great deal at the time. Still has a slight capacity to do so even now many years later.

If you wish to CAT me I will try and send Sam a Christmas card from us here. Know all too well its not the same but I may be able to find a nice e-mail Christmas card he can look at. I can also send a postcard from holiday addressed to you all if you so wish when we go to Las Vegas in three months time.

His bloody teacher/Senco and headteacher both need to be shot, no trial or anything.

redbullandbump · 21/12/2006 07:31

oh peachey it just makes me so and on your and sams behalf.

allthough ds is at a SN school the l;ast couple of weeks hes really been struggling with all the change with christmas like you ive been counting down the days till he finishes and can be home with me, thankgod he finished yesterday so now ive got him all to myself for the next 2 weeks allthough by the end of the 2 weeks i will be climbing the walls

ds came home crying yesterday it turned out hed been told off for something at school and with all my hormones i just exploded, phoned up dp screaming sown the phone how dare they make my baby cry on his last day after he gave them such lovely presents the ungratefull b$$$$$$s, no ones allowed to upset ds like that so i phoned the school but everyone had left allreadt it was a bloody good job otherwise i would of seriously threatened them

i got that upset and angry over that so i cant even imagine how you must be feeling for sam

give sam lots of hugs from me and ds

FioFio · 21/12/2006 07:34

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Blossomgoodwill · 21/12/2006 11:26

OMG I am so angry on your behalf.

I may be shot down here but I think it rarely works having children with any asd in ms without having the support of a unit (as dd does) or a permanent 1-1.
My dd is very high functioning and is coping very well academically but finds the whole hustle and bustle of school too much. The unit is great as she spends most mornings with other children similar to her but still benefits from some ms interaction.

Have you no special schools nearby? I would be so disheartened if that was the attitude of my senco and would take it much further tbh.

Original poster
PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 21/12/2006 15:02

Apparently we caused the ASd by our parenting

Ds2 however is regarded as one of the most well a djusted kids in the school so it makes no sense

the aprenting partnership guy just said get the hell out of there- forunately Juniors is separate head mistress

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