Gut feeling re autism - help please

[MummyBex1985]

Hi everyone

First time posting on this board - sorry, but I need some advice please.

My step son is 12 and has always been a little different to other kids. But I'm worried now it might be something more. For background, he's been with us since he was 3 - his real mum isn't really around.

We have always said he is very much like my brother - he was DX as autistic 2 years ago at age 25.

Basically, he is socially awkward. He doesn't seem to want to engage with us at home (there are six of us) and will spend every minute by himself. He has never managed to have close friends and when he is with his younger siblings he regresses to being a toddler - making daft noises and acting in a very immature way.

He struggles at school (despite being moved ahead a year in infant school - he was moved back after a couple of years) and is below average for where he should now be. However, he has a brilliant technical mind and will fix anything and everything without even really trying!

The other things that bother me are his lack of common sense (he actually ran in front of a car the other day to get past it quickly rather than waiting for it to go past, and he doesn't seem to grasp how to do day to day things - he still struggles to tell the time and tie his shoelaces). He's a huge hoarder and gets attached to anything and everything, including pebbles and rocks from the garden! He's also a very picky eater - given the choice he would eat plain pasta with no sauce, tender meat (nothing that you have to chew) and pizza (but he takes the cheese off!). He doesn't really want to eat a normal meal (which unfortunately the in laws pander to which makes it worse).

He also takes no pride in his appearance - he doesn't even seem to be able to get dressed properly, let alone think about doing his hair (his 9 year old brothers are very style conscious).

I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I just feel that something isn't right. Maybe one of those things in isolation wouldn't bother me, but there are so many things that aren't quite right.

I would be grateful to hear any thoughts. I don't mean to concentrate on the negatives as he's a lovely boy, but I have to spew out the negative stuff to hopefully get some help from you knowledgeable lot.

I have no part of the refrigerator myth thank you.

Neither am I saying that this behaviour is caused by abuse. In fact I am very pointed in saying nothing definitive at all. I made a suggestion for an area of thought on the basis of very limited information from the OP, nothing more.

That is fine, but you are wrong.

Attachment disorder is not some wishy washy diagnosis which assumes bad or unloving parents caused poor socialisation of a child. It is a serious diagnosis which I have observed professionally, where in certain (somewhat extreme) circumstances of early childhood a child suffers what any reasonable person would term severe neglect. It leads to embedded defensive behaviours which are lifelong as a consequence.

Now, whether that happened here or not I have no idea. As I said, all I have thrown out is a suggestion in the light of very limited information. Purely because the mention of an absent parent at a young age and some odd behaviours I suggested it as possible, nothing more than that. If it is not relevant or possible then it bothers me not even slightly and the OP will know whether it is relevant or not.

I make no accusations of poor parenting or otherwise. It is also possible that this child simply has some odd behaviours and no asd, it is also possible that there is asd or any number of other things. On limited information on a forum who can say? All I did was put out one suggestion, nothing more, and I will be perfectly fine with it being incorrect.

No problem zzzzz.

Biological risk factors are well researched in most SN/SpLD research. The findings are fairly conclusive in that it is more likely to have a SN/SpLD if your parents, siblings or near relatives do. Please note I say 'more likely', not 'certain to happen'.

It is therefore also possible for it to occur without any pre-existing diagnosis within the family.

In the case of ASD, for your reading pleasure should you wish to do so:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3513682/

The saying in research, not just SpLD/SN but also anxiety, depression, eating disorders, you name it, is that genes load the gun but the environment pulls the trigger. Risk factors increase likelihood, they do not produce certainty. Hence two parents with dyslexia may have a child without, and two parents both without dyslexia may have a child with.

It is not a straight line of causality that a causes b. Really it is if a+b+c+d (ad inifinitum for biological factors) if they interact with 1+2+3+4 (ad infinitum for environmental factors) may cause x/y/z.

If you would like to start a new thread to discuss it further I would be more than happy to participate, but as it is now I feel we have quite heavilly side tracked a thread which was designed for a different purpose!

Flank's observation is perfectly valid given the question marks over the OP's DSS's early life. I would also raise the question, depending on the circumstances and early childhood experience.

Misdiagnosing ASD as attachment difficulties is dangerous as misdiagnosing attachment difficulties as ASD- practical strategies for seemingly identical behaviours can be wildly different, depending on the dx. For this reason, as Flank has said, only a very skilled professional can make a diagnosis.

Attachment difficulties are not synonymous with refrigerator mother ideas; there is a great deal of research out there which inducates that early abuse, neglect and trauma impacts significantly (but not always permanently) on children's brain development.

I work with children in care, all of whom have suffered trauma, some of whom have attachment difficulties and/or disorders and some who have ASD. Some of those with ASD took a very long (too long) time to be diagnosed due to their early life experiences leading to an automatic assumption of an attachment disorder; some of those with an attachment disorder were referred by school, foster carers and social workers for assessment for ASD.

It's a very complex and difficult process- raising the question of attachment difficulties in response to the information in the OP is necessary, and I would have raised it myself had it not already been (more articulately) brought up.

Thankyou zzzzz.

Fully agree Phil, which is why I am not diagnosing, I am suggesting.

Are you qualified to diagnose either of the conditions mentioned in the thread flanks!?

Nope, and I wouldnt on a bulletin board if I could.

Hmm !

I work in a related field of sen, both diagnostically and some research, as well as some one to one intrrventions. It is not uncommon in my reports to recommend referrals to different specialists.

So I have a reasonable acquaintance with other fields through associated reading (co-occurence of difficulties is normal), and teaching experience.

It was maybe not a careful choice of words to say "Which is why I am not diagnosing"!?

Or maybe its just me!

OP go with your guts and ask your GP for a referral for investigations!

There are some really experienced parents on this board but none of us would ever try to diagnose a child/young person or another adult on an internet forum!

Good luck

Some of us are professionals and autistic and parents of autistic young people too. Definitely agree that no-one can diagnose on an internet board.

You are right patience, my wording was poor :)

Polter, my primary reason for being on mn is because I am a parent. I follow this board because I have an interest. My chosen career is a vocation and life choice, and while I often see it from a different perspective believe me when I say I wake up thinking about SEN and more often than not I fall asleep thinking about it.

I never believe I know anchold better than a parent, not least because I actually depend on parents more than they depend on me! If I disappeared parents would get on with it, if they disappear I am lost.

Would also say that Ibhave not worked in mainstream secondary or primary for some time except a bit of emergency teaching for a local school that had abfew teachers leave at short notice. If anything, in my current job, I feel that the mn boards are often a bit kind to school sencos...

I wasn't using it to add weight zzzzz. You asked me to clarify biological risk factors, but seemed more concerned about whether or not I was making a judgement about parenting skills. Someone else asked me about my experience, so I answered it. At no point was I pulling rank, I answered questions put to me after my initial post, nothing more.

I understand that my presence seems to have caused unwanted defensiveness on your part and I shall remove myself from the board as that is certainly not what the board is here for. Apologies to all.

I quite enjoyed that tangent - the apparent overlapping of ASD and other disorders is fascinating.

DS1 has dyspraxia and it partly shows in a total obliviousness to appearance - he doesn't know if his face is dirty, his clothes are crooked. GP referred us for an OT assessment.

DS2 - has autism and sensory integration disorder as two of his dxes - finds one-to-one easier, groups almost unbearable, and prefers to be round older people because they enable situations for him. He is beyond "picky" - actually, I think his experience of food is totally different to mine. We are the household who have pizza with three different toppings because one doesn't do tomato, the other doesn't do strong cheese and I go with the flow. OT diagnosed the sensory difficulties and psychiatrist the autism. Both were done privately. I would suggest ringing your local NAS group and finding out from them what happens near you. GPs can and should refer; schools, too. I have heard good things about my local CDC but only if your child has a certain profile. Camhs might also be of use.

The bottom line is, you are concerned and as his parent you are the one who knows him. Good luck.