Real life friends when you have a child with SN

[EmkanaCookTurkeyLikeICan]

It's such a cliche in a way isn't it, but having ds has made me see clearer who my real friends are in real life.

Not the one who asked a half-hearted question how ds's appointments were going, listened with eyes glazing over, and then immediately changed the subject to some village gossip... when I don't even know anybody in her village.
It's not as if I had bored her with things previously, I hadn't seen her for ages at this point.

Also feel very disappointed with one of my oldest friends from Germany - not even a brief e/mail from her to see how ds is...

the absolutely weird thing is that I do tend to use MN as my main emotional outlet (next to dh), and while it works well for me in a way I also feel so dysfunctional doing that!

Any thoughts?

hi emkana - not defending her but maybe she didn't know what to say? a friend (sort of, only know her in passing) has just had a baby with ds - i really want to say the "right" thing to her but don't know what it is! i have a relative with ds but still can't think of what she might want to here.
hope your ds is doing ok?

*hear

Evil - the best, no only thing to say is 'congratulations on your beutiful baby'

em, I can't add to your thread, but I do kwym about MN as emotional outlet - my RL friends are almost all miles and miles away too, and I have so little time in the day - once ds is asleep i can finally sit down with a nice glass of wine/cup of fruit tea and rant/vent/share joy/whatever. I don#t feel dysfunctional at all MN may not be RL, but it is full of real people!

evil, I understand what you're saying, but she could at least have said "good luck with your upcoming appointments", couldn't she?

berolina, nice to see that you're in a similar situation!

yes, you're right emkana. some people are just rude.
berolina - that is exactly what i said!!!

evil - lovely

thanks - she is a lovely lady with a wonderfully positive and funny attitude.hope that we can be friends.

yes, she only has to ask "How are things at the moment"

whats so hard about that?

I am lucky that I have a lovely couple of friends, one with a SN child and one with 2 NT children, But she is so lovely with Ellie

I went to see another friend who I hadn't seen for a while last month. Ellie had been critically ill in July and on a ventilator etc and it took this friend nearly an hour (just before we were leaving ) to ask how she was now??

How can you not ask how she is after being so ill???

I have known this friend for 8 years and its not that she doesn't know what to say. She just likes to sit and tell me how tired she is (with her 1 healthy 5 year old who sleeps each night), how she might go to the docs as she is so tired. Then all about her ex husband...I could go on!!!!!!!

very strange

evil - just congratulations and coo over the baby... nothing more really to say at this point.

echo what everyone else said - hope all goes well at your upcoming appts - nothing more needs saying - and truly listen BUT some people are incapable of this and you are so right - you learn who your true friends are in situations like this.

My RL friends don't ask unless i bring the subject up. The convo lasts about 30 seconds before they go on about themselves again.

I think because i am "strong" that they think everything is under control. I often think what they would do in my situation, cause i know for a fact they couldnt handle it. they wouldnt know where to start. I have to say most of my friends are very self involved.

My family never ask. In fact one sibling has never ever said a word about it, just doesn't want to know.

I have found new friends who have children with special needs and you know, we have so much to talk about, more than i ever did with some of my old friends.

I don't understand my friends and families attitude. If it had been them in my position, i would have moved heaven and earth to help them. Guess i am lucky it was me who has my beautiful child and not them. He truly is a gift from God and I can't be more thankful, so all those who go on and on about their own "troubles" will never know what me and my son have. Pity that.

I have slowly dropped people who can't be bothered (oh no sorry are too embarrassed) to ask after ds1. Our life is difficult enough without having to take into account other's embarrassment. If they can't deal with it, sod them. They only have to say "how's ds1 doing?". If they can't manage that they'll be a fat lot of use in the flesh. Can't be doing with peoiple standing around loooking awkward and fiddling with their hands because ds1 is doing something odd. Just receieved a xmas card this week from someone who has never once mentioned ds1's name or the A word since he was diagnosed 4 years ago. I think I'm not going to reply because I feel its a farce to be honest.