I'm not really sure I should be in this subject but maybe one of you lovely ladies could help?

[TheOriginalXENA]

I've never talked about this on here so i'll give you abit of background
DS1 8
DD1 4
DD2 2
DS2 7mths

This is about DS1, back in sept we were called into school and his new teacher told us that she wanted to refer him to a speech and language therapist sp? Not because he has trouble speaking but because he has trouble communicating. When DH and I left the meeting I felt like crying not because I was shocked but because someone had put into words what I'd known but always thought he was misbehaving/acting up. He is generally well behaved at school, hates getting into trouble, the best way I can describe it is that if he doesn't know what to say or doesn't understand he just says nothing. He is like it with everyone even to a small extent with me (an example of which is a few months ago he switched from bathing to showering and when I was washing his hair he started screaming and it turned out the water was to hot so I told him that next time say to me "mum the waters too hot can you turn it down" and so now we don't have that problem he says that phrase) This behaviour does lead to other problems as people see when he says nothing as a sign of rudeness so they tend to 'go on' at him which sometimes makes him act up.
TBH a lot of what he does and doesn't do I didn't see as a problem until the DD's have got bigger and they can do things that he can't, like answering the phone they pick it up and say hello and if hes asked to pick it up he doesn't say anything and so you say answer the phone and say hello and he does that and just that.
When we eat dinner he doesn't like his food to touch each other so if we have beans they need to be in a pot etc etc. Anyway if you have got this far thanks for listening any comments welcome.

It is well worth getting him seen by a SALT as they will be able to explore the issues surrounding his difficulty with communication.
At this stage i wouldn't worry yourself about what may be. take one day at a time and try not to read up on too many possible dx just yet as you will convince yourself its something it more than likely isnt.

i hope you get your apointment soon.

I think he is ok generally just the last couple of weeks he has stopped sleeping well. He is also ok if we give him ways of dealing with things inadvance. The teacher gives him prompt cards at school. But we need to give him other stragies sp? for dealing with things like when people he knows talk to him randomly. One of my sisters always seems to get a bad reaction from him as she has the tendancy to 'go on' at him if he doesn't reply, I try not to leave him alone with her.

fattymumma his teacher said that if we googled the main points she raised we would pull up a dx of autism or that spectrum, so we haven't. I don't really think that he is on it/ or if he is it would be very mild. I guess I wondered how other people deal with similar behaviour. I wish there was something like the prompt cards that we could use at home?

Xena - I know nothing about these things except what I have heard form other MN-ers who have noticed the same things in their children. Given that school have noticed something, and you were told things that co-incided with your own instincts, would it be worth visiting your GP,describing all the things you have told us, and asking for a referral to a paediatrician?

I know one MN-er who has had this help and has been given very useful simple excercises to help her child. If there is any mild difficulties, it would be better to get the right advice on how to support your ds, especially as you have identified the way some of these difficulties can so easily be put down to misbehaviour!

Good luck - it sounds as if you are being very perceptive in supporting him, anyway!

Ask his class teacher if you could get a copy of the prompt cards, im sure she could get you a set.

My ds has problems with word finding...he knows what he wants to say but finds it hard to think of the right words, the SALT described it as though you are in france and can speak fluent french but it just takes you a couple of seconds to translate what people are saying to you and for you to reply.

that made a lot of sense to me so now we only give short sentances and if after a few seconds he hasn't responded i will say it again but trying to simplyfy it again.

so rather than "can you go and get your coat and shoes please"
i will say "can you get your coat" when he has and is in the hallway i will then say " get your shoes" "bring them to me" "thank you"

so basiculy just breaking sentances down to simple instructions. it sounds as though youa re doing this already which i am sure is really helping him.

the hardest i think is trying to explain that to other people. they end up overdoing it for about an hour then completly forget and revert back to speaking normally.

Hopefully when he see's the SALT she can give him ways of helping connect what he hears with what he has to do.

I agree that maybe speaking to your GP about possibly seeing a pead.

I hadn't even thought of the gp blu.
FM- that sounds very like DS I asked him to get me a cloth (for the baby) out of the bottom drawer, he got straight up and said 'where is it?' and so I said bottom drawer which he then opened and he said 'what do you need?' . I'll try that then making instructions more simple.

Hi,
Its a shock when someone confirms a gut feeling about your child, but it might be worth getting these things checked out, SALT can be very very helpful to children who struggle with communication - but waiting lists can be very long so the sooner he gets a referral the better!
Your GP can refer you to a peadiatrician as well - just to be on the safe side.

Simplifying langugae and using picture cards to prompt and to consolidate what your saying to him might be helpful.

Try not to worry, which is easier to say then it is to do [I know that all to well] its probably all a bit overwhelming right now, take care of yourself.

emma x

Definitely worth having the assessment as it will help pinpoint exactly where his difficulties are - whether it's word-finding, or sequencing, or more subtle things like matching the words he uses to the situation he's in (does he speak to his baby brother the same way he speaks to you?)

My ds is 7.5, similar age to yours, and he's just started to learn how to play various card games - Go Fish, Beggar My Neighbour, that sort of thing - and that seems to be really helpful: those games involve a quite limited, easy, set of fixed (sort of "ritualised") things to say - he absolutely loves them & I think it's because for once he feels he "knows" what to say and when - and his overall speaking confidence even seems to get a boost after he's been playing one of those games.

He did some group speech therapy when he was little (and he's about to do some more) and I remember that playing games like that was one of the things they did.

Hope that is helpful.

Thanks for everyones comments funnily enough I taught DS1 and DD1 to play pontoon sp? this week and he really enjoyed it, I think that he talks to DS2 exactly the same as he talks to all children younger in a hyper mad kind of way.

hiya just had a look through my faves hun, i have 2 with some communication problems, and although as of yet i havent needed this, i have kept if for future as it looks brilliant.
Cindy's Autistic Support Printable Boardmaker Templates and Writing with Symbols Activities
as for ds1, it does sound like there may be some autistic tendancies there hun, but that doesnt mean he has autism, my ds3 has aspergers syndrome, and ds4 who i dont believe to be on the spectrum at all, however he does have some autistic tendancies, i.e he lines things up all the time, but he doesnt have the same look in his eye if that makes sense. it sounds like it is being dealt with hun, like someone else said, dont drive yourself mad looking for a dx, thats what i did. hopefully the addy i put in has linked, this has the cards which may help, good luck with his assesment, i hope you dont have to wait too long. oh yeah, you can buy plates which have partitions in, i have one thats ok for ds3, dont know what age you can go upto with them, but they are pretty good if he doesnt like his food touching.

sorry it didnt link, if you cut and paste the full line from cindy's through to end of line, that should be full title, its a really good site by the looks of things.