Possible Sensory Processing 4.5yo help please don't know where to start

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Dear mumsnetters

Apologies in advance for the length of this post but I feel incredibly lost and was hoping for some practical advice.

My 4.5yo has always been 'more than' and had some tactile sensory issues but these are now impacting our day to day life. It's revved up since starting school and, despite having gone to preschool in the room next door for nearly 2 years, she's having numerous meltdowns now before and after school. We've raised the issue with her teacher but been told she's fine when at school- however, I'm now beginning to realise it's quite common for kids with sensory issues to hold it all together at school and then lose it when they feel safe at home.

We've an initial paedatric assessment in a week (have gone privately to speed things up). However, it's got to the point that each day is a nightmare - we can barely get DD1 out the house and I'm well aware that we have an incredibly long road ahead. I don't think there are any other red flags for issues other than SPD but obviously I'm not an expert and open minded...

In the meantime I need to take action with the school - who so far are letting us down. As a side point I feel we may have chosen the wrong school - we went private due to small classes which I felt would suit her sensitive nature but now I feel the whole environment may just be too pressured for her - though then again who knows - it could just be school generally as she's never been in another setting. We are considering these options but this is again further down the line given jumping ship to a wrong school could be catastrophic for her.

In the meantime please could anyone help with my questions ...

1 what happens after paedatric assessment?
2 we are lucky enough to have a specialist Childrens sensory integration therapy center on our doorstep. Is it worth getting an assessment for this started now? Whatever the paediatrician says she definitely has sensory issues even if it is part of a bigger issue.
3 we are going to schedule a meeting with the head of school to discuss our concerns. Any words of advice? I'm not even sure what I'm asking for .... But her class teacher hasn't been much help at all
4 any words of advice for getting few the next few days? DD1 just having meltdowns with any transition . I'm not sure how I'm even going to get her to school tomorrow

Thanks so much in advance. I'm feeling very overwhelmed at the moment.

Thanks Polter. Just posted in SN children. Will take a look at your link. Thank you so much

My dd is almost. 5, in reception and we are going through the same thing!

We have had an initial appt, which we waited 2 years for! The appt was about answering questions about family history/day to day life and a chance for observation of dd. She has been referred for speech/language, occupational therapist, sips etc they have also said a MyPlan+ will now be set up for her, with liaison from school.

We also have the problem that she is fine, although 'shy ' at school and they think everything is ok. Yet it takes an hour to get ready every morning, she goes crazy as soon as she is at home (either violent tantrum or very hyperactive that then leads to aggression). This has such a knock on affect with dd2.

The consultant said that the school will have to fill in forms regarding their own observations, which will no doubt hold up diagnosis/support.

Sorry, this has turned into more of a rant than help!

But , we are in the same boat!

Oh I should have said re: talking to school. Ask for the SENCO yo be present so info isn't related second hand etc. They may also have tips/experience of it already.
When we told them there was an offhand comment about how behaviours at home are usually down to not managing them properly etc!! After managing this her whole life it was s big kick in the teeth!
I would suggest writing down behaviours at home and how they translate in social settings. Keep it factual, in an FYI kind of manor and appear like you are happy for them to manage the classroom setting re: sensory needs etc and you will let them know if anything particularly upsets dc. I have found professionally and personally that if you are pushy initially or make out something is terribly wrong they can dismiss parents as being 'difficult'.

Hi

My son was diagnosed with sensory processing just before he turned 4, but has never been offered any help what so ever!

He is now nearly 7 and we are having so much problems daily and it's getting worst as the time goes on ...

He had speech delay but all that's been sorted now the main issue is his emotions and when he gets angry he actually really hurts children at school and now children are wary of him and withdrawing themselves from him which really upsets him

Very clumsy and can't seem to underhand about personal space and hyper.

I am thinking could all this be just down to his sensory delay or is there something else that accompanies it like adhd of some kind.

I have done all sort of tests online for him but he doesn't tick height boxes so to speak and the headteacher isnt helpful

I have asked for a referral a year ago and they will only do one on wed

Any advice is appreciated