At wits end with dd1. I KNOW there is something wrong.

[mathilde]

Am convinced my dd 10yrs is not like the other children.

I adore her but sometimes she pushes me to beyond my capabilities as a Mum.

There are so many things she does and says that are unusual/embarrassing, she is harder work than all my others put together.

I am exhausted and just dont know where to go for help or what to do next?

What does she do that you find unusual or that embarrasses you, mathilde?

At school until recently they classed her as gifted.
She seems to be switched off now. She doesnt partake in lessons for fear of being teased.

Socially none of them like her, which breaks our hearts. This is a sconstant worry for us.

We would never let her out by herself, she couldnt cross a road as she is always thinking about something else.

Her 8 yr old sister is the opposite.

She takes everything literally which is difficult to explain.. eg; if I said there;'s a rubber band she would assume I meant a musical band. Now thats a silly example but the only one that I can think of at the moment!
trying to put my finger on it for years, she told me thast a girl at school last week said
' you have no sense of humour at all'

that's it .she doesnt. What she thinks is funny the rest of us stand around looking at each other wondering why ?

sorry am ranting now arent I, sorry.

Its just that I now have a baby 9mths and am struggling to cope with dd1 more than ever.

She doesnt sleep either til about midnight.

Hi mathilde,

I would suggest you approach your GP asap with a view to your daughter seeing a developmental paediatrician.

What have school said about her, are they showing concern?. She seems to certainly find the social side of school difficult from the little you write of her.

Her social problems have always been obvious to me. I know you cant compare sisters nor should you but where her sister has a lovely little gang of friends who support each other, fall out, bicker all that you would expect, forr dd1 this has never been.
On her 8th birthday, several of her'friends' ripped up the party invites in front of her and said no way were they coming.

When we are in the playground she may shout hello to her'friends' but i see them recoil away from her. She is a bit like a big puppy bounding upto them.

Two years ago I took the first steps of seeing the GP who referred us to the school Nurse.
She came round and we discussed dd1 with her. She went see her at school and rang me that night in amazement at her high intelligence.
The child psych was brought round but didnt ask to meet her. I ended up in tears in front of them while describing things.

My parents and inlaws, who, although find her difficult to cope with and invariably refuse to help, said that we were trying to label her and cause a stigma and embarrassment to her in the future and were very angry with us.

We didnt persue it and have struggled on.

I have a gut instinct that all is not well with her and that she is not developing in the way that she should be psychologically.

Teachers just say that her work is deteriorating and she does not partake in class discussions/nor put her hand up any more.

They hardly know her.

Mathilde, it is not surpising that she doesn't participate in class anymore. Her selfesteem must be so low! She appears to be really misunderstood by her peers.

Why didn't you pursue your initial discussions with the health professionals? Was it because your inlaws and parents got upset???

I think you should follow your gut instinct. Who cares if your inlaws and parents get upset! Get some help for your daughter, try and get in touch with the child psych again. Try to find out what the problem is by talking to professionals.

Hi

I hope you don't mind me being so forward but you could be looking at some kind of asd, possibly Aspergers going by what you have described. There are lots of things you say your dd does that mine does (who has AS).
Now of course I am no expert and am going by what you have said on here.
Anymore questions please feel free to ask me.

Coincidentally enough my initial thought here was possibly Aspergers syndrome as well but did not wish to appear too forward either. Am also no expert at all in such things but some of her behaviours are suggestive of being somewhere on the autistic spectrum.

Stuff what the inlaws and parents think - they don't have to deal with her every day. She is your child. Having no had help at all for her social problems has exacerbated her problems at school and at home because you've struggled on as a family without support. BTW wider family not accepting grandchildren have special needs is not uncommon.

Trust your gut instinct here. You know something is amiss and has been for years. It is down to yourselves to find out because no one else will do it for you.

I would suggest that a referral from your GP to a developmental paediatrician is made asap.

Its not just her who needs help - you all need support as a family.

You are your child's best - and only - advocate.

Agree with Blossomhill and Attila, some of these aspects do strike a chord with me as my DS1 has a diagnosis of high-functioning autism (similar to Aspergers).

Just wanted to agree with whats been said before. Some of the things your daughter is doing is very much like my son...he was flagged as having aspergers tendencies at 7... He's now 9 and a half and we are currently pursuing a formal diagnosis.
Also wanted to say that i know how difficult it is when nobody else can see it (or don't want to see it)...you know what she's like though and you know something is wrong.Go with your gut instinct.Remember, you are the best expert on your girl...and you've taken years to build up a picture of her.
Good luck

Gracej, I didnt follow up with the Nurse and the child psychologist as they came to my house twice, met me and dh and only wanted to discuss her sleep problems.
I got exasperated and told them everything I could about her and even ended up in tears saying I felt I was failing her, but Dh played it down a little with embarrassment. Because on a one to one with an adult on first impressions she is very eloquent the school nurse must have thought me mad!

They offered to come and review the sleep problems but I felt as they had been completely useless I declined thinking that was all that was on offer.

Trout, Attila, Blossom thank you for your comments. I do feel my instincts are towards this area too.
I would be so grateful if you could please give me an insight into what kind of things I would expect to see in her?

I assumed that if it was anything to do with Autism then it would be picked up at school and yet the teachers always say
'she's fine.'

I know very little about autism but I did read a bit on Aspergers that rang bells for us. But then you can tick some boxes and not others so I am confused by it.

If you have a child with aspergers what do you expect socially?
This is a bit random but-
She is very clumsy, tells long long rambling stories with bizarre endings. has a reading age of at least 14yrs (5yrs ahead), could write and read the alphabet at 2yrs in fact nursery called us in to tell us she was gifted.
What else? She has passions/obsessions about certain friends and topics that last for years.
She has amazing singing ability but no musical instrument ability, is terrified of loud noises, is very excitable and hyperactive, eats far too much. Taking her to a supermarket is a nightmare, she runs off looking for stuff all the time!
Most of this doesnt sound odd I suppose. I could go on !

and Dinosaurmummy too. Thank you.

I definatley think you need to go to the Dr's and asked for her to be assessed

Trust your instinct and don't take no for an answer

I agree with everyone else here-you do need to ask for her to be assessed. You dont have to tick all the boxes to have Asperger's-I have two DSs with an AS diagnosis-they each fit different bits but neither fits all the criteria.

mathilde ~ so many of the behaviours described in your lost post are almost identical to how my own dd presents.
Phone the national autistic society. They are so so helpful. Here is a link {http://www.nas.org.uk\nas}
The earlier you get help for your dd the better it will be.
Good luck and please keep posting xxx

So what do I do ? Is gp first place to go?

I am reading more threads on this from archives in between posting and have alump in my throat now.
She hates anything itchy and is very particular about her clothing, in fact wears one outfit for 2 yrs. She doesnt 'get' sarcasm, talks sims/playstation games endlessly, cant use knife and fork, was a nightmare baby, has never played with toys as she has no imagination at all.
Teachers at school say her imagination is great until I read her essays and realise that it is made up entirely of phrases from the current book she is reading.

She can remember anything out of any book but cannot remember what she had for breakfast. (Thats me though!!!) She has no hobbies or afterschool activities as she hates all the other children as they 'stare' at her.
Cannot go to sleep and will endlessly come downstairs saying this has happened/tummy ache/ ther was a noise/ scary book etc
Oh dear, I think I am venting a bit here. Sorry.

I am exhausted and close to a bit of a collapse I think. Self indulgent moment over!

Yep, go to your gp and asked for a full assessment. I would also try and speak to the school SENCO and see if they have noticed any of the behaviours you are explaining.
Girls are harder to dx than boys too as they present in a completely different way.
Explain to the gp what you are concerned about and that you think your dd is presenting with traits of AS and think it needs further investigation.

Thanks Blossom, I will.
Am also looking at the site too.
However, same old problem arises, just now, I called dh up here to read all these comments and he said'but I dont think she has got a problem I think she is just selfish'

I dont have his support on this at all. Thats what happened last time.

How old is your dd and what made you feel she was different?

Hi Mathilde,

So your DH said this did he:-
"I dont think she has got a problem I think she is just selfish".

To M's DH I would say sorry but those are the words of someone in complete denial of the problem. You think she's just being selfish eh - hold on a mo. This young lady has been displaying a myriad of problems which could pertain to AS (for instance she no imaginative play, takes everything said literally, is hyperactive, has sleep problems, strong dislike of nois etce) and you're going to just have to face up to it. Also denial is not just a river in Egypt. You need to face up to the distinct possibility that your daughter could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. Of course you're scared deep down (your wife is as well) but you need to face this head on. She's now 10; secondary school may be even more difficult. You need to support your wife here and help both her and your own family. Burying your head in the sand helps no-one least of all your family.

AS is certainly not unknown or unheard of in girls but they are harder to diagnose. They do present differently but a good paed worth their salt will help no end.

Mathilde - do contact the NAS; they can help you.
You need support too. Certainly go to your GP and ask that person for a full assessment from a developmental paediatrician.

With regards to school do contact the SENCO (special needs coordinator) as well and ask them some very pertinent questions about her work and show them examples.

With best wishes

Attila

Mathilde-do not be surprised, though, if school denies there is a problem-they did not pick up on either of my DSs and I had to go through the GP to ask for a referral for both (DS5 is 7, dx last year and DS3 is 17 and has just been dx now.)
Chilren with AS often try to cope at school and let all their frustations out at home, so school just do not see some of the behaviours-and turn a blind eye to others.

From what i've read and seen children can present very differently with AS...but here are a few traits my son presents.

Amazing memory...can picture a whole scene from when he was 1 years of age
Tunes out ...goes to another place frequently...misses chunks and doesn't hear or see things.
Can go on and on and on about something he is interested in...it doesn't matter if the person he has chosen to talk to isn't answering.(in fact i think he prefers it!)
Tries to be sociable (seeks it) but doesn't seem to get the finer details of social interaction... just not on the same wavelength as anyone else
Doesn't respond to peer pressure...never really aware of the desires or thoughts of other people...cannot empathise very well.
Sensitive to sound (hands over ears) can't bear white noise. Sensitive to textures (hates socks!)
Lots of phobias (could go on and on with this one)
Doesn't really like physical contact...it's like hugging a plank of wood at times ..
OCD tendencies (not yet as such .. but i can see that maybe in the future we may have problems)
Reading skills beyond his years
Never seeks praise...never wants to find out what other people think about anything ...doesn't seem to be aware that they may have an opinion.
Even at 9 years of age...still doesn't seem to be aware that if i am not there then i do not know what has gone on
Repetative movements...runs up and down sometimes (like pacing) sometimes does little flappy movements.
He learnt to talk at a ridicously young age ( and i didn't even realise how odd it was at the time!) He started speaking at 8 months old...at 14 months he could speak like you or I (and not like a child at all... he sounded like a formal old man if that makes sense)
Obsessions ...still has them... science, trains and lego.

I feel for you....my dh has also had some problems coming to terms with a possible dx for my ds (as have his parents). In our case i suspect it is because he recognises a few of these traits in himself..and in his own father.
It has taken me some time .. with me sort of pointing out things and slow feeding him stuff to make him see what is wrong.
Could you show him this thread?...would he be ok with that?

oh sorry...just read he's already seen thread
What is he afraid of ...do you think?.I think it partly helped ,with my dh ,to present it as a win/win situation.Indeed...what did we have to lose by going seeking a dx?Perhaps you could try this?
I have to say though that ultimately...i would have gone ahead anyway.