MrsF Touching Base.(uncut/extended edition)

[MrsForgetful]

Hello all!

hope you are all coping with the pre-christmas stresses!

My DH still has 1 leg in plaster....and i am now on my 5th week of feeling like a single parent ...as he is still unable to do most of what he usually does to help with the boys. so i'm feeling very drained...but the positive flip side of it is that whereas i would normally retreat to bed after a bad start to the day...as soon as the boys are safely at school...i cannot...as i have to keep ferrying him out and about...as he does not want to hibernate...and has really had an insight into just how little i have been going out...as in 'forcing'me out the house he has witnessed my anxiety etc...
so today i even braved having my hair trimmed...as he came in with me...and sat with me...and made sure i had it cut how i wanted....(i have not been able to go to a hairdresser for 2yrs....part of my OCD is to do with my hair...)

and he has helped me make decisions about sorting out the other result of my OCD...the hoards of stuff that i cannot throw away...

so having him home has been helpful s far as supporting me emotionally and with the negative behaviours i have to do with OCD....but i am missing what he could do with the boys.

DS3 has now done 4 weeks of "Emotional Literacy" (2 days at a unit focussing on behaviour etc...6 children:2 adults PLUS a teacher!!!!!) And today we 'observed ' him in class via a 2-way mirror for 90 mins!!!!! A FANTASTIC experience...cos we saw him doing alot of the behaviours that we are sure point to him having ASD...but school put down to attention seeking/learned behaviour etc... and here he is in a class with intense support...and he is still the same little boy!
So....today i had a spring in my step as i began to accept that just maybe i am not to blame...and people are now seeing him for what he is...not what i tell them.
at his review today they said that they believe he has a problem with
CONCENTRATION/ATTENTION
FOLLOWING VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS
SEQUENCING
WORKING INDEPENDANTLY

and

responds well to
VISUAL PROMPTS/INSTRUCTIONS
FREQUENT REMINDERS OF WHAT HE SHOULD BE DOING ETC
SPECIFIC "1 STEP" INSTRUCTIONS (OR IF GIVEN 3 TASKS...HAVING THEM 'NUMBERED' BY HOLDING UP 1 THEN 2 THEN 3 FINGERS AND TOUCHING EACH FINGER AS THE INSTRUCTION IS GIVEN...HE THEN CAN BE SEEN TO TOUCH HIS OWN FINGERS AS IF CHECKING A LIST.

and....

they have identified his 'coping strategies' to help him concentrate/focus...or deal with anxiety...
ROCKING
RUBBING HAIR
HEAD ON TABLE/REFUSING ANY ATTEMPT TO ENGAGE BY TEACHER.
CHEWING COLLAR
ROLLING UP SWEATSHIRT FROM WAIST

....and they have said that he struggles with
SOCIAL
COMMUNICATION
AND IMAGINATION

......SO....THAT LOOKS LIKE THE "TRIAD.OF.IMPAIRMENTS." TO ME!!!!

BUT THEY HAVE ALSO MADE IT CLEAR.....THEY DO NOT DIAGNOSE......BUT WILL SUGGEST DIRECTION/MAKE REFERRALS IF NEEDED.

so....more on that as it continues!

and...then theres ds1....
his 'friend' paying other 'friends' 10p to kick/hit ds1
and better still this 'friend' is the son of what i thought was my best friend...and who is a TA at his school!!!
Has been 'dealt with'...but i was not amused when a member of staff pointed out it was only 10p...as if i was worried about kids making money...so at the moment...am 'unofficially' having him home at lunch (1.10pm) most days...and not sending him back that day for the 1 lesson he has after lunch ( he has 4 lessons in the moring and 1 after lunch)....and so far...not 1 query from school as to his many absenses.... and no threats to imprisson me....and no sign of Ed Welfare.....so basically...this is helping him no end...and from 2-3 he does his homework- we go through his school bag etc...pack it for the next day etc...BEFORE the younger 2 come home from school...and on those days....ds1 is much calmer and seems more chilled going into school next day.
so...am going to look into how we can make this official...as am told its possible...but for now...scared to rock the boat and draw attention to it....anyone out there doing similar???

and ds2 has ben reffered to Ed Psych...as school know i am concerned about 2 years time when he starts secondary... so they agrred that if the ed psch agrees that he is emotionally 'young' and mathematically 'gifted' ...and that he would benefit from extra support etc...then they will request a formal assessment....its taken me 3 years to get this far...to get it throught to people that whist he may be at or exceeding targets achedemically...he is now i guess at least 3 years behind emotionally/socially...and i will keep on arguing that its wrong to rule out statementing based on how bright he is...grrrrrrr!

anyhow that is enough...thanks for just reading this

thanks socci

yes... as i really cannot imagine ds2 in secondary....at all...as he is now...and based on his last 2 years ...in that he is no different now to 2 years ago...and i have therefore no positive vibes that he will 'move forward' as they call it...though i wish he would.....

then yes...if the school still feel they are doing enough...then i will start it off myself.

somone told me onm here recently that if the school apply and fail- they cannot appeal...but if we apply and fail...we can appeal....do you know if i have understood that right...as in that case maybe we don't wait and just go ahead now???

Hello MrsF - long time no hear! Wow, i miss your long and informative posts. Sorry to hear about your dh, but as you say, it does have a small positive. Good to hear you managed to get your hair cut - well done you!

Your concerns over ds2 going to secondary is easy to understand as i am in the same position and really panicking about which school to send him to - we will have to move toward a new school wherever in the country that is, which means new job, new house, new school, no family nearby etc and i'm not that keen on change like my ds.

Very and that your poor ds1 has had to endure the kicks, how cruel, and for the teacher to say "it's only 10p! - how utterly pointless is that woman?

Yes, i heard that about the appeal process too, but i'm sure someone who knows about this will be along soon. Meanwhile ((((((hugs)))))) to you. x

I was wondering how you were getting on MrsF.

"its only 10p"?!? Its f*cking disgraceful!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad the unofficial withdrawal method is working - I'm hoping that if they see that it is helping then they will be less resistent to making it official.

Thinking of you often. xxx

hi chocs!!!
glad to know you are still around!

ref schools etc... i am really starting to understand people who use the equity in their home...not to move...but to pay for education! Like you...we think about moving...but the thought of change sickens me.

flames...

hi to you too! really don't know what to do about ds1....he's finding adolescence hard work... so is reacting badly to attention he gets by girls...and 'joking around' lad that grabbed his head the other day and pulled his head down to his trouser zip saying "Suck on this sucker"....he now thinks all those lads that do that are gay....and i am lost for words.

theres so many little incidents....added together enough to cause him no end of anxiety... yet so hard to explain to school...as tehy still see him as the 'coping child'... and cos alot of this stuff is 'sexual' ...or involving girls... he fels unable to tell anyone but us.
so for that i am grateful...as he does tell us.

at the 10p comment!

I know absolutely nothing about statementing (yet?) but just wanted to wave and say hello.

Hello Mrs F !!!!!

Yes i have heard the same as yourself, that if school apply then they have no right to appeal but you have right to appeal, BUY im pretty sure thats down to if they refuse to statement, i asked Parent Partnership this the other day as DD,s nursery have said that they will apply for an asessment in Feb, and i said that if they do and fail then we have no right to appeal but the PP lady told me that we do have over the asessment but not so sure over the statementing bit.

HTH

Hi Coppertop!

glad to see some familiar faces still around!!!!