How to handle over-sensitive child?

[Fourarmsv2]

DS2 (9) is over sensitive to being told off, things going wrong, losing things.... Anything negative.

So a warning at school (he's had 3 in last two school years) results in crying at school, awful behaviour at home and anxiety for weeks.

Teacher and SENCO have both said he needs to 'man up'.

But this is him. He's always been different from DS1. Fragile.

Post the last issue I've raised this formally with the SENCO (other sensory issues too) and asked them to refer me / him for help.

Very little evidence of issues in school, it all comes out at home.

Yesterday he didn't get a part in the school play. We've had hours of crying, initial refusal to go to school and then him being (gently) taken from me at the school door by a lovely support worker.

How can I help him? How should
I be dealing with his irrational level of upset to things most people shrug off instantly or quickly?

I'm not quite sure what (if anything) might be his issue. He did stop breathing at birth and it took a good few minutes to resuscitate him. He has some medical issues that were diagnosed antenatally. He's been a different / difficult baby, toddler and now child. He ticks lots of SPD boxes. Who should I be asking to see? He's been referred to the school nurse and an OT.

So... we're a week on.

On a scale of 1-10 he says he still feels 9 (v.bad) about this school play. He cried again when I asked him. :(

I read something about spikey profiles. I got his CAT4 results today. Quantitative = 80. Spatial = 32 (NPR - national percentile ranks). Is that a significant difference?

I've contacted a private Ed Psych with regards to getting an assessment completed. Would anyone allow me to PM her suggestions and see if they seem appropriate?

YAKM - I love the idea of your DS running down the street in a onesie. Wonder if anyone reported the wild bear to the police? :)

Four most school plays have parts for everyone, even if it is just a small role; is there really no part they can find for him? I would alert the teacher as this is obviously important to him. Not the main part obviously, just to participate. I think it is quite odd that they haven't included him in some way or picked up that this is important to him. My son with autism/Asperger's was desperate to get good parts on stage. We had lots of tears about that. Luckily he was quite good at acting so they encouraged him. But early on, around 8 he wasn;t considered a reliable reader so they tended to pass over him - he had to work quite hard to show his skills.

Children with ASD can be very well behaved in school, although they can get upset over small things as you have described.

They always do a play with 10-15 big roles and then the rest of the school come in a year group at a time and do some singing. So he'll be in it for ten mins, everyone is, but he desp wanted to get a main part (worsened by the fact that his two friends got a part).

If I'm honest, he struggled to put tone into his voice and he's not a good reader so along with the fact that I've been telling them more about his anxiety issues lately, they made the right decision. I'm just sad that he's so sad. :(

but how is he expected to get any better if they allocate all the best parts to the good readers? Tbh our primary made a big effort to use plays which were specially written for schools to have LOTS of parts and they doubled up on the main actors, so cast a and cast b in year 4, 5, 6.
have you thought of a drama club outside school? They do a lot of workshop like situations, so that they can practise before being on stage/audition, and build up confidence.