I posted in Parenting a few weeks ago about my DD3 but am posting again here as I'm really at the end of my tether. It has got to the point where coping with her behaviour takes up most of my day, which is difficult as I am a single parent and have 2 older DDs.
I have been having issues with her for at least a year, although her behaviour has really deteriorated over the last 6 months. Basically, she won't do anything! Every small request, e.g. get dressed, brush her hair, use the potty etc. etc. is met with complete refusal. She throws herself face down on the floor and covers her eyes as soon as I ask her. Once she's done this it's as if she's totally switched off, I can't get her to hear me or respond. Sometimes she sings to herself while I am trying to speak. It seems that there is nothing I can do to make this stop, and am sometimes waiting and attempting to persuade her for up to an hour to do something as simple as brushing her teeth.
In public she has frequent meltdowns, although I find it difficult to figure out what triggers them a lot of the time. When this happens she just goes slack and lies on her face on the floor and nothing I do can distract or stop her. I either have to wait it out or pick her up (and the waiting it out usually ends with picking her up because she has terrific staying power.)
She also hits/bites/kicks/punches/spits etc. Sometimes she does these things when she's angry with me, and others it seems like she is completely calm and happy. She tends to target DD2 (5), and either hurts her or destroys her toys or pictures. DD2 is v passive (possible ASD although she masks it well at school) and finds it difficult to stop DD3 or come and get me to help.
Nursery have noticed that DD3 panics if another child walks past her when she is playing, and dives on top of her toys as if they are going to take them from her. I have noticed this as well, she frequently shouts, "X child is getting me!" when they are merely trying to play with her. She tried to kick a little boy in the face when we were in the park the other day, because he was 'getting her.' He was just approaching her to play, and hadn't done anything to justify her getting so worked up.
I have tried all the usual techniques: distraction, if you do.... then.... will happen, etc. Nothing makes a jot of difference. It's as if she will do things if she wants to, but if she doesn't then there's nothing I can do.
She is also really clumsy, and falls and bumps herself constantly. Her run looks really ungainly, and as if she is about to fall over all the time. Her feet look like they go inwards when she is running, which may be the cause of this. She walks into things on an hourly basis, often without noticing. She tries to eat with cutlery but usually ends up using her fingers.
DD3 has good eye contact unless I am trying to get her to do something, when she avoids at all costs. She had a hearing test last year which was fine, although she does seem very sensitive to loud or persistent noises and often covers her ears. Her speech is v good and clear.
I have seen the HV about all of this and she has referred DD3 to the paed (although waiting list v long in my area) and physio. And that's it thus far, although she is coming back near the end of this month to see how we are getting on. No one seems to have any more advice on how to manage her.
I have bought the Explosive Child and am ploughing through it, hoping to find something that will help.
Sorry for the ridiculous length of this post. I am really at the end of my tether and once I've got her in bed usually come downstairs for a cry :( I dread waking her up in the morning because I know she's going to refuse to do something essential to get us out of the door, I just don't know what.