Teenager Not in Education

[amber64]

My 17 year old son has ASD, highly academic (A*s at IGCSE) but suffers from anxiety. He has dropped out of education, and has no plans to return. Currently spends most of his time in bed, not eating properly, not seeing anyone and I am concerned about his mental state. We are already seeing CAMHS, and I am in contact with the Local Authority, but nothing much is happening. He is meant to be in education or training until 18yrs, but seems little is done to enforce this. Just wondered if anyone knew of any other agencies we could approach, who could try and engage with him?
Thanks

What a shame, is your connections service involved? Does he have a statement/ehcp?

There are residential colleges for teens with Asd, dont know if thats a helpful comment but they are out there!

Thanks for your reply. I have not heard of "connections service". We do not have an EHCP, as this was turned down, so I have lodged an appeal, but Local Authority do not seem prepared to do anything in the meantime. I don't think that he would be open to the idea of a residential college, as his only plans at present are to "stay in bed until he dies". Even if we do get a EHCP not sure what they can do, if he won't co-operate?

has he been offered anti depressants by CAMHS?

Thanks for your reply. Yes, he was on meds until last month, but has stopped taking them , as he felt numb. His mood is low, but if he is refusing to take the medication it is difficult to force him.

It seems that Connexions are not in existance nationally anymore bit some areas do seem to have kept it going! Its really difficult because he is supposed to be encouraged to take responsibility for his own learning but if he isnt doing anything I can see why you are worried.

It might not harm him long term to take a break though! I can imagine gcse's were probably very stressful for him!

Students take gaps yrs at all different times. We are currently home edding for 2 yrs because Dd3 couldnt cope with secondary, she is going to do a course that follows her interest but she cant do it until yr 10!

How about contacting your local autism charity, we have autism west midlands near us but I know there is autism oxford and I am sure lots of others. They might be able to offer some support!

Keep coming on here too, this is really the best place for help, advice and support

Good luck

Connexions is called services for young people now in this LA. They should be able to provide details of all local courses and training to see if there is something to interest him, even just short term.

Did his meds make any difference when he was taking them, and was he taking them correctly? How helpful are CAMHS being? I think I'd be escalating my concerns with them.

DS1 is 15. He does have a statement but is no longer able to attend his OOC indi ss and has 'dropped out' too

The LA have agreed to fund in-county indi ss of his choice but I can't even persuade him to leave the house, never mind engage with his life/future. In the meantime I have requested that they provide EOTAS but tbh his tutors will be in luck if he ever leaves his room to meet them.

He also spends most of his time in bed, never sees anyone outside the family and will hide in his room if anyone visits the house, is not eating properly (really hard to fit in his meals when he does not get up till late afternoon) and has no plans beyond playing fifa, watching you tube videos and staying in bed till he dies. He says that he wants to die because he is so bored but won't even plan to do things he likes or when engaged in doing something that he likes is seemingly happy. He is less 'ticy' that he has been for years and rarely melts down (not awake/out of bed long enough for things to go wrong/complete absence of demand).

He saw a counsellor once over the summer but refused to go back because he does not consider that he is depressed. I wouldn't be happy with him taking meds and I doubt he would agree. CAMHS don't do ASD in these parts so there is no chance of him getting asd-specific counselling.

DS2 was seen by the GOSH HFA clinic recently and even staff there were concerned that we were just going nowhere and no-one seemed to care and said they would advise his GP even though they have never met DS1.

My problem is that I can't get DS1 to engage with any support services even if they exist.

I feel helpless but am concerned that if I pushed things and DS1 was forcibly removed from his place of safety, by well-meaning but misguided mental health professionals, I would be making things a whole lot worse for him. Had to go NC with toxic FIL - according to a letter he thoughtfully wrote, DS1 is 'socially disadvantaged' (whatever that means), parents are 'clueless' and not getting more help borders on criminal negligence! A shark's ability to detect a drop of blood in an ocean is nothing compared to his ability to sniff out vulnerability.

Hi KeepongoingOn1,

Sounds like we are in a very similar position.

I have contacted Youth Support, who are coming out, but we have the same problem, in that he will not engage.
CAMNS have tried CBT, but due to the "rigidity of thinking" cannot help change his mindset.
I had a meeting with EP at Local Authority this week, but little mention of education, only suggestion being he could learn guitar and take up martial arts to fill his time!
I have come to the sad conclusion that there is no real help out there, and if he chooses to simply fester in his bedroom, then there is no one to stop him from doing so!

I am following this thread with interest as I have had cause to look into the availability of support for my DS, 16, who is struggling with getting into college (and hardly ever got into school). He's still on roll at the moment.

Many services for 16 - 18 year olds have shut down. What exists is so patchy from one area to another. We had an appointment recently at a youth charity helping vulnerable/disabled/disengaged 16+ but there were no suitable schemes to pursue. We don't live in a city and anything that sounded even half good was either for residents in the nearest city, or in another town nearby where large parts of the population are officially seen as disadvantaged. The only schemes here, DS was either over-qualified for, as he has got some GCSEs, or they were aimed at keeping disengaged young people occupied with lots of "character building" physical activities and he has mobility issues.

There's also very little in terms of health services since he's turned 16 and been discharged from paediatrics. Technically he can be seen by CAMHS (again!) but all they do is see him once and discharge him as his mental health is partly bound up with a physical condition so they feel they cannot treat him as "purely" anxious and consequently won't treat him at all.

My DS, like the posters' DCs above, doesn't want to engage with any talking therapies and feels no-one can help. He's not good at engaging with home ed either and we've tried this both with an online school and looking at correspondence courses with me. Family circumstances were extremely stressful at the time, but I think the overall result wouldn't have been much better if that had not been the case. I know we could do a less formal type of home ed but I suspect that would be even worse.

I'd love to find something that motivates my DS to get out of the house and meet people and I'm very worried that he is setting up a pattern for life that he may not be able to break. He's tried meds and they didn't make a difference so he stopped taking them after a few months.

Hugs (if acceptable) to everyone going through this.

Yes, my son was on meds too, but stopped taking them. I think he was better on them, but he says they make him feel numb. I think his mood is low at the moment. We are due to see his psychiatrist at CAMHS soon, but they cannot force him to take them. Also, we have tried CBT, and counselling, so I don't know what else they can offer?
I would really like to get him back into education, so that he has some structure to his day, but at the moment he is not open to the idea at all.

This sounds a bit nosy of me, but what do you think was the trigger for his suddenly disengaging with education? since his igsce's, which presumably he did in school. Was it something that happened in the last term of school, or the holidays setting a pattern of isolation, or just the stress of getting through the exams and feeling he can never get the same good results a second time.

I have a son in home education who is 13, with ASD, and I want to try and make sure that the current plan to send him back to school is the right one. At the moment he isn't anxious, but a bit bored by lack of structure and motivation in a home setting. I want to do the right thing - give him academic opportunities but not exacerbate anxieties. He goes out a lot and sees people atm, and we do lots of activities, but he is very behind academically in lots of ways, despite being average intellectual ability.

I so sympathise with your son, I remember in a small way that feeling of not wanting to see anyone aged 17, curling up in a ball, feeling I couldn't face school despite being successful academically, and pressures of course work etc. I think it is a pattern that can recur throughout one's life, but in my case a structured social activity always saved the day..I think I did a drama club (I was good at singing)and that brought me out of my shell. Sometimes a very small change, a chat with my parents in the garden at breakfast, a visit from a relative who was detached and not interfering and told good jokes, or a reason to go outside however briefly can tip one back into feeling more optimistic and then another tiny step forward is taken. But I can remember feeling there was no way out, and I wanted to die - this is for reasons of social isolation etc. All that seems alien to me now, I think those feelings are particularly strong when you are teenager, with any social communication issues and low self esteem for various reasons. It is an impossible vicious circle, you begin to imagine that everyone can manage life but you cannot.

For me the most important thing was to be forced to talk to family members occasionally, at mealtimes and not encouraged to be alone or retreat. Is there any way you could tempt him down in a very non critical manner to share food? Or do some small task for you or errand to rebuild esteem? Or watch humorous telly with him and hear his opinions.

And just walking round the block when he knows that there is no pressure to do something else because he has proved he can get out of bed.

I do not think that there was a trigger as such last term. We have had ongoing problems for the last 3yrs with school absenteeism, run ins with teaching staff, violent outbursts, social isolation, and an overdose in 2013.
I think that he has struggled hugely for the last couple of years, and having had a long break over the summer post GCSE, cannot face the pressure,of it all starting up again with A levels.
He is academic, and loves to learn. He tells us that he knows his school is the right place for him, and that he is making a" big mistake " as he always dreamed of going to Cambridge.
He has looked at apprenticeships, and possible jobs, but quickly dismissed them, as he is so academic, he feels they are beneath him.
He tends to avoid relatives, friends or any social situations at the moment, as too many awkward questions I guess.
It is not easy to tempt him out with food, as he is so fussy with his food now, and is usually up when we are asleep (avoidance tactic) to have the run of the place, so in a completely different time zone to us.
He also has suspected PDA, so it is difficult to ask or suggest anything to him, as he simply refuses automatically, without even considering it.
I have been trying to get him to walk the dog,to help me out, but he refuses, as he sees this as a chore, and refuses to help in anyway, as he does not see why he should!