ASD compulsions MNetters advice please

[luckylady74]

Where do you draw the line with your ASD children's compulsive/obsessive behaviour? I feel torn between on the one side - respecting my son's interests, not wanting to stress him out by denying him things unnecessarily and getting 5 minutes break despite knowing that may lead to 15 minutes clearing up! And on the other side if I let him do something then that can never be a one off and will be repeated excessively, worry I'm increasing the compulsion, think i should be setting clearer boundaries, the other siblings see him being allowed to do things they are not eg - get down from table [if managed to get him to it!] to check on any number of things. Feel worn out by the trail of mess and repetitive questions, but really guilty by how stressed he is if i attempt to put the reins on and i'm thinking that if a lot of it's self comforting what can he replace it with. At the moment there's no interest in toys or tv and he'd be very happy repeatedly feeding cat, making drinks, drinking, checking larder/fridge for food that's running out, throwing out loo roll so he can then put a new one on the holder and he chews most things from the cat flap to the advent calendar!Feel like i constantly resort to threats of withdrawing treats because distraction is hard and persuasion impossible! Just wanted to know what other mum's responses to kid's compulsions are really.

I try to turn a blind eye to some of ds's obsessions as if he stops doing one thing he usually starts another. I see it as reserving my energy for dealing with things that might be dangerous. It's hard though because he can be so irritating and as you say it's hard on the siblings who have to put up with it too. Luckily dd is 4 years older than ds so she understands why he gets away with some things even if she doesn't like it!

I'm afraid I don't really have any experience of this but wanted to say that it must be really difficult to manage this type of behaviour and you shouldn't feel guilty - I'm sure you are doing your best. Hopefully someone with more knowledge about this will be along soon.

sorry Pixel crossed posts

really shouldn't feel guilty

I was given the greatest bit of advice once and that is "choose your battles"

there will be some things that you will need to stop and however bad the tantrum and fall out, you need to stay firm. but there are others where you just think, does it really matter....if it doesn't then dont worry.

so yrou house is a bit untidy at times....GOOD! it shows you have a child that isn't repressed and is abel to express himself freely...or at least thats the excuse i use and am sticking with

I asked a conusltant about this for my son. She said to distinguish between obsessions (which are chosen- say someone with HFA having a interest in computers) and compulsions (ds1 has loads, opening and closing doors, having to have certain lights on and others off) she said that these are not voluntary and therefore you need to take control of it. You do this by directing anger at the oobject of the compulsion (not the child) "no naughty door, door does not control ds1" etc. To my surprise it worked.

Allowing compulsions to continue unchecked will feed them, however although its (ime) fairly easy to get rid of a particular compulsion it will tend to get replaced by something else. If a compulsion is dangerous or annoying for others we get rid of it (by refusing to lt ds1 indulge). If it's not really a problem we limit it by letting him do it a bit but then saying "last time, 5,4,3,2,1 finished". Of course he goes back to it quite quickly but it does help to limit it.

jimjams we also do the counting down method!!

god only knows how many times a day we do a count down!! ds is a meddler and allways has to mess around with something like at the moment its rearanging the christmas tree every 5 mins!!

I think jimjams is right we let ds do his obsessions ie lineing up cars and teddys but try to put a stop to the meddling as it drives us crazy!!

Thank you for the support and advice - i think the addition to our household of nana and dog for a week had tipped me over the edge!
Pixel - i think it will be a bit easier when twins are older [22 months] so they can understand their brother a little more.
Santasfattymumma - you're right i must stop thinking a tidy house will solve my problems!
Jimjams2 - thank you for making the distinction - i do the blaming the object thing when he's upset over breaking something ect. so i should be able to that.
Redbullandbump - the meddling thing sounds so familiar - will start counting down - i think i'ii have to physically remove him from the situation too at first.
This may sound odd, but ds1 has no actual obsession in terms of lining up cars or dinosaurs type things - perhaps this will come when he starts school in january. i know this will sound silly to mums who spend hours a day listening to dirges about pokemon, but i'd quite like to be able to support something like that , at least i'd know there was something i could get him for xmas!

ds doesn't have any obsessions really either - except washing machines and washing lines, but he doesn;t really do anything useful with them. He loves computers but finds it very difficult to use one because his compulsions take over.

jimjams - I spent much of the summer discussing at length which of our neighbours had whirlygig washing lines and which had ordinary ones - thank goodness they've gone in doors`to use their tumble driers now it's winter!

Had to LOL at Pokemon. My dd is NT (supposedly though I see traits) and she is the one with the Pokemon obsession!

It is hard and I think you have to distinguish between those behaviours that cause "problems", i.e. interfere with your chld's ability to function as well as he can and those that are just annoying but don't cause any "harm". I believe that individuals with ASD need their repetitive behaviours as these give them comfort and security. However, a behaviour that you have decided is "acceptable" can become a problem if it becomes excessive and causes the individual with ASD anxiety by DOING it rather than not doing it. Its very hard to manage though. We have used countdowns, timers, tried to restrict access if other objects are involved, only allow it following good communication or reserve it if its an object as a reinforcer etc etc. These behaviours never go away. As Jimjams says, they are usually replaced with something else. My DS replaces obsessive and repetitive behaviours regularly with new ones, often along the same lines, but some are much more tolerable than others. Sorry, not much help!

Thank you Davros - it is very helpful because i was getting really freaked by the way one day 'yes it's finished' is the right calming response and the next day he wants me to say there's a drop left - and i think he's been made anxious by something that used to soothe him or he just flips and panics in the heat of repetition as it were!
thanks Pixel!