explosive children. is there any hope?

[donajimena]

I'm at my wits end. My son is horrible. I'm scared to wake him up. He is being seen by CAMHS but we are only at the start of the process.
In the meantime I have to spend each day with a child who explodes over EVERYTHING.
I'm not coping. He is 12 and I cannot bear the thought that we have to live like this until he becomes independent (if he ever does ) I could fucking weep. Or leave home. I wanted to put him in care on more than one occasion rather than have me and is brother suffer like this.
So I am now reading (only at the very beginning) and am fearful that if this doesn't bring about some solutions then we are fucked.
Has anyone had a similar situation and will this help?
Thank you

Thank you. Are there any particular reads recommended on the above? I'm very inspired by the 'huge progress'
The one thing that is really upsetting me is the explosion upon trying to get him up for school. The only thing I say 'time to get up' triggers a booommm !
I get butterflies and not in a good way. I will certainly do my own research too on the above topics but if anyone has ANYTHING ideas on the mornings I'd love to know.

Thanks ever so much. I'll have a good look at those tonight

Dd is similarly explosive, from the time she wakes up to go to school ( I really must read 'the explosive child' that's sitting on my kindle), but I don't say time to get up, I say, "which uniform would you like me to get you this morning?". Control is back in her court, she decides, but clearly I just need to get her out of bed! It's by no means fool proof, but essentially I don't ask her to do anything, I present it as a choice. She will often try to offer different alternatives - just her trying to control the situation. It takes as long to get her ready as my 3 yo and she is 7.

There seems to be a little less pressure on all of us doing it this way (4dcs in all and mornings are had work).

Dd is probably HFA ASD and pDA if we ever actually get a diagnosis

Thanks imip I do definitely think the choice thing works. I'm just trying to think of a valid one..
My choice of you can get up now and catch the bus or lie in and cycle went 'boooomm'

He wouldn't sleep then couldn't get up in the morning. He's on melatonin now. The results are amazing from a sleeping POV but now he's blaming the reluctance to get out of bed on the meds... and explodes over taking them. (Err ok Mr so what was the problem getting up without an explosion for the last x number of years? You've only been on them a fucking week!!)
I absolutely hate my life at the moment and I apologise in advance to anyone whose situation is worse than mine as I know its mild compared to the SN hardships some of my friends go through.
I'm just not coping very well at the moment

Ive just had this exchange:' hi son ive noticed you have had trouble getting up in the morning'
Him: its the meds now can you go? you are messing up the last of my screen time
Me: thats ok we don't have to talk about it now.
Him :ok ok ok just go

No explosion on his part. Just doesn't give a shit. Im screwed.

You choose the wrong moment - and you are catastrophizing. Neither of which help.

Sometime when he is calm and not distracted try again. Or say I will come in 10 minutes and we will talk about you getting up.

If he is really bad with transitions then he will both find it hard to break off something he is doing and to get up in the morning.

Has he got an alarm clock? What are the consequences if he gets up late? Gets to school late?

You do sound exhausted. It is hard.

Grrr, just lost a long post!

I'm no expert has last night I almost broke down over dd refusing to change her sheets despite wetting them the night before. 1.5 hrs spent on this task, meltdowns, refusing to sleep in her bed etc etc.

However, mornings I have worked out marginally better. I break down the choices into v small time horizons. Would you like to wear tights or socks today? get out of bed and bloody well get dressed would you like museli or toast seriously, we need to get downstairs now and get out of the house it's a pain in the arse, but I have to get 4 DCs off to school and nursery in the less traumatic way....