Does my 6 year old DS have Aspergers? What should we do next to help him?

[Burgundycoralpink]

Hi everyone,

After a difficult Reception year DS has just started in Y1 with the same ongoing problems with his behaviour. I think it's getting worse.

Brief history of him. He was clingy and cried a lot as a baby. Really difficult to settle and very fussy. He got along well at nursery but teachers noted he has difficulty transitioning between activities. He hates leaving something if he hasn't finished it. They accommodated him well and understood him.

Apart from that no problems at nursery. Fast forward to school, a much bigger and noisier environment and he has struggled. He doesn't always do what the teachers ask him to. He is physical at playtime and lunchtime, and sometimes in the classroom. Scribbling on his work or someone else's, pushing, name calling, annoying behaviour. Not stopping when asked to.

Have had a meeting with class teacher and SEN. They don't think we need to look at SEN. They think he is immature and lacks impulse control. He is a September birthday. They want me to continue talking to him at home but no other action will be taken. SEN said that at our school they decide if a child "needs support or is choosing to behave like this". My DS is choosing to behave like this according to their observations. Therefore they will not be offering any additional support.

His other personality traits are:

Very loving and cuddly
Very polite, beautiful manners
Extremely articulate
Lies awake after lights out, needs less sleep than other children his age
Is brilliant one to one, very engaged in conversation
Can go on and on describing something without realising he needs to edit and has lost other persons interest
Bad loser
Excellent with number/sums
Excellent with Lego and Puzzles from a very young age
Excellent memory
Loves a couple of subjects but does show interest in all sorts of things
Naturally inquisitive
Finds change difficult - it makes him behave more rigidly
Very grumpy when he's anxious or unhappy
Not at all intimidated by adults and talks to them as though he is talking to another child
Likes to get his own way, dictate the game, is bossy with other children
Finds it difficult to have friends in his bedroom/space/sharing his toys
Hates loud noises (motorbikes, sirens) and noisy places
Very good at concentrating for long periods

I suspect he has mild aspergers but know very little about the condition. School do not think it's a special need at this point. What should I do next? I would like his observed by an ed psych but do I need schools cooperation and back up for this?

I would say just keep an eye on it to be honest, i wouldnt think its to concerning at the moment as hes still young and he seems to have a lot thats positive,sometimes it just takes some children longer to ajust to school than others xxx

My son no loving or cuddly,hated being picked up,
Not articulate
diddnt sleep
not engaged in conversation and still isnt at 8
he doesnt like losing but i drun it into him that its about having fun now,although he diddnt like losing when little
he wasnt excellent with numbers or sums
was great with lego or puzzles his fine motor skills were rubbish,hes only just leanred how to do his seatbelt and open a chocolate bar
memor not excellent it is for certain things, but can do something 1 min and forget the next
change difficult oh yes
grumpy when anxious or unhappy i think this is most children
not sure all children are intimidated by adults to be honest
own way,dictate and bossy yes but also is typical for neurotypical and asd
friends ect in bedroom uhmmm yes
loud noises does it affect day to day living? it does ours we cant use a toilet outside of home
concentrating for long periods, im not so sure this fits, it doesnt fit with my son but might others xxx

There are a lot of behaviours that are typical for your sons age to be honest,i would keep an eye out for a while.

Thank you. It's really the bad behaviour that worries me. Does your DS push and annoy other children at school?

DS has a thing about hitting people in the face at the moment. With balls, hands, not very hard but it's horrible. He laughs and doesn't seem to get that it hurts them.

My son had all these traits as a young child apart from the hurting other children and being very good at maths. He's 12 now. We discovered along the way that he had retained reflexes, sensory processing issues and Dyslexia. He's never liked school very much and while he does have some friends he struggles to get on with his peers. Based on our experience, I would ask the school about Social Skills Training, I feel this would have helped my son when he was your DS's age. If the school don't do this, try and source it privately if possible. Is he your first child? In hindsight, we were overly anxious and protective of our first DS and I think this hindered his development. (second DS is much more easy going). Regardless of his possible difficulties you do need to set firm boundaries. Hurting another child is not acceptable. He sounds like hes very bright, if his comprehension is good enough I suggest you agree a list of consequences for hurting another child. By the same token having a good behaviour chart where you place a gold star when his teacher says he has been kind to others might help.After a certain number of stars he gets a treat. There are lots of books available on Amazon you can read together about making friends and being a good friend. Books I suggest for you to read include The Challenging Child, The Highly Sensitive Child and Raising Boys. Good luck!

He sounds quite similar to my ds's at that age who now have a diagnosis of AS although at your son's age they did not do much hitting they have made up for it since . I think, however, if school are not seeing it you would find it difficult to get a diagnosis at this age as each factor on its own is not that out of the norm. I would suggest starting a diary so you can start to see a pattern of behaviour which will be very useful when /if you go the diagnosis route.

What school and you need to be doing though at the moment is tackling the behavioural problems. If he does have AS then causes might be sensory problems, anxiety or poor social communication skills. We found that teachers really struggle to grasp that a child can be great academically but totally unable to explain their feelings or needs. If the causes are these then treating your ds as a "naughty" boy and sanctioning accordingly is not likely to be very effective. I know my ds's school kept banging on about "making the right choices" without ever really comprehending that at the moment of time of the incident the ds's had very little control over what they were doing. Strategies that might be more effective are to reduce sensory overload e.g. by careful positioning in the classroom, being at the front or the back of the line so he doesn't get touched etc. For anxiety reduction visual timetables can help, advance warning of changes, a behaviour book (positive one) so your son is reassured when he is doing things right (worked very well for ds1).

They should also be tackling the poor social communication skills - many schools have social skills groups which may help where he can be taught how to turn take, lose "gracefully" (we are still working on that one at 12!) and develop flexible thinking skills to be able to compromise with his peers. Letting him work as a pair rather than in a group during classwork can also be successful because a child who can not interact successfully with one peer is never going to do well in a group.

Good luck. Your child may not have AS - nobody on an internet forum can diagnosis - but using strategies that help children with AS are unlikely to do harm and may be very beneficical.

What one and polter said.

Educate yourself so that you can advocate for your Ds and help make school a less traumatic place for him!

I have worked with children for over 20 yrs and I can honestly say I have hardly met any who "chose" to go around hitting people! The ones who do nearly always need more support and understanding!

Good luck

Sounds very much like my ds 4.5. 1st week in reception went astonishingly well but not expecting it ton last once the novelty has worn off. He did a lot of annoying other kids deliberately. Never made any friends but wasn't bothered by it. Hits me and his dad quite a lot. Consequences and zero tolerance haven't made much difference. We just can't seem to get through to him on this issue despite him being very bright. We are going assessment for HFA. Also, will be getting him assessed for retained reflexes.

I know this is an old thread, but did you get to the bottom of this with your son? As mine is having similar issues.

Mine too, any advice? I think my son is pda, knowing that does not help with school.