WWYD? Please advise re dd and school/English ...

[frazzledbutcalm]

Hoping most of you will remember dd but will post more info later if needs be. Dd was VERY upset last night, they are reading a "horrible, horrible" book in English. She couldn't tell me why it was horrible but she was deeply upset by it.

Turns out it's Private Peaceful, about world war 1, quite harrowing in some parts. In the first few pages a boy's dad dies. I'm assuming this is what's upset dd, probably combined with teacher briefly explaining the book.

Spoke to school, they've said she has to do this topic as it's part of the curriculum and it lasts for 10 weeks. Fair enough. I was told by year 8, aged 12 to 13 is mature enough to introduce sad/troublesome stories. Fair enough. However I pointed out that due to ASD dd emotions/development/outlook etc are appox 2/3 of actual age. So more like 9 ish. They said to have a think over the weekend and suggested if needs be then dd can do a project on something else but she'd have to work by herself. This was all said/discussed in a nice way I have to add.

So what do I do? My initial feeling was dd can't continue with the book as it will affect all her day, not just that 1 lesson due to the processing of ASD. But, I very much doubt she could work independently on a project.

To add to it, LIST have been seeing dd at school and have identified her language and communication skills are lacking which will greatly impact her ability etc in English. (I've known this for years! Pleased someone professional has now recognised it!) We have a meeting next week to discuss what help school should provide.

So there's my dilemma. However, she's come in from school tonight and her English teacher has been great. She took dd to one side and said if the book upset her any time, just to tell her and she'll see what she can do. They also had a writing task (teacher says things, children write, and repeat) ... the teacher said her stuff then watched dd, who wrote then stretched hands as they get sore very easily (hypermobility), when she saw dd pick up her pen again that's when the teacher said her next bit. So that's great!

My feeling now is to let dd continue with the book, see how the teacher helps her and go from there.

Any thoughts? (sorry it's long)

Initial thought - the English teacher does sounds great - talking to DD about her sensitivity to the book and then making allowance for her hypermobility.

Yes, as you say, I think I'd now let DD continue with the book for the time being. You said the alternative was working on a different project by herself - which you said might be too difficult for DD. If she would still be in the class hearing the teachers and pupils 'work' on the book it might be better if she ws studying it with the class with a teacher who is aware of her sensitivities and will try to help.

My DS (Y9 ASD) is similar - in your situation I'd also hope that managing to study the book with support would actually be a confidence booster. With my DS his initial reaction might well be he wasn't going to have anything more to do with the book if he felt it was 'horrible' but it would be great if he trusted the teacher enough to support him through it.

Thanks panne

The Head of English said it would not be possible to have support.
But today the English teacher was great. I have a meeting early next week so I'm definitely going to mention the positive comments to the teacher. It's those small things which make a HUGE difference for our delicate children.

We had big problems with english at secondary frazzled , the teacher does sound helpful though!

I would be questioning why your Dd cant have support though, have they already spent all of the delegated sen funding that your Dd is entitled to tap into? I doubt it somehow!!

Good luck with your meeting

Thanks ineed. I'm hoping once LIST have spoken to school they will be able to understand dd even more. I'll find out more info next week, but you're right, they couldn't possibly have spent all her money already! She was awarded the highest tier of top up funding! I'm not sure how it works though.

Hope your home schooling is going well.

English teacher does sound good. Head of English was wrong to state what he/she did. It is possible to get support but you're going to have to be the one to get that for her.

The problem also here is that the school are really under no obligation to listen to or actually act on what LIST tell them.

Funding is not something I would get at all bogged down in but I do not think they have spent much funding on your child at all.

I would seriously now consider applying yourself to the LEA in question for an EHCP. That will buck their ideas up a bit. IPSEA's website is helpful generally when it comes to the minefield that is SEN and education and I would also suggest you contact them too. Their web address is www.ipsea.org.uk

Thanks Attila. So far they've given dd an LSA to support her in PE, ICT, SMSC (personal development/RE), Music and Tech.

I too think dd needs an EHCP but I'm so scared of the process for one after reading on here!

I have 2 other dc going through the asd assessment process so the meetings needed for all 3 just take over my life completely. I feel I just don't have the strength to fight even more for an EHCP.

I know that sounds awful

No it doesnt sound awful at all frazzled if the school are putting support in that is good, maybe it just needs tweaking!

If later in the yr you are worried that things are not going well and she is still getting lots of support but its not enough, then maybe you could do an ehc request!

Its likely to get turned down right now anyway because she hasnt been there long enough for them to see if they can support her !

I agree Atilla about not getting bogged down with funding but at our recent tribunal the school senco was asked how she had allocated the higher level of funding that had been received for Dd3 and she couldnt! It was an important point and the panel were keen that we as parents were given a clear picture of how the funding had been used!

Good luck frazzled

Oops sorry Attila having a spelling fail this morning!

ineed ... I meant sounds awful that I just don't have the energy anymore to make sure all 3dc needs are being met

School are being very good, we're very new there so I realise it will take time to tweak everything. The Senco is split between 3 schools (shared partnership) so she's only at our school a few days a week now, but is contactable 24/7 by email. And she responds to email almost immediately, and does pass messages to other members of staff immediately. But I felt like I was having to explain dd all over again to head of english

Anyway, I'm popping in on Monday for quick chat with head of english. Then have a proper meeting with Senco and dd care co-ordinator at the end of the week. Then a separate meeting with senco and LIST team a few days later. So it's all feeling a bit muddled which is getting to me a bit.

To add to it all, dd is getting 2 teeth removed on Monday under GA ready to have braces fit.

Thanks bb

I'd never thought of how others were finding the book .. I just thought of dd's asd!
Dd was so upset, didn't want to go to school. But I think if she knows there's support then it might be ok. It's frustrating that her teacher was only so good because I went in. It would be lovely if they could just understand and support without me having to always 'instigate' it.

There's so much going on with the 3 of them, none of it off it's own bat - I have to fight for everything, explain everything, push all the time. That's what I find exhausting.

I knew what you meant frazzled and I meant if school are puttig stuff into place you could take your foot off the pedal with it for a while and take a breather!

Dont make the same mistake I did though and take your eye off the ball, its fine to take a break and sit back but stay vigilant.

Chose your battles and protect your own mental and pysical health too

Sorry just read that back and its sounds a bit crap! I meant that I hadnt explained myself very well!