Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

Original poster

Being made to do a parenting course...

20 replies

TheDetective · 08/09/2015 00:18

My first post in this section of the boards.

I've had concerns about my almost 3 year old DS, from, well, forever really.

He started nursery 6 months ago mainly for socialising him and having fun. He also had some SALT sessions from feb-july as I had concerns he had a lot of difficulty/delay in understanding. He had a total of 4 sessions at home, then discharged as had progressed naturally with his speech without needing intervention. He's had a hearing and sight test both of which were fine.

I approached nursery 2 weeks ago to ask if they had any concerns with my DS. The immediate answer was yes. Myself and the nursery had very similar concerns about him. Delay in understanding, extreme tantrums, head banging, refusal to engage with activities and other adults. I could go on with a few more things, but I'd be here ages!

So I contacted the HV who came to see us. We completed the ages and stages questionnaire, of which he scored reasonably in all areas. She observed him for a little while at home and said that she thinks he's normal, but displaying extreme ends of normal toddler behaviour. She suggested that if I wanted him referred to the paediatricians for assessment, I would have to do a parenting course before they would see him.

I fed this back to nursery, who were not happy. They now want to do a CAF and push for one to one support for him as they can not cope with his tantrums. They are very concerned about his behaviours.

Anyway, the upshot is, I've been told I have to do a parenting course in order to see the paeds. Even though both the HV and nursery have independently said they don't think it is a parenting problem.

I want to make sure my son gets all the support and help he needs - but I feel like I'm wasting my time. It's a 14 week course, and I am a single parent to a 13 year old, my almost 3 year old and my 3 month old (who incidently is EBF and they want him to go in a crèche!). I can't help wondering what on earth would happen if I was at work rather than on maternity leave. How could I do it then? It would be completely impossible!

Has anyone else been told similar? What if the course isn't useful? What if my baby won't go in the crèche? He usually clusterfeeds around the time the session starts. I'm due to start this Wednesday.

Help! (Ps. I'd rather it WAS my parenting. But I'm pretty sure it isn't...)

OP posts:

shazzarooney99 · 08/09/2015 07:18

Ok first of all do not do what i did, i was not informed very well about what a caf was and i went home and googled it, i saw socail services and thought theres no way i am signing that, i now firmly belive had i signed it i would have a heck of a lot more help than i get now.

when my sons hv done a 2 n half year check at 3 years she told me he had developmental delay, no mention of a parenting course.

if i were you id go to the gp and tell them your concerns and see if they will refer you onto a pead, the only time ive ever been asked to go on a parenting course was for cahms.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/09/2015 08:12

You do not have to do a parenting course in order to see a paediatrician, whoever told you that was just wrong.

I would also go to the GP asap and ask/insist on a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Your son has additional needs, its not to do with parenting.

Original poster

TheDetective · 08/09/2015 20:16

Well, I'm sat here in tears tonight.

Collected DS from nursery this afternoon to be told he had another bad day, and they want him to stop his increased hours.

They only increased today!! He was doing 2 days 10-5 from when he started. I asked a couple of weeks ago to increase his hours to add 2 afternoons in as I felt it would be more beneficial for both him and my baby. I felt the time I was spending with my older DS was not quality time as I was trying to spend time with the baby too. And the days he was in nursery I wasn't getting to spend time with the baby as I was rushing about getting all the cleaning, shopping and errands done. Treading water basically.

So I've been holding off increasing his hours because of that silly parental guilt we all carry. Now I've bit the bullet and gone for it, and actually felt it would help us all - we've been knocked back. I'm honestly gutted.

I have zero help from anyone, they are all down to me. And the one source of outside help that I'm paying for, is no longer helping particularly...!!

Sorry this is all just a rambling mess. Feeling a tad hormonal and emotional.

I have been rushed through to start the parenting course tomorrow. I'm expected to put my 3 month old breastfed baby in the cr??che. I asked what happens when he needs feeding. Well, we don't really know was the answer. Well, either he comes in the course with me, or I go out and miss the course. I've got a bad feeling about tomorrow already. I'm not happy to leave my baby in the care of anyone else yet... Let alone people I've not even met....

I'm going to speak to the HV tomorrow morning before the course starts. The staff who run the course came to speak to me this afternoon, and the content of the course is everything I'm already doing.

OP posts:

AndNowItsSeven · 08/09/2015 21:27

Caf's don't exists any more they have been replaced by ehap - early help assessment plan.
The cr??che should only be in the next room in the childrens centre. The staff would get you straight away if he needed you.

AndNowItsSeven · 08/09/2015 21:27

*Creche

FannyFifer · 08/09/2015 21:36

This sounds very odd, I have seen paediatricians & never had to do a parenting course.
Keep baby with you. I wouldn't under any circumstance leave my breastfed baby with strangers..

shazzarooney99 · 08/09/2015 22:10

Andnowitsseven Cafs doe still exist because i done one just before the holidays xxx

Original poster

TheDetective · 08/09/2015 22:57

Nursery called it a CAF, the HV referred to it as early help. I'm assuming it's all the same thing and interchangeable.

He's been seen by a paed for CMPI and reflux, he's still under them. But for behavioural issues, they decline the referral unless the feckless mother has completed a parenting course.

Which beggars belief to me. But there you go...

OP posts:

Original poster

TheDetective · 08/09/2015 23:01

I've no idea on anything about this cr??che, and it's making me anxious. I don't know who is running it, their qualifications, staffing ratios. I have a dairy and soya free child - how do they intend to make sure he has no access to food he can't have. What about somewhere to sleep - he naps in a cot. Same for the baby. Where will the baby sleep? They won't know his feeding cues - I'll be bought a crying screaming baby - when I could have fed him before he cries - because that's what you do when Bf.

Just so many questions and uneasiness.

I don't even want my toddler to go to the cr??che not knowing all this stuff. Let alone my newborn.

OP posts:

AndNowItsSeven · 09/09/2015 00:30

They might still call them cafs out of habit , however they have been replaced. One of the key reasons is so you can have multiple children from one family under the sand ehap.
Op my dd has ads and I have attended courses with cr??ches at sure starts.
I would image the cr??che will be a room either next door or very close. There will be no food given unless you provide a snack, drinks etc.
Baby will most likely sleep in a bouncer or pram carrycot.
The staff will be qualified nursery nurses and will be able to recognise babies hunger cues.
Please try not to worry, you sound quite anxious.
I do think it's ridiculous though, you should not be forced to complete a course if you don't want to.
Is it Webster Stratton incredible years, by any chance, because if so the course is actually well worth doing.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/09/2015 00:31

*asd

sanfairyanne · 09/09/2015 02:49

Have you spoken to your GP yet and asked for a referral? Is it the GP who told you it is compulsory to do this course before making a referral?

PolterGoose · 09/09/2015 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthWestmom · 09/09/2015 07:21

When did it all Start? Is it linked to the new baby?
I'm going against the grain and I think for behavioural issues its possible that looking at small changes in parenting could help and avoid unecessary time with a paed. Maybe not for you, but generally.

2boysnamedR · 09/09/2015 16:53

I have heard parents really rate these courses. Not done one myself and tbh I think I'd scoff at the suggestion.

I have seen four peads though!

SouthWestmom · 09/09/2015 17:09

Yes me too, I know several people who got a lot out of it

PolterGoose · 09/09/2015 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenStarlight · 11/09/2015 14:12

Does the parenting course offer childcare/cr??che? If so, take it. You don't have to listen, you could plan dinner or a holiday. You may also meet some people referred for similar reasons which could be a lifeline.

QueenStarlight · 11/09/2015 14:25

'She suggested that if I wanted him referred to the paediatricians for assessment, I would have to do a parenting course before they would see him.'

If YOU wanted him referred, YOU would have to do a parenting course?

Hang on. What about HIS needs? If HE needs a referral, then HE needs one with immediate effect.

If you refuse the parenting course is that a good reason for the professionals to leave his needs unmet? Absolutely not.

Parenting can be variable. Many offer fairly little but can still be occasionally useful, especially hearing about what other parents struggle with and possible solutions. Also, if your child is difficult it is possible that you haven't been to as many places with other 3yr olds to 'benchmark' both development and also parenting. (though I have 3 kids and am generally not too risk adverse, it was only when I saw two other parents allow their 3yr olds on a particular climbing frame that was as high as the SHARD that I registered it was probably okay to let my 3yr old on too).

QueenStarlight · 11/09/2015 14:28

Sorry, just seen that your baby has needs that prevent you from attending a parenting course at the moment.

Go to your GP. List your concerns. Ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Get a supporting note from the nursery. Don't take no for an answer. If parenting course comes up, say you'll do it on recommendation of the paediatrician by which time your EBF baby will be able to cope with separation.

Flip