ASD - can social skills improve

[HoursTurnIntoDays]

I feel a bit fed up today - as for some reason DS was very zoned out when his uncle came to visit.

Sometimes DS is very animated and engaged and quite 'normal' and chatty - and sometimes he looks far away and isn't saying much.

As he gets older and becomes more aware of expected behaviour I'm wondering if he might be able to make more of an effort -

Or do I have to accept that things realistically won't improve - and might even get worse

I believe people have the capacity to learn - the rate of which will depend on any learning difficulties.

But I think of it like an athlete. They will improve in their sport, they will perform better at some competitions than others due to muscle fatigue, nerves or whatever. But they will generally improve their times, distances with practice and training.

Same with a person who has autism. They will learn socially acceptable/ neurotypical behaviours. But the ability to 'perform' will depend on what else is going on.

My ds has really good days where you'd think what autism? (To an extent!). Then days where you wonder where all the skills he's learnt have buggered off to?!

Maybe you could get his uncle to strike up a conversation about a special interest of your DSes? That may draw him into conversation? It may be your ds shuts down because he can't strike up the conversation and the thought processes needed to do that wear him out before he's started?

It was like he was 'shut down' or 'zoned out' - so even though his uncle was playing a game that DS normally loves - DS was far far away staring. It's really frustrating because if he can't interact with his uncle on a topic he loves - then how is he going to interact with the other children when he's back to school

I really find it hard to understand why his brain is sometimes switched on. On those days I'm thinking 'Does he really even have autism?'. Sometimes he can be so charming with people - and other times he doesn't communicate or answers a bit rudely

Sometimes I'm hopeful when I see how normal he can be - he does have the ability to be social - but that ability disappears at times.

It's so important to be just a bit social or he'll end up isolated. If he could just be social enough to make a small group of like minded friends I would be happy.

The worst thing is I find myself getting a bit annoyed with him. I know it's not his fault but I feel anxious because I love him. I remember when I was young I was very quiet and my dad put a lot of pressure on me to play with other children and I hated it - I still remember the feeling of pressure. Now I'm trying to force DS to be social . Forcing him probably won't make any real difference because it's innate. But if I don't try to get him to be social he'll never learn

Hi, I completely know what your are saying. My DS (10 yrs) has just been diagnosed ASD even though we knew for years that something was not quite right. He can appear very NT and even the EP's doing his ADOS and ADI had a hard time diagnosing him as at times he appeared very autistic and then the next minute very NT. I have had so many people say he can't be autistic and then other people saying how do I cope with an autistic child?!!

It must be due to the sensory overload that I think they just have to switch off. My DS tells me he feels utterly exhausted to do things he is not comfortable with and that it 'takes all my breath from me'. He does try to socialise but admitted it is just because I have asked him to make an effort and he doesn't want to let me down. I know how you feel and sometimes it does give me hope to know that he can appear so 'normal' if that's the right word. I am hoping that with help and maturity he will learn strategies to cope and at least be able to join society without having to retreat to his own world all the time. Don't give up hope, I'm sure they will get there!!

My DS2 is 18 now, so I'm a bit further down the line.

He's never going to be natural at conversation..or the centre of a social circle, BUT he has improved greatly over the years. We have had to teach him HOW to talk and more importantly when to stop (he struggles with this!) as he has a tendency to be a one way download of info on his particular obsession and not let anyone get a word in edgeways He also repeats himself constantly which is very wearing!

We have been quite strict with him.. he's allowed to repeat himself a couple fo times and then we stop him.. 'Charlie have you already just said this?' STOP'!

He does... momentarily at least! Other times he shuts down as you say and just zones out completely. It's not ideal but the thing is.. HE doesn't care that he's not good at talking in the right way... he is perfectly happy as he is!

I think you can definitely encourage good interaction, but at the same time it's his autism.. it is who and how he is and forcing it might be counter productive in the long run. He may not need to be sociable in the same way as neurotypical people... (mine certainly doesn't!)

It would be great to hear what others have tried to do to work on social communication/ skills, and what the success was.

We have been advised to try social thinking with my son to try improve his social skills. (www.socialthinking.com/)

Has anyone tried this, and if so did you have success?

I think all things have potential to improve - or what's the point of interventions?

I was very shy. I had to expand my comfort zone repeatedly at uni then work. I'd still rather hide away, but I can do those things now, sometimes quite well.

Inside I'm like "Sod this!" And could keep it every day. It's little bits that all add up.

NellieNeeds - How old is your son? I have used Part 1 of the Incredible Flexible You curriculum (and am anxiously awaiting part 2). This curriculum is fantastic for verbal children with only a mild or no language delay and who are preschool aged or a bit older. It comes with 5 books that are useful in and of themselves, as well as with a textbook with loads of program ideas. It has really helped my younger clients understand concepts such as whole body talking as well as the idea that other people have thoughts and ideas, and that they may not be the same thoughts and ideas you have. The next Social Thinking curriculum is the Superflex curriculum. I have less experience using this. When I do, I try to focus on the most relevant "Superflex" characters, because there are a lot of them, and it can become a bit overwhelming trying to remember them all. The ones I use the most are "Rock Brain" (Rock Brain is an evil villain that makes you get "stuck" on ideas, but Superflex can defeat him using flexible thinking) and "Glassman" (who has really big upset reactions to seemingly little things). Finally, for teenagers or adults who might feel a bit too old for superhero talk, there's "Thinking about YOU thinking about ME." I've used a few ideas from this book but I personally found it heavy on words and low on actual useful ideas for implementation. However this is likely because I work with a younger population than the intended audience of this book. I hope that's helpful!

My Son is just about to turn 6. He loves superheros, but after the initial excitement of superflex he now seems to get annoyed if we bring up one of the characters when trying to talk about something that has happened.

He has just started a new school, and they integrate social thinking into the school day so we will see how that goes. Am hoping it does have an impact as he currently doesn't think about the impact his behaviour has on others and we have had a number of incidents where he has lashed out at others.

Could have written this thread except about the part where sometimes your Ds seems really engaged. This is rare for us. The worry and panic I feel about his lack of verbal interaction is overwhelming and consuming.
If I ask him anything he answers me with the fewest words possible what he thinks you want to hear to shut conversations down. He's bright but I just think that counts for shit if he won't speak or even try. He says it makes him feel sleepy so I've talked to him about practising like swimming, none of us can swim but with practice we get better and stronger - it's like water off a ducks back.