Those of you who are lone parents - who helps you?

[bodenbiscuit]

I have three dds, who are 13, 11 and 6. The 13 year old has severe and complex needs. She's severely autistic and has epilepsy but possibly has undiagnosed conditions including Tourette's.

Her behaviour is very challenging at times. But I think there are a number of issues going on. I don't think her current school is meeting her needs for one. I've just asked the LA for a reassessment of needs and I have a school in mind that I would like her to be transferred to.

The problem I have is that I have to rely on my parents to help me with her because of having a home to run, my other children to look after and the 6 year old also has dyspraxia so she needs more help than most 6 year olds.

The problem is that my parents aren't very nice to dd1. They seem to feel that I should put her into care and they shouldn't have to help me. I don't want this for her - I think she is too young and I strongly believe that I'm her best advocate as I've always been wiling to fight for her to get the things she needs. I feel (and so do CAMHS) that if she moves to a more appropriate school, her behaviour is likely to be improved.

Sorry I don't know what happened there!

Anyway my question is, for those of you who are lone parents, how do you manage?

Hi didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Sorry to hear your parents are being unhelpful and putting pressure on you. Sounds like they are from the generation that thinks disabled people should not be in mainstream society. It must be very draining not to have their support.
Have you been in touch with your local city or county council to register for their short breaks service? This will help you access short respite breaks, holiday playschemes etc. Also to ask for a social care assessment which will help you access longer respite to give you a break.

Hi, thanks for your response. We already get short breaks - at the moment she gets 2 night a month. In the holidays I use her DLA to pay for her to go to a brilliant play scheme for children with additional needs. They understand her really well and are confident in their ability to support her.

So it's not the case that she has nowhere to go the whole time but she does need a great deal of supervision because she kicks glass all the time and I live in constant fear that she will break the big glass terrace doors we have (we don't own our home). My parents are always very unsupportive unfortunately and I don't have any brothers or sisters.

The problem is that if people get angry with her, it makes her worse anyway of course. I just feel that if I can get her into a more appropriate school she will be a bit better than she is. But that won't happen if she goes into LA care.

Have you thought about Young Epilepsy as a school? If she went residential whether weekly or termly (actually means she comes home every weekend you want plus half term) on a 38/48/52 week placement - that gives you and the siblings respite, but you can have her home whenever you want, apart from school days)?

It's means you still retain all rights over her. You get dla care for all the days she is at home, plus full dla mobility.

Anomia - thanks for your suggestion. Does this school have experience of supporting children with severe autism?

I am not sure what exactly is the reason for her behaviours - ie, the epilepsy, the autism or something else and I am trying to get her to see a neurologist.

The school that I've been looking at is ASD specific and has both day and residential options. If the school were 100% right for her then I would be happy for her to board though. I just don't want her to move to move in with a family I don't know - that would be horrible.

Oh yes - I'm not sure of the percentage, but there are lots of students with severe autism. The head of psychology is a the former principal psychologist for Essex. He is very experienced; there are also other educational psychologists, clinical psychologists, play therapists and a part time consultant psychiatrist!