Respite/carer advice

[imawigglyworm]

So last year we started down the route of applying for respite/a carer for my DS3. We were extremely lucky and were offered 5 hours a week which we were over the moon with.
DS2 also has minor SN problems too and we don't get any help from family, friends etc. SS thought as a family (me, DH& our 2 older DS's) we could benefit from more time together to whilst DS3 is spending time with someone else.
The whole process has been a nightmare, hitting hurdles at every step from being given the wrong information but after 8 months we finally were set to go.
We found a lovely carer via DS school but she was extremely unreliable and I just couldn't feel completely at ease. But 2 months down the line we decided enough was enough and told her it wasn't working as she had repeatedly let us down.
I've just met with another lady who was interested in the job but I knew whilst chatting she wasn't suitable.
The trouble is Since the start I've been reluctant go down this path as I'm not keen on the thought of having someone else care for my son but at the same time I feel I owe it to my older DS's to give it a try so we can have a few hours together to have fun, help with homework or whatever needed doing.
It's been such a disheartening journey so far... I feel like nobody would be able to care for my son as good as I want them too... Am I just expecting too much from others? Setting my expectations too high? Or is respite just not for some people?
I feel like I'm always finding the bad points and there are very few good points. And I feel like I'm being ungrateful as I know lots of people who have been turned down for respite help with their child.
I feel like no matter which path I go down its not going to please everyone.

Opinions please

Do you get direct payments? I refuse to have them, and ask the LA to arrange care. They use an agency. At least, the agency carers have training and you can find some, who understand DS?

I think the key is to find someone you can communicate well with who is open to being taught the job by you and who gets the seal of approval from your ds. If you start out things as having an extra pair of hands rather than leaving the carer to it immediately then you will all build up a working relationship and it will be easier to trust that things will run smoothly in your absence.

You don't have to settle for anything that makes you unhappy or concerned but you do have to understand that the communication has to be right and there will be a settling in phase.

You can filter the right applicant with tailored interview questions and weed out any poor fits by wording your ad carefully. I advise against ss agency staff because you will have far less control over who is coming into your home and may lose the option to extend hours if yours are changed and you want to pay extra to make the difference etc.

pm if you want help with any of this but remember every sw area can work slightly differently.

Thank you for you replies.
The only problem we have with agency staff is the consistency which my DS would need. SS have pre warned us that they couldn't guarantee they could supply the same carer consistently. Although our SS have provided a lot of incorrect information so far!
We also pay a company to sort tax, ins etc so that's not so much of an issue.

When I've advertised the response has been extremely limited and then they just say what you want to hear... Like the last lady I interviewed, I was clear it would include weekend work but at the interview she said she didn't want weekend work often as she has children herself.
It's just all so disheartening