Just need to get this down somewhere as DH is away and i haven't been able to get this out to anyone else.
I posted a while ago, ASD DS aged 4, due to start school in September. He receives lots of funded one on one time at his amazingly caring preschool. We live out in the sticks, DS was given a place at our local infant school. They have experience with ASD but we have been refused an EHC plan (we applied for this ourselves with the support of the preschool), infant school isnt able to offer any support for him until he shows he needs it i.e. he struggles. Plus they have a large class size. Not an awful option but far from ideal.
DH's parents who live abroad decided they wanted to help and offered to fund private school. Looked at ASD schools but both are for more severely affected children. I found a private mainstream school in a neighbouring village which is quite academic, and i had my reservations, but the headmaster wouldn't stop telling me how inclusive they are, how they have some ASD kids, and some with behavioural issues. We took DS for a day and they 'assessed' him - headmaster said they thought he was fantastic, well behaved, good with his numbers etc. They offered him a place straight away. On many occasions (phone calls, meetings etc) I had explained to the headteacher and reception teacher all about DS, almost trying to highlight the hardest things about him, because I wanted them to know exactly what they were dealing with before a decision was made by us to enrol him. I told them he could be loud, over enthusiastic etc etc. They kept telling me how they could offer him a much better education than the infant school.
DS and I have had many sleepless nights and conversations over the last few months, trying to decide what is best for DS. I have obsessed about this, it was such a huge responsibility. Neither option were perfect but ultimately we decided that the private school, with its tiny class sizes and its claim to know lots about ASD children was the front runner.
I took him in on Monday for another taster day. When I picked him up the head teacher was absent from the meeting - done a bunk perhaps. The reception teacher then sat me down, stony faced, and told me that DS was loud, over excitable, kept shouting hello and older children, and said "Poop" a lot. Basically everything i had told them about, and everything that had told me they could deal with. She didn't say a single positive thing about him, and told me that he didn't know any of his numbers. Eh? He can recite up to 60+ and recognise every number up to 30. She told me he would need a full time TA if he was going to join. But I got the impression she would rather jump ship then teach my DS.
I sat there feeling sick, choking back the tears. I have never heard my son spoken about in such a negative way, yes he has his issues, but he is kind, happy and smart. Not unkind, naughty etc. I am always the first to highlight his faults (as awful as that sounds), this was the first time I have ever had to defend him.
What the hell happened?? I am utterly gobsmacked and very hurt. I am incredible sensitive about anything relating to DS, worry about his future, about how I am hoping with him. I have been completely played by the school. For them its nothing, it didn't even warrant a call from the headmaster which the teacher said would happen this morning. They have moved on already, the situation is so insignificant to them. Why on earth did they do this to us?
They have left me feeling completely gutted for DS, feeling that he is so much further from 'normal' then I had ever thought. All the hours of talking, weighing up our options, it was all for nothing. All the meetings, and worries in the night. DS came home telling me how much fun he had, how much he enjoyed it there, he brought home photos of his day and wants to go back there tomorrow. He isnt good enough for them is he? Thats the most heartbreaking thing. Why did they string us along for so many months when they could have just politely declined.
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Just need to vent, hopefully it will keep me sane
13 replies
tigerpug · 08/07/2015 20:10
OP posts:
PolterGoose ·
09/07/2015 07:35
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