Hi all, thanks for replies.
She hasn't been assessed by EP. She got her dx in January and that's been it! Old school referred to LIST for help when dd fell apart drastically there. So Dd has seen someone from LIST for 3 weeks, they're getting to know dd to see what emotional help she needs. After the 1st meeting the worker said she was shocked by dd as she expected her to be a quivering wreck (as she was at the old school when the referral was made), instead she said she wouldn't have been able to pick dd out of the class as being the child she was there to see, as dd was happy, inconspicuous. She said they played games, dd talked to her and had good eye contact. 
2nd week she could see dd was a bit stressed and wasn't as good as the 1st week (but a lot had happened that morning, my fault, whole other ball game!) 3rd week I've had no feedback yet but dd said she had to say what emotions were on the picture/faces. She said happy and sad for everything 
I think dd doesn't have a specific problem at school - it's just the whole school environment. And I'm not sure the senco understands this fully. She's lovely, very good, but not as good as dd old senco from the previous school. I know it's still VERY early days for dd at the new school though, and they'll take time to get to know her. They've given her a time out card but dd can't bring herself to hand it over to use it. Dd finds the classes/school noisy, but senco says she's been in the classes and they're not unduly noisy. After further talks she says she recognises dd may find 'normal' noise troublesome (but I'm not sure she actually understands). In one lesson dd said boys were throwing pens around the class which disrupted her. Senco said she's spoken to the teacher and classroom assistant and this definitely didn't happen. Dd can tell me the names of the boys involved and which table the pens were thrown to and from. I don't want school to start tit for tat .... I just want help and support for dd.
Yes she's y7 polter ... going into y8 in September, which is where the funding will be used. Senco talked of support in unstructured lessons, mentor on a Monday and meeting with dd at the end of the school day to talk about any problems and reinforce the positives. My concern is that dd struggles to find the right words to tell me, let alone a member of staff. From what you've said I think dd is being offered very similar to your ds. The senco is lovely and wants to help dd, I get the feeling though that because she can't see any problems with dd she doesn't really think there's problems ... I hope I'm wrong.
Can I ask for EP assessment? Also, can I/how do I politely tell senco that dd just does not gel really dislikes the member of staff who often covers lessons due to staff absence etc, when senco highly regards her?
Good luck with HE ineed ... fingers crossed your dd goes from strength to strength.