Battered and Bruised

[mrsforgetful]

O.k....despite posting yesterday the 'positives' of 'being ME'...I now want to withdraw it all as i feel a fraud!

My husband is away on a course- so it's me and the boys.

Last night alex kept getting out of bed- wanting to see daddy (he is the only one who ever misses his dad)and this affected leigh's routine/rituals as my husband usually settles alex if it's a 'bad night' and that means i can stick to leigh's routine- so leigh was stressed - and because he'd had his melatonin he was flat out - yet unable to go to bed till we'd gone through all the usual stuff -eventually they were asleep.

I suppose what hit me was just how much my husband being away 'rocked' alex's boat and also the knock on effect of me not being able to devote the time to leigh that he has come to expect.

this morning continued in the same way.

at 7.30 i had to force myself to wake them up. I ended up supervising/dressing leigh and alex-and then going to school really was awful.

leigh and thomas started discussing playstation stuff- this then turned to argueing due to leigh's 'literal' interpretation of what thomas said....which being true to aspergers was very direct and hurtful.- we had to stop 5 or 6 times to calm the pair down- then i decided to hold leighs hand- he then screamed very loud as he said i was trying to break his fingers.

meanwhile- i am aware that alex is silent- and caught in the crossfire- and given that he is struggling settling at the new school i could do without all this tension on the way to school.

so we get to school and tom goes off- leaving me with leigh and alex- leigh then stated that he could not go to school as he was too angry- so had no choice but to take him in- the TA tried to get him in but after 5 mins we had no luck- so i stated i had to take alex and i walked away...i am dreading what leigh will be like today.

so then i start to walk to alex's class and he is pulling me back- i got him into the building and the TA for his class tried to 'take over' as i was tearful at that point- it's his 7th day at this school and i hoped he'd be beginning to 'improve' on how he settles- it's getting worse and i'm sure the stresses walking to school don't help- as this makes us late and alex has always found going into a full 'settled' class difficult- he's better if he's one of the first to arrive .

obviously having 2 ASD boys i am 'reading into' alex's behaviour and i need some un-biased help.

I've never had 'clingyness' from the other 2 so this is all new. 'IF' he's simply a 'NT' 4 year old boy - then what can i do to ease this separation anxiety?

And TEACHERS....can you tell the difference from 'normal changing schools anxiety' that any child would feel- to maybe that of a ASD child who is totally out of routine and in a strange environment etc????

How i feel at the moment is that i want someone else to take them to school and then tell me what happens.

Poor you. {{Mrs Forgetful{}}}

Alex saw Leigh behaving in a similar way and from what you say here it would appear that he is copying the behaviour?

I think you definitely need help in the mornings while the boys are settling into their new school. Is there anyone who could help you? Even if you needed to pay for 1 hours help? Could you call Homestart? A friend/ relative?

I really admire you trying to settle all three on your own. I know I couldn't do it. Each child is going to be struggling in his own way. BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.

Take care.
Rebi

Hi Mrsforgetful. I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear what happened this morning and my heart goes out to you.

My childminder usually takes my ds (AS/ADHD) to school as I work, and he waltzes in without a care, but I took him this morning and he spent 10 minutes hugging me and having "one last kiss". If I take him (not very often) he clings to my legs and says he doesn't want to go to school and emplores me to let him stay with me. It really is quite heartbreaking to have him ripped away by the TA or the teacher and I feel bad about it all day.

My ds's school "said" they would do a photo-story board to show him what order things had to be done in the morning, but it never materialised. I suggested that I settle my ds in a side class and read with him until after the register was called, which worked for a while, but then the ditzy assistant would be late collecting him and rush him through some work and that would unsettle him again...then I would be called into school yet again.

Is it possible for someone else to take your ds's to school and see how it goes? Alternatively if this doesn't work, could you arrange a drop off point within the school so that they can be "settled" outside of the classroom and then be the first in? (this means an even earlier morning for you all!). The routine may have a calming and settling effect and maybe make them feel more special? I don't know. When done properly, it worked with my ds.

I love taking my ds to school, but have to think very carefully about it as it ends in tears - either his or mine. I don't know if I am helping really...!