sad for my boys.

[Violet22]

Sorry relatively new to this , just feeling down right now. I have two very lovely boys. DS1(5) has had speech therapy since 2/ 1/2, has co-ordination difficulties struggling at school, tested for asd but no diagnosis. DS2 is 3 and I also have concerns about his development (will post another time.)

Just feel down about this. Helpful people keep telling me I should love my child whatever but I do love them of course I do, but it.s because I love them that I'm sad for them, I don't want them to have any of these issues or struggles. I'm just worrying constantly about them. I just manage to convince myself that it's ok, then I get a new report listing more things he's struggling with, or I spend time with other children his age and see the difference then I get sad again.

I need to be able to stop beong sad so I can help them, but I am struggling to get my head around exactly what I need to do. I.ve been told I need to push for more help but I'm not sure who I'm supposed to pull sh

(Sorry managed to post before I'd finished.)
Not sure who I.m supposed to push, I don.t really seem to get anywhere, am not an assertive person. And I've been too busy worrying about DS1 that I haven't really done anything about getting help for DS2.

Please tell me this gets easier and the sadness stops. I need to be able to enjoy my boys, they're growing up so quickly. Thanks for reading this.

Sorry you're feeling this way
I'm not assertive either and kept getting passed from pillar to post. It took until age 11 to get my dd dx with asd. I eventually got so fed up with being fobbed off, I rang the school nurse. She was fantastic! She came to the house to talk about my concerns and she referred dd from there. She kept up to date with things, chasing everything up until we got our appointments through. You could maybe try that?

I didn't used to be a assertive person, that's all changed now. Two of my boys have sen, I still would take it away in a flash if I could, time makes me realise I can't. So it gets me down still but mostly we're happy now. Acceptance has to come before happyness I think. Once you really get your head around it it becomes the new normal then it's easier to enjoy the moment.

I'd tell you to pick your battles. Only focus on pushing a few targeted people for help. You can't get everyone to listen to focus on who will.

Are you boys under a peadiatrition?

We live in a bubble and life is OK. It is hard at times but there are some amazing bits too. What works for us is 1-2-1, direct therapy, and working around what my boys need. Yes, that is often out of sync with other people so, by and large, I don't compare - it is easier. I explain and if people don't respond, I never go back. We often leave cafes because of DS2's sensory issues. 11 years in, we finally had one good haircut. The milestones come at a different time but they do come. And you will be a more tolerant human being and never, ever have to worry about being smug.

Oohhh, I stayed away from other children until I truly had my head wrapped around DS DX.

I had a horrid horrid birthday party where DS dug in dirt with a stick for 3 hours, while the other kids bounced on the trampoline and ate yummy BBQ food, it was awful.

But, with acceptance of the DX the sadness does stop. Eventually. I understand the need to stick to your bubble, but I think you will be fine. Honest. X

Thanks for replies. Feeling a bit better tonight. Boys played so beautifully with each other this afternoon, it was lovely to watch. Need to stop comparing with others. DS1 is under paediatrician, she saw him at his assessment but didn't diagnose, will review him in 6 months. Have got a health visitor coming to look at DS2 next week.