This is quite an individual preference in my experience and I know both sets of Parents of children in mainstream and special. I think it can be a hard choice to make when are children are starting out in education and many of us choose mainstream with a hope that the school will adjust to meet our disabled child's needs.
My daughter is now 15, she has Down Syndrome, ASD, ADHD, Sensory processing disorder and severe learning disability.
She attended mainstream nursery initially and that's when I was informed about getting a statement for her for her transition in to primary school.
At this stage I only had the diagnosis of Downs, to begin with and I measured her development with other children with Downs in our area. I had no other experience or tools to use at the time so I was learning every day.
I joined up with our local Downs group and also our local Parent & Carer Forum, so that I could learn more and especially learn as much as I could about the whole SEN system. Having had two older children who went through mainstream, this was all new to me.
My son, who is now 30 has ADHD but 30 years ago, it still wasn't recognised or even accepted, especially with in education and sadly he had no help or support until the last few years.
I chose the primary school that my other two older children had gone to and I thought that knowing the Head and Staff would help. My Daughter received a statement that stipulated one to one support and access to SALT.
It would take pages for me to talk about her whole education experience to date but I will try and be brief.
She started in the reception class, age 4 but her support was erratic with no consistency of staff and that caused problems for her as the transition to 'big' school was quite traumatic for her, and was made worse with all the different people, supporting her. After a couple of weeks, the Head called me in and asked if they could keep her behind 1 year and put her back in the nursery, with a full time place. I didn't have much knowledge of the SEN system then, and I presumed that they knew what they were doing!!!
She left her peer group and went back in to nursery.
What followed was a troubled few years until she got in to the Junior part of the school. She wasn't permitted to go on school trips owing to her 'challenging behaviour' and she was always taken to the nursery to stay when her class went out!! She has personal care needs with difficult IBS and she was made to feel that she was a nuisance, with her needs etc.
She was put in a corner, facing the wall because they said she was disruptive to the other children. They wouldn't even let her take part in learning French because they said that the lesson would go over her head! Although at home she would sit and talk Spanish with Dora the Explora !!! I went on so many courses and learned so much about SEN, Downs, ASD, ADHD and I became a Governor to try and influence their curriculum strategies etc. I trained in Person Centered Planning and I made so many visual learning, social stories etc. But the school could still not meet her needs.
I went to pick her up one day and I will remember this picture in my mind forever. She was sitting in the playground with her head leaning on her hands, crying and all the other children were playing with each other looking happy. I stopped in my tracks and cried, and decided then that she would have to come out of the school. Many other things happened but I would need hours to tell you!!
I went to look at a special primary school in our area and yet again I cried but with tears of joy.... classes with only 8 or 10 children in, every child included in every activity, staff that understood the children's individual needs without making the child feel that there was something wrong with them, or chastising them for communicating their needs through different behaviours. I was so relieved that I had found a place where my daughter would not only fit in, but would flourish with the correct support. I was only sad because she hadn't been there since age 4.
There were tears all round when the time came to leave that school and I chose a special senior school for her. Bear in mind all these transitions both big and small were traumatic for her!
To cut a long story short, I'd chosen a school that was too academic for her, a school that had mainly taken children with PMLD needs, who did not usually present ongoing challenging behaviour!
I ended up home schooling her for 1 year and then I found another special school, where she is now and they totally 'get her' and recognise her needs within, Downs, ASD, ADHD, SPD and her learning difficulties.
She is still statemented but I am in the process of going through assessment for a continuing care plan, and that will take the shape of the EHC plan, with screening from, Health, social and education, mind you it's my impression that the funding will come from social and maybe health input.
From my experience, age seems to play a part and at the different stages of education, from nursery through to reception then infants and up to juniors, the development gaps with her peers were becoming greater at each stage and going in to juniors I really noticed the difference.
Now at 15, she loves 1D etc but she's currently watching 'Caillou' on the TV!
Kind of like a 5 year old in a teenage body with a teenage attitude too lol.
Good luck with your choices etc, arm yourself with SEN knowledge so that you can TELL the school, especially mainstream, what their obligations are to meet your child's needs, and how they can help their staff with extra training. Find out if your local authority has any special training days re SEN, ADS, SPD, etc and go to your local Parent & Carer Forum, or Parent Partnership and ask about training for the EHC plan etc..
AS Parents we all need to support each other and share as much info as possible and keep ourselves well informed so that we can tell schools what they should be providing for our kids.
Good luck x 