So do you have feelings of envy/resentment/grief when you see families...

[emkana]

... that don't have a SN child?

At dd's school there's an enormous amount of mums who had babies in May/June/July, so at the same time that ds was born.

This means that every day I have the comparison right in front of me of what these babies are like/can do, and what ds is like/can do.

While the differences are that big atm, the gap will widen as he gets older.

I'm not sure how I feel when I see these other babies. Tbh my feelings differ from day to day - sometimes there are feelings of grief, but otoh there are days when I feel the luckiest woman because my baby is the most beautiful of the lot.

It's a very mixed bag, a whole rollercoaster of emotions.

Hi emkana i can understand how your feeling. Tbh i feel terrible when people i know in rl have babies. Its a mixture of jealousy and resentment and also happy for them at the same time, its hard to control our inner feelings. I also find it hard to see kids the same age as my son talking and playing and just doing everyday things. Its getting a bit easier as the months go on but i do keep my opinions to myself my dh or mumsnet! I love my children to bits but i am always looking for answers as to what caused my sons autism and i dont think im ever going to find the answer.

Normal feelings emkana. For me it's seeing families of 3 boys sitting round a restaurant table interacting, as its something I can't imagine we'll ever do. It can hit me right in the stomach, and it actually ruins the times when we go out with ds2 and ds3 to a restaurant.

Silly really, most other things I'm kind of OK with now (although I've also learned to avoid situaitons that will depress me for a week afterwards).

But then I ring my friend who would have had 3 boys, but her middle son diied and I feel very grateful, but awful for her. And I feel how much worse for her seeing that same thing must be. We did talk aboout it- and I know it kills her too-- only it must be much worse.

Like you said- a real mixed bag.

It is hard, emkana, and so natural to compare even though we know it isn't helpful. May sound strange but I've almost found it easier now that the gap has widened .......or is it that I'm better at coping? But every now and again it can really hit home again. A rollercoaster is a good description.

HI,

I can totally understand your feelings here. on days, I have so much anger and resentment in me i feel like Im going to burst- but I think its normal....it part of what you have to go through I think.

My bf has a lo who is 4 months younger and I cannot see him as it upsets me so much Im hoping that over time it will get easier but not right now! why put myself in situations that are just too much too bear!

Your certainly not alone in how you feel X

The worst thing for me is when children DS2's age or younger come round and immediately start playing with DS1. It just makes me realise what DS1 is missing on a day to day level. But I do agree that it's a roller coaster - DS2 is so easy compared to some of my friends' NT children!

Hugs Em.

i find it harder in the summer too. Dd tires really easily and seeing children her age on the go all day when she's flopped on the sofa makes me sad.

Tbh it breaks my heart. I love ds2 so much but i feel for the struggle he will have to face for the rest of his life and it makes me so sad. I love him and wouldn't want to change him but I would like a glimpse of what he would have been like if he was nt - probably because i am nosey lol - but he wouldn't be my little boy if that was the case.