Today i realised, i hate DS mixing with other kids :(

[Fattymumma]

its really upset me.

basicly we went shopping and he was looking at some of the toys on the shelves when some other children went over and was looking at the toys also, as soon as i saw the other kids i called for him to come back to the trolley and when he didn't ( he seems to have selective hearing, and if he is concentrating on something he just wont hear me) so i went over and took him by the hand and steered him away.

there was no real reason for it, the kids hadn't said anything but it just hit me thati don't like him near kids i don't know.

it has really hit me hard that maybe i am the reason he isn't any better with social intergration, that my own fears of how he will behave or how the other children will behave towards him have meant that i deliberatly shy away from occasions when he maybe could mix with other children.

i do definatly avoid anywhere i know there will be lots of children running freely.
the thing is, am i wrong?

when he mixes with other children either he doesn't know what to do and gets over excited, boisterous and hurts them, gets silly and repeats nasty words he has heard (he has SPD so repeats things in teh context he hears them....when kids bulley him he then calls those names to others in the same manner they were used on him ) or just reverts to his defense mechanism of acting like a dog/dinosaur.

the alternative is that the other children realise pretty soon that he is different ( why is it kids can tell almost immediatly but adults need it spelt out to them??) and start to goad him to get a readction so that they can laugh at him, or they just tell him he is stupid and call him names...not that he realises but still, it is heartbreaking to watch.

am i the only one that feels this? am i over reacting or over thinking the situation or is this normal?

I have a ds who because of his ethnicity does not always get treated nice or welcomed by other kids , I know how you feel though, it has got to the stage where I dont want any other kids near him either in case they call him something and we end up with a scene, starting to dislike other kids. not the same situation but I can see where you are coming from, you want to protect him. we are meant to protect our children. I only wish in the area where we have been housed, that I had never let him play out and interact as the damage it has done to his self esteem and self image has been appalling and I could ahve avoided it by keeping him in. dont think you are overreacting

didn't want your post to go unanswered FattyMumma - I can only imagine the hurt you feel on your sons behalf and can only think your protective behaviour is completely instinctive. {{{Hugs}}}

Hi Fattymamma. I can totally relate to what you are saying. The reason he can't integrate properly is not you its the ASD. Lets face it they get plenty of opportunity to integrate at school with their peers.

Whilst I am am pleased that ds still gets invited to the odd party, I dread how he will behave and try and hang around to monitor things. To an outsider it seems overprotective but it is just reacting to a real problem. My ds behaves strangely with kids he has just met as well. Sorry I don't have any solutions but PLEASE don't blame yourself. You are doing a fantastic job and our kids need protecting in a way others don't.

thank you. your responses are just what i needed.

i think i knew deep down that my reaction was a result of his problems and not the other way round but i just neede that reasurance.

it was teh first time i realy thought of it, that it had actually occured to me that i tried to keep him away from other kids.