4 yr old with aspergers *help*

[luckylady74]

new to all this! ds1 just diagnosed - all fine at pre school but home dire - protest/attention seeking wees and fingers up bottom and then mouth! he's lost interest in cars, trains and tv, main interest winding dh up! violent tantrums over not being allowed to do things. his world is reducing - he's decided to stop outings with grandparents and ours are confined to one park. protests in awful ways over anything else. really getting parents and twin 2 yr old sibs down. help!

wanted to add now that i've got the hang of this that ds1 is talkative but confused grammatically,doesn't talk to peers, has limited play and social understanding. I tried usual behavior stuff like time out b4 dx and have been at a loss since his behaviour seems to be spiralling. i just don't know how to find a balance sometimes i humour the obsessions sometimies i try to limit them {eg 10th drink in 5 minutes}. what do i do when he annonces he's pooing his pants in the car because he doesn't want to go to anywhere but that park or hits strangers because he doesn't want to come home. I love him and i'm sad i'm looking forward to him goion to school so that i won't have to deal with as much of this.Anyone out there?

Do you get any help at all with him? Or have you just been left to get on with things by yourself, as some families sadly do?

Have you been told about the portage service? This is where a portage worker comes to visit you at home to offer practical help and advice about your ds1. You can contact them yourself but I'm not sure what the waiting list would be like in your area.

I have 2 boys with AS/ASD. Ds1 is 6yrs old and ds2 is 3yrs old.

Welcome to mumsnet and the SN board.

Would also suggest you contact the NAS (National Autistic Society) if you have not already done so.

With regards to school I would strongly urge you to apply for a Statement of special needs asap from your local education authority for your son. You can do this, you do not need anyone to apply for it for you. With such a document he will be supported more in school, without this he will be treated exactly the same as everyone else. With extra support in school hopefully his school life will be a bit easier and that will help you as well.

IPSEA are very good and their website has model letters you can use.

www.ipsea.org.uk

Nothing to add, I have similar circumstances and all requests of help made to the health professionals fall on deaf ears. The ladies on this site are a wonderful source of support and information. You are in good hands lol.

thank you for all messages - coppertop - he gets help at preschool 3 hrs a week and that was through the inclusion srevice who assessed him at home and filled in a portage form - but advice wasn't part of it will ring them back and ask for some. i asked his paed and he said help on home stuff was only available if the child was in danger of being taken into care. atilla - thanks i will look into statement staight away -tried to go on a nas course on behavior other week but he weed on and kicked grandparents so had to come home! - will try in new year when he goes to school. thanks aaronsmummy have found this very emotional, but that's nothing new!

Help is only available if you're child is in danger of being taken into care?? Whoever came up with that policy should be shot!

Both my ds1 and ds2 have had a lot of help with home issues. It's awful that you and your ds are being deprived of this.

Have you been told anything about visual timetables? They really helped us when ds1 and ds2 would only go to certain places. Social stories have also helped with some of the behaviours. Ds1 and ds2 were both around 3.5yrs old when they had their first one so it's possible that they might help with your ds too.

I think Jimjams had a thread a while ago about deliberate weeing. It might not be the exactly the same as for your ds but there might be some ideas in the thread that could help. I'll have a look for it.

B*gger! I can't find it.

Do you have any ideas why your ds only wants to go to just the park? If it's because he likes the routine and the certainty that goes with it then the visual timetables could be a big help. Maybe build it up slowly so that you go somewhere else first very quickly (showing him the symbol/picture befoorehand) and then to the park. Once he gets used to the idea that you will stick to what's on the timetable he may be less distressed about going to different places.

If it's because of sensory difficulties (eg fluorescent lighting in supermarket hurting his eyes, too many people, too much noise etc) then you may have to deal with those separately. Sunglasses to reduce the effects of the lights and flickering, a hat or ear defenders over the ears to muffle the noise etc.

Hi. My aspie is now 11 and is rather a splendid fellow although he does drive me up the wall ocassionally. It does get better. I refused to let him be too ridgid although it is tough when they then have a screaming temper tantrum for HOURS because you haven't done what they wanted but people will accept a child having a paddy at a young age (even though its ghastly). How much speech does he have? Two big recommendations. 1. take him to a cranial osteopath - it really worked for my chap. 2. Get some speech therapy. Even though to you he might be quite fluent they are usually impaired in expressive language and have semantic/pragmatic S&L difficulties. The preschool should have a SENCO who should be able to contact the S&L services. If they mention the autism word they tend to be fairly quick. If it takes time then if you can afford it (£500 a go) get him privately assessed with recommendations on what therapy he needs AND MAKE SURE YOU GET THIS PUT ON PART 3 OF THE STATEMENT. It is most important that you get the statement right. The council will fight you and will try not to give your son a statement by saying that they put the funds into the schools. Do not be fobbed off with this. It means they do not have to directly fund your son and the quality of his education solely rests on what is in the statement. Suggest you get in touch with a fantastic organisation called SOS!SEN (they have a web site - type this into a search engine) Also read a book called 'How to be a Velvet Buldozer' Surviving the special educational needs system by Sandy Row. She has 4 autistic children. You are within your rights to take your county to SEN Tribunal (SENDIST - they have a website). It is hell but worth it and I have just won on my own (it is not necessary to pay for a solicitor) and you sound like you have a pretty good case. You say he is going to school. What is the SENCO like? contact her now, get her/him to observe your child at preschool and have things ready for him before he starts (he may need maketon signs, support, a workstation).

Its a long road this aspie business but you meet some fab people and I know lots of aspies who are nothing like as bad now they are older than when they were little - it really does improve

best of luck

thank you all - coppertop -will make a timetable tonight as they use one with him at preschool, don't know why i didn't think of it before. flyingmum - hope for the future is the thing i need - i have written this all down and feel more optimistic.