Meltdowns - rumbling

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

I've only recently discovered there's a common pattern to meltdowns and a name for the behaviour leading up to one - rumbling (some info here

DS gets very hyper or agressive before a meltdown, his ears and cheeks go red and he gets argumentative/antagonistic and growls. If I engage in conversation with DS at all during his rumbling stage I seem to make things worse. What he needs is time alone to calm himself by rocking or sitting somewhere with no sensory stimuli and sometimes we can prevent a meltdown, sometimes it just puts it off until later. If we are somewhere with nowhere for him to calm down or its reached a certain point there's nothing we can do but keep everybody safe and wait for it to burn itself out.

Does anyone else's child show particular signs when things are getting too much? what symptoms do they display and what do you do to try and head it off? does it work?

imortant to remaiun calm... uh huh... yes. if you don't it can go spectacularly wrong.

I can definitely identify with this with Dd3 she is rumbling at the moment and needs some timeout. She is snappy and growly and has a very short fuse.

We are away with friends who have 2 auty girls so its quite tricky to get her the space that she needs but its fine because they get it and we will getnout into a big space soon and her headphones are really helping.

Hang on to your hats everyone!

So reassuring to hear other kids do the same...and so nice to have a name for it; I've been calling it pre-meltdown but rumbling is so much more apt.

polter we use a 5 point scale, I brought it in after a big public meltdown/bolt as it was obviously traumatic for him. It's been so nice to give him some control and he'll occasionally come and tell me he's a 3 or 4 and needs some time on his own. trying to talk about actual feelings as well though as DD often tells me she's 'feeling a number 2' when she's actually sad or cross lol
Do you need a diagnosis/referral for the alert program and is it designed for a particular age? I'm really interested in teaching my children to know and listen to their own bodies, it would probably benefit me too having never had that kind of thing growing up

we've also been using social stories lately and have written one together. I'm trying to put together a toolbox of resources and plans of action to help us manage life/DS and for him to manage himself wherever possible too.

It's hard because we have no diagnosis and nobody seems to believe things are as bad as they are at times. I feel like we're just muddling along sometimes and occasionally things seem totally 'normal' and I wonder if I've imagined it all; then stresses mount up and all the behaviours start creeping out and before we know it we're stuck without a plan.

Susan you're right about staying calm yourself but it really takes some work sometimes. A lot of the rumbling seems to push all my buttons and because I suffer with anxiety too (I suspect I am also on the spectrum) I am often tripped a bit into panic, have to really work on self talk to stay calm and just do what needs to be done

patience if you dont mind my asking how old is your DD? do you ever feel bad leaving her to have timeout on her own? I always said I wouldn't leave my children to sort their feelings out on their own and I feel so guilty doing it sometimes but it really is the only thing that works (especially if I don't want to get hurt/have the house trashed) I find myself parenting so differently sometimes to how I imagined because of how DS is. Is your DD listening to music on her headphones or do they just block out noise?

She is 12 nice and no I dont feel guilty about giving her space, its what she needs! We cant talk about her feelimgs when she is stressed, it just all gets too complicated because she hasnt got space in her head to think about what is causing her to feel stressed, she just feels stressed.

She does listen to music a lot especially at the moment, it is a good way for her to step back and regulate herself.

I realised earlier that she hadnt had any lunch and once that was sorted she returned to her usual holiday state of mind!! Terrible parent I am

oh yes, calm. just don't ask how I know it will go spectacularly wrong oh no pmt

Thanks all. I think DS is probably a bit young for the program then but I have been looking at stuff online along the lines of 'how's your engine running?' so perhaps we can put something together at home.

you're absolutely right. DS is just the same when stressed. If it's what our children need we should feel confident in giving it to them. I've still got so much to learn

Hi I recognise the "rumbling" stage too (although often my DS just "snaps" and melts down with zero warning).

Signs are similar to others' experience: hyper, usually crawling round house on hands and knees or crab-crawling, and lots of squawking and bleating noises; headbutting (sort-of-gently/semi-affectionately but semi-aggressively, like an animal asking for attention!) and twining himself round legs. Lots of animal-like behaviours, in fact!

We (and school) have also done lots of 5-point-scale stuff with him; recently he's taken to referring to a "9 inch" scale of "trickiness" and telling us he is eg "4 and a half inches tricky" - which I'm completely chuffed about (the recognition and ability to express himself I mean).

Calming stuff at that point would usually revolve around proprioceptive input - eg tight squeeze, hand-pushing, etc. Also getting away from noise, crowds etc if applicable, to somewhere calm and quiet. Also an emergency snack!

Ooh, interesting that it has a name. We call it fizzing or simmering, as DS1 is incredibly agitated and impulsive in the build up to a rage.

And yes - DS1 does a lot of rubbing his head on the floor and standing on his head when he's fizzing. Sometimes it doesn't resolve after the initial explosion and he'll follow me around, shoving his feet in my side or dropping things on my feet. Very intimidating and very difficult to remain calm, particularly when I'm hoping against hope that he doesn't turn his focus onto his brother.

Even if he does recognise the emotions involved, he refuses to acknowledge them, even when calm - unless he's booorrrrrred. Scaling is absolutely impossible and he can't even play along with analogies.

ouryve do you think your DS is 'pushing' you to say or do something to tip him into meltdown? I don't know if I'm making sense but DS does stuff like this too (and also the same as yours sometimes looks like the meltdown has run its course when it hasn't - last week we had a morning where he was stop - starting for hours that was a new experience) - it's almost like he needs a meltdown so will push my buttons until I shout or reach the 'last straw' with him and then seems to feel better once he's been able to let it out.

basically I'm trying to get an idea of what rumbling really looks like in my DC and help others do the same. I want to be able to try and give him the space/retreat/sensory input he needs before he hits meltdown

does anybody else feel like micromanaging schedules, pre-empting anxieties, avoiding sensory overload, calming panic etc for their child is a full time job?! Sorry if I'm stating the obvious; feel so alone in RL with all this

I'd say yes and yes to those 2 questions, nicecup!

Oh, yes, he's definitely looking for a reaction. Partly because he's cottoned onto my refusal to engage when he can't respond appropriately - he tries even harder for a response. And partly because if imposing himself on me in some way gets me rattled, he feels justified in being angry and blaming me for it. Also, he sees me as the one who is supposed to make everything better, so when everything is wrong, I'm clearly not trying hard enough.

A new thing the other day, was to insist that I treated DS2 better than him. DS2 was being perfectly lovely and not even biting back at DS1's jibes