Anxious about the future for my boy

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I feel so worried about the future for my 4 year old boy.
Although he is not diagnosed, we do suspect he has high functioning ASD.

A bit of background:
He was a very high needs baby who never slept, moved late but spoke very early.
He stayed at home with me until 3, when he started preschool. He loved preschool but he made no friends and much preferred to do his own thing.
He started school in September and although he is very advanced in his reading and other subjects, socially, things are not so good.

He plays on his own most of the time at break and when he does play with others he tends to think they are being mean in some way. (For example, he came home and said: "They were kicking the ball at me and it was very rude".) It turned out he was in goal... we laughed after but it's happening all the time.
He did have a friend and has had a few play dates which were fine but as soon as he is in a group of people he withdraws.
Recently he has said the boy isn't his friend any more and they've told him he can't be in their club It seems he's back to being on his own. I'm worried he won't be able to keep friends.

Along with our social worries he is constantly hurting his 1 year old brother. It's like a sudden build up of energy which comes out as hits, kicks, pushing or squeezing. They can be playing perfectly fine together and he will just do it out of nowhere.

We've just enrolled him at a martial arts class to hopefully help with the social side and energy but we are not sure what else we can do.

Sorry for rambling on, I'm not even sure what I'm asking but I guess any advice or tips would be great.

Thanks

Bumping for you. I do have DS with AS. Have you spoken to his teachers? Have they suggested referring him to CAMHS?

Start keeping a record of things you notice about him. It can be invaluable.

Hello
My boy ( who is nearly a man now at almost 18) was a lot like yours at that age...it made me smile to read your post
He was also a difficult baby.. But a v early talker ( 6 months first word.. Complete perfect sentences at 13 months)
The sudden energy outpouring made sense to me too.. He did that up until he was about 5. Does he like soft toys? We had a lot of success with redirecting the rough play onto soft toys.
I can also recommend a trampoline for surplus energy
My manboy was dx with Aspergers/ high functioning autism at 10 yo.. But we knew he had asd for sure from about 5yo.
I always try to not to think too far ahead .. That way lies madness and much worry as far as I am concerned.
I know this -I wish I could go back to myself at my darkest moments and show me him now. So I take comfort that in 10 years time maybe I will feel the same again
He will ok- your boy
Good luck .. This board is v good for hints and tips

Sounds quite like my 5 yr old DS who was recently diagnosed with Hugh functioning autism

He sometimes misinterprets the behaviour of other children. He was telling me certain children are evil or his enemies. He would say they are trying to attack him or they are bullies.

His teacher realised that he was scared when the others were playing chasing - he actually thought they were attacking him and he would lash out to defend himself. Initially I thought he was just being too rough in the yard - but when the teacher asked the others to stop chasing him then the rough behaviour largely stopped.

Now the children who were his enemies have transformed into nice people in his eyes - but he still prefers to do his own thing a lot which really worries me.

He says he likes being alone - but he also seems to like the other children . His social skills are not great - and he doesn't interact as well as the others.

Does your DS behave well in school? DS is generally well behaved but he has motor problems due to the ASD and he gets frustrated at times because he finds sport or writing difficult.

My DS also has a little brother which I am so thankful for as they get on so well - DS interacts so well with him - they are currently having a bath - half fighting - half laughing - and chatting non-stop.

I feel quite depressed at the moment because we only got the diagnosis.

trout I wish I had a crystal ball and could see if things will work out kind of ok for DS. I worry about him making any friends - or paying attention in school - or getting a job - or meeting someone to settle down with if that's what he wants - or struggling with sports in school and other boys laughing at him

So many worries!

I would really recommend keeping a diary of his behaviour for two reasons, one it will help you identify triggers to his more challenging behaviours (what happened immediately before) and two it will be invaluable if and when you decidei to pursue a diagnosis.

You don't need to involve school particularly, you can go to your go and ask to be referred. Again a diary of behaviour will help there. I would talk to school if I were you but be warned they may not have spotted anything because the range of behaviour is quite wide in five year olds and because children can behave quite diff entry in school. So if they don't, I would still trust you r instincts and not be put off

It does get easier, this is the hardest part I think

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.
I have started making a diary of things so hopefully that will help.

Marvel101- He behaves very well in school and is academically very bright so they don't see much of an issue. As soon as he gets out of the gates though he has a meltdown. I think he holds it all in and then it all comes bursting out when he is in a more relaxed setting. It's not usually a nice time at home between then and bed!!

troutsprout Thank you, made me a little teary reading you saying my boy will be ok. You have given me hope! It's just so hard seeing him so anxious, I wish I could take it all away.

That's good he behaves in school - one less thing to worry about

In relation to lashing out at his brother - an OT gave DS a 'toolbox' which are pictures of things he can do to calm down if he's feeling annoyed. He can do slow deep breaths or count to 10 - or go for a run - or talk to someone. This sometimes works - but in the heat of the moment he isn't always willing to try them.

I've also tried a chart with happy faces for good behaviour and sad faces for bad behaviour. If there are more sad faces then DS loses the treat he's been working towards. Sometimes all it takes is for me to threaten to put a sad face on the chart and DS will stop whatever he's up to. I also put a notes beside the happy and sad faces to say why he got them so we can talk about the good behaviour and not so good behaviour at the end of the day. The happy faces are good as it means he's being praised lots for good behaviour instead of just being given out to whenever he slips up.

We've been referred for social skill groups - not sure how much they can really help him - not expecting them to work miracles.

I'm trying to teach DS social skills myself. So we got some board games and he has to tell me when it's my turn etc. At the start he would fly in to a fury if I beat him in a game but I've trained him now to say - 'well done'. He brought the game in to school one day and played it with another boy and even though he lost he says he didn't react badly - just congratulated the other boy - progress

I was also thinking about martial arts. Also scouts might be good - especially for my DS who hates sport.