For Jimjams - a thread of thanks and appreciation - making friends with an autistic child

[lisalisa]

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Bossy, chatty, determined little girls are absolutely brilliant for odd little boys on the spectrum, and I speak as the mother of one of those odd little boys!

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DS2 has this as well at both his m/s nurseries - mother hen little girls who pursue him and won't give up until he's responded! It's just what he needs - many people (adults and children) leave him alone because they don't want to put pressure on him, and that's understandable and sensitive of them, but in fact those who gently persist get much more out of him in the end.

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yeah Ds2 had a friend at school who used to order him about and mother him and he loved it .

that is so lovely.

if only your DD could move to Ds's school

It was a little girl at ds2's pre-school who first got him talking to other children. Ds2 now has his own little group of friends.

In Reception and Yr1 there was a boy who the teacher described as a Mother Hen type who looked after him. I remember fighting back the tears at the last parents evening of Reception when the teacher told me how this little boy had looked after ds1 and helped to calm him down when they spent a day in their Yr1 classroom.

Sometimes our little boys want friends but don't know how to make them. They find all the unspoken stuff - the body language, the shared obsessions (Dr Who etc) and the rough and tumble absolutely incomprehensible. A really nice, bossy, chatty, determined (and compassionate) little girl can cut through all that, she doesn't rely on unspoken rules or body language, she tells them what to do, tells them kindly but firmly how to play and won't take no (ie 'I'm terrified and lost and don't understand') for an answer. Sadly my ds's friend like this recently moved to the other end of the country

Tbh, this is what I'm worried DS2 will lose when he goes to special school in Sept (as seems likely). I think special ed is right for him in every other way, but I worry that he'll lose the contact with sociable persistent NT children, especially if he's in an ASD-specific class.

I always descirbe my Ds as living inside a glass ball. he watches teh other kids playng and desperatly wants t join in but he can't get through the glass ball.

it would be so lovely for him to have a friend who would open the door for him.

Thanks lisalisa. I'm really touched by this thread.

DS1 had a little girl like that at nursery (actually he had 2 at nursery), and one of the little girls was in his reception class as well. She was the only one who ever invited him to a party. She was lovely, a very special little girl.

Wow.

that ahd me inn tears

Sam attracts bosy little girls too, unfortunately he doesn't tolerate them much (they don't do as they're told) but at least people are trying to interact with him.

lisalisa, thank you.

Sphil

Ds2's mother hen was actually in his special needs class. I don't know what her SN were but they must have been reasonably severe because she moved on to a special school. However she was very talkative and sociable and mothered him nonetheless. Will your Ds2 likely go to a school specifically for autistic children? Otherwise there will presumably be other children there who are quite sociable and have other types of special needs.

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Thanks tobysmum and saker- that's very reassuring. The schools we're looking at for DS2 are not asd specific and also have a lot of liaison with local m/s primaries (one is actually co-located with a m/s primary) so he should still get the social persistance from somewhere!

I have nothing appropriate to say but just couldn't read this thread without a wide

thank you LisaLisa for taking the time to post and thank you JimJams and all other parents who post so eloquently about their wonderful children

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What a lovely post Lisa

Your DD sounds a very special little girl and her new friend sounds a very special little boy - so happy they have found each other. I hope they continue to enrich each other's lives.

And Jimjams is of course, very special - although she tries hard to pretend she is not

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