I know it's time to go...BUT

[Lesley25]

Ds 6 has asd and add.
We've moved from one ms primary to another almost a yearago.
Ta brilliant when we first started and specifically recruited for him. She's now very ingrained into school and I can understand how she probably doesn't what to spend every waking minute glued to his side.
I think Shes dipping her feet in with the other kids and relishing how much they give back in an nt way that my ds couldn't do.

The problems is now my ds is increasingly frustrated and lashing out- mainly because he is severely speech delayed and can't say why he's cross. But he's cross and lashes out a lot.
He loves his ta though.

But even though the school have been supportive, I think it's time for my ds to go to a ss that I'm fighting for.
BUT
He has happy days too. I'm terrified of his mental health and increasing anxiety if we stay at Ms but then I'm terrified of him going somewhere new and leaving his beloved ta and his anxieties.

Truth is though I think Ms whilst supporting him, are more or less just babysitting him.
I'm right to think we should move ds? Right? Ss will start plans to help him read and write and do more...
I'm seeing the school and ot tomorrow to talk about strategies to help his anger bursts but how can I say " are we doing any actual work" with my ds? Besides hearing the response from the ta- ds just didn't want to.

I should also say we are on p levels, ds is on p level 7

Do it. My DS was babysat for 18 months in ms. He loved his TA who was pretty much glued to him and they had a real soft spot for each other. They had worked together since year 1, however DS wasn't producing any work and hadn't progressed academically from year 2 until he left at the end of year 4.
Within 1 term in ss he had moved from level 2 to level 4 in some areas. I really thought he wouldn't cope with the move as he hates change but he has coped well and absolutely loves his new school. He has new keyworker who he is very attached to and hasn't even mentioned his old TA. I felt awful as his old TA wasn't kept on when DS left but i had to do what was best for DS. His ms school were very supportive but there was only so much they could do. They couldn't handle his outbursts and the violence and although he had some good days it was only because they weren't placing any demands on him and so he wasn't doing any work on the good days.
I would outright ask them how much work he is doing and is it enough and how much support does he need to produce the work he does? And even if they say 'he doesn't want to' then that also shows that they aren't skilled enough to get him to do his work so he won't able to reach his full academic potential.

Thanks fairgame you sound like you were in the same boat as me. I keep hearing about ds's "spiky profile" and I know what works one day may not work the next. But something's changed these last few months, and I think it's school but it just feels the right time.
... I'm feeling a bit guilty too because part of me is just so sick of the huge fight we've done to get the hours statement and ta and it's not been the answer. I'm not giving up on educating my ds but I'm having trouble with all the specialists privately saying dc do better in mainstream for as long as possible, I'm cross because i keep seeing friends in rl with their children at ss doing so well. And guilt at myself for pushing the ms.
I frickin hate guilt. It can well and truly fuck off.

You know your child better than anyone else, go with your instinct.

You have tried the approach recommended by specialists etc and it hasn't worked. You have tried.

Also bear in mind that needs change, usually depending on the support. So what your Ds needed a year ago, might not be the same now.

Just a quick update. The 3 ss in our authority are full. Cannot squeeze ds in at all. I've said we will have to go independent asd schools then. They want me to wait till July to name this on the our ehcp but won't it be too late to do this once the ehcp is in its final copy, the days will have past to appeal the provision (they want to continue to name the Ms till a ss comes up but could be a year?!

I can't keep ds in Ms next academic year - his self esteem will be in tatters... I don't know how he's going to last another term tbh.. I know my choice of independent asd school is a good 30 mins away and the lea have said there's another asd lea ss that has places but I didn't like it due to a change in leadership and its 50 minutes away. But I'm not sure if the lea can force me to take that option as its bound to be cheaper then my choice of asd independent school.

does anyone have any thoughts?

No don't wait for them to name a school, appeal as soon as the final is done. My LA tried this with me. Once the school is named then youre stuck with it until the next AR or unless the placement breaks down.
If the LEA's choice can meet dc's needs then cost could be taken into account. Travel will also be taken into account and your school is nearer but the LEA might try to argue on grounds of unreasonable public expenditure for the indie ss. If the cost difference isn't too great (including transport costs and costs of therapies) then tribunal may go with parental preference.