Ds's note, how do I help?

[claw2]

Ds wrote a note

"My brother is annoying. I feel like smashing something, like a glass or the TV. I'm worried about homework, although mum says I don't have to. I'm really not looking forward to my birthday cos I have no friends to invite. The people who I want to invite can go jump off a bridge for all I care. They are complete idiots and I'm going to ask mum if I can have a party by myself'

It seems to me that Ds really wants to have friends, but just cannot manage it and this makes him very angry with himself (his brother also bears the brunt of it)

We have tried clubs, play dates etc but Ds really cannot tolerate being around others for longer than about 5 minutes.

Ds does attend an after school club once a week. But others tend to not like being around Ds either and he is often 'picked on'. Yesterday for example in after school club he was bitten.

General others seem to take a dislike to Ds in and out of school. Even at the park other children tell him to go away etc.

Where do I start on helping Ds socially?

That's outrageous! I agree with putting things into context relating to a member of staff (although not necessarily sexual harassment) ... I'd definitely take it further. Dd was bullied in yr 5 by 1 girl, silly things like the girl saying dd work was untidy, kicking her under desk, sneery looks, nasty comments. I told the school a few times and I just said the girl was being unkind but dd was very unhappy, I felt it was just this girl being sly and horrible, I didn't say bullying. School didn't really do much. I then kept a diary - after 1 week I showed it to her class teacher - he was mortified, HE called it bullying as it was happening every day, which constitutes bullying. It was dealt with immediately. I wonder if your ds teachers don't actually realise the extent and just how often it happens. It really did open dd teachers eyes to see it in black and white. You could maybe try that. I just wrote the date in the margin and what happened that day, no matter how small/trivial/insignificant.

Thanks guys for the reply, I needed some time to calm down and clear my head.

Frazzled ds's teacher's should realise the extent, as I have reported every incident of Ds being called names, threats and being hit etc by email to the senco and copied in his class teacher.

I also mentioned in my email yesterday that I had reported numerous incidents to school including name calling, threats, pinching, punching, kicking etc, etc. and explained that appreciate that school deal with incidents, however it's the volume of incidents and the fact the incidents are reoccurring that I am concerned about.

I suppose I could do a list of incidents including dates etc

Z I think the SENCO's attitude is boys will be boys!

I agree if a child did do any of those things to a member of staff, that child would be out of the door before his feet touched the ground!

Ds came home today and told me that his class teacher and TA he reported it to called Ds in today regarding the biting and stone throwing. They spoke to him, then called in the boy who threw the stones (he was also saying some terrible things) and another boy who witnessed it.

Ds told me that stone thrower was a new boy on a trial period and he won't be returning.

He told me boy who bit him has SN's and couldn't be called into the discussion, as 'he has anger issues' but that 'the matter would be dealt with'

Ds also said something that made me feel like he was repeating what was said to him 'I don't want you to think that school don't care about me'

I will reply to their email later. I think my email yesterday might have rattled a few cages

Oh I did! I just gave time to relax a bit first.

Apparently class teacher told him 'we do care about you, but if you do not report these incidents to a teacher, then we can't help you and we don't want your mum to think we don't care about you'

She was referring to the stone throwing and biting. Ds and another boy reported the stone throwing (to the TA who was sat there during this discussion!) and a different teacher witnessed the boy actually biting Ds and stopped him!

I said to Ds but you DID report it to a teacher!

He said she meant the biting!

What a bloody pointless discussion

Yes polter they did call one in, according to Ds stone thrower was on a trial period and won't be coming back to school again.

The bite boy wasn't called in, as according to Ds he has SN's and anger issues.

School haven't told me any of this, just what Ds reported school said

Z I cannot get over the suggestion that other boys and girls are also subjected to what Ds is! And Ds doesn't isn't subjected to any more incidents than other children. Really, so the majority of children are punched, kicked etc on a regular basis!

Anyhow I replied basically saying

If many other children are subjected to this volume of incidents as he suggests, then this is even more worrying and more evident that more support is needed at unstructured times.

School have been outstanding in every other aspect and we would have to agree to disagree for now. That I would continue to report any incident to them.

I will take it up with them again if/when another incident does occur.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Z I don't know any other parents. Ds travels to and from in a taxi and I don't come into contact with them. Ds has no friends etc.

school have replied, back tracking now.

Other children are NOT subjected
To the volume of incidents that Ds is! And incidents are few and far between. Ds IS subjected to greater incidents than other pupils! And staff are doing everything they can to decrease these incidents etc, etc

Your poor ds! I feel for him. You need to take this further as his self esteem will hit rock bottom and I am sorry to say, he could lose confidence in you. You are his voice and advocate. Get in touch with NAS for advice. Shout loud and clear that it has to stop immediately. If necessary get your local mp involved. Sorry but this must be your top priority, cc all concerned into every email. The school need to know that you are now telling other authorities, including your doctor. I'm furious with the school. for you.