Need Help......... any advice?

[ari11]

Sorry if I don't use abbreviations but I haven't posted on here before so am not familiar with the lingo. I would appreciate any advice regarding my 'just 5'son who is having problems at school. Since starting reception last September the teachers have been struggling to manage his behaviour, he doesn't do as he is told, can be aggressive to other children at times (although he does have friends) but is very bright. They brought in some help from the Pupil Referral Unit to advise them on strategies to manage his behaviour such as reward charts, marbles etc which seemed to help slightly. However in the last two weeks his behaviour has deteriorated to the point that the strategies are not working and he is very defiant and won't do as the teachers ask. We have also been told that if he hurts another child he will be excluded temporarily. At home he is completely different, he can be boisterous at times with his older sister but generally is a loving, caring, funny little boy. I can manage his behaviour at home with time outs, sanctions etc, There are some points that do concern me however which is he doesn't seem to cope well with loud noises, can be very impulsive, loud and shouting at times inappropriately, also he struggles with change and loves routine. Today the headteacher and the lady from PRU phoned me to say that they feel he needs further support and assessments. He has been referred to the educational psychologist and the school would like to apply for high needs funding for 1:1 support. When I spoke to the lady from PRU and asked whether I should seek a diagnosis (i know that is a controversial topic) she said it wouldn't do any harm to see the GP and ask for a referral to a Paediatrician. I really am at my wits end on what to do, I really don't want them to exclude him as I feel that he then knows exactly what to do when he wants to go home, also I don't want him to lose the friends that he has. However, I know it is completely not acceptable for him to be aggressive towards other children.

If this situation sounds familiar please let me know as at the moment I feel overwhelmed and unsure what I can do to help him school. I am writing this in tears (would insert sad face smiley but am not sure how!)

Thanks so much PolterGoose, I hadn't thought about keeping a diary but will definitely give it a try to spot any patterns/triggers. I try very hard to keep home and school life separate , I don't punish or reward for school behaviour but I will try and keep home life as chilled :) as possible for him.
Thanks for the advice re: 'the explosive child' will give it try as the more I can do to help him the better.
Will put my brave face back on to do the school run, thanks again

Hi Ari11,

I just want you to know that you are not alone. This sounds very much like my ds is at 6.5 (and was when he was 5)

We have got nowhere with diagnosis, but with a lot of input from school, and many other agencies, they can now control him at school,(usually)
We are in the process of getting the EHCP, to make sure the support he needs it laid down in writing and guaranteed.

All I can advise is accept all help that is offered, you never know what might work. We have found that an Occupational Therapist has been the best help for him so far.

And come back here as many times as you need, there is loads of support and experience on this board.

My ds is the same and unfortunately gas been aggressive with other children at school. For us, a diagnosis helped because we were able to get an ehcp and 1:1 for my ds. This doesn't help all his problems - particularly his outbursts with other children but it's manageable with a TA. It's a really stressful time, I don't know what a school run feels like without that awful feeling of being pulled in by the teachers. If you have access to rl support - really use it. Off load on here too.

Thanks all, its helpful to know I am not alone and am sure I will be visiting this forum a lot in the future! I dread most days in case i get a phone call at work telling me about his behaviour which happens often. I'm not sure what will happen if I get a call asking me to collect him if he is excluded as i work for the health service.......fingers crossed it doesn't come to that.
kojackscat - how did you get the referral to the Occupational Therapist? Was is through the GP or school? I am going to the GP in the morning to ask for a referral to a paediatrician......lets hope its not a battle.

The referral was made and paid for by another agency who is involved. I don't want to say more than that, sorry.

But I am sure there are other ways to get a referral. Perhaps via the GP.

I know that sinking feeling when the school calls. I had to leave my job cos of the number of times I had to collect him, and now he is on a part time timetable, finishing at 1.30 some days, so I can't work at all.
I hope it doesn't get that extreme for you, but in some ways it is one thing that will get people to pay attention and begin to offer help.

Are you applying for an Education and Health Care plan?

Thanks kojackscat, will try the GP tomorrow. It is interesting that your ds is on a part time timetable as I'm sure that would be more suitable for my ds as he struggles with full days, In hindsight I wish I had started him later at school as the school is very target driven and has very high expectations.
We have a meeting at school with the senco, pupil referral unit rep, teachers etc next week and are waiting for an educational psychologist assessment so depending on the outcome a ehcp may be applied for. I may even suggest that as he is in reception does he need to attend full time or could we reduce his hours as I am sure it wont affect him academically as he manages well........when he decides he is going to comply with the teachers. Will need to do a lot of further reading so I can make informed decisions and choices. I am very grateful on all the advice I have received and will keep you posted.

Outcome from GP appointment - have been referred to a paeditrician and have an appt in 2 weeks. Any ideas what to expect or what will happen at the appointment?

crikey, good going!

I have been trying to get a paed appointment since April 2014 to get melatonin, which the GP has agreed DS needs.

I have been fobbed off countless times, now got an appointment with a sleep clinic.......in October!

What part of the country do you live in? I might move there!

Hi, its quick as we are in the very fortunate position that my husband has private healthcare through his work..........I realise I am very lucky to be able to access a paediatrician so quickly. However my ds was excluded from school today for the afternoon so feeling mortified at the moment.......its his first exclusion. I don't support the exclusion as I feel he now knows what to do if he wants to go home. He even said when leaving school today when I asked him about his behaviour that 'if nice no mummy, if bad, mummy! Also even though I banned tv and computer time this afternoon during school hours and did reading and phonics with him he enjoyed the 1:1 time. Also really couldn't face other parents at the school gates when picking my dd up. My husband is meeting with the deputy head now and I have asked him to suggest the following strategies;
Changing to another class as I feel the relationship has broken down between him and his teacher
Reducing his hours then a gradual phased increase if successful
Offering for me to provide 1:1 voluntary support for my ds on the days I don't work - thurs and fri

If there any other strategies or suggestions that you would think might be helpful please let me know. I'm fearful that when he goes back to school on Tuesday I'll get another call asking me to pick him up so I hope the school can offer some immediate support or actions that can help him.

First, get the schools behaviour policy. Read it carefully. They should detail what actions they take to deal with unwanted behaviour.

Then decide if you think they have followed all their own strategies first, exclusion should be a very last resort.

I found that DS was being excluded without other things being done first. They wouldn't even do it officially, just called it a 'send home', which is actually illegal.

If they are following all their proceedures, and he still needs to be excluded, please make sure it is done officially, with correct records being kept, and a letter to you each time.
This will help you to build a case for your DS needing more help to cope with school, and help if you do decide to apply for an EHCP.

Also, if you think a part time timetable would suit him, suggest it, but please think about it very carefully first.

My DS was put part time in October of year R, and hasn't done a full day since (he is now year 1)
Seeing as he had only been full time at school for 2 weeks before this happened, he has practically never had a full school day in his life. which I find very sad, and not how a child should begin their education. This is obvious in the way that he is now falling behind academically, adding to his stress at school, and meaning he needs even more 1-1 input to teach him the things he is missing in class.

I hope the paed appointment is useful, and pleased you have been able to use private healthcare to get it quicker.

Thanks kojackscat for the advice it sounds like your an expert in these matters. Its interesting you say that the exclusion paperwork can help support an application for an EHCP as when my husband met with the school yesterday he felt, although it wasn't said, that maybe the exclusion was a factor in speeding up a application for high needs funding. I really don't know what to think I was up all night thinking how awful it for a little boy who was only 5 two weeks ago to be excluded and the impact it will have on him. Do you know anything about Place2be a charity based organisation that provide counselling for children, parents and schools I think?

Hi ari11,

Have you seen the paed yet? How did it go?

Hi Kojack, thanks for asking, we saw the paed on Saturday but are still none the wiser, he did a cognitive test which showed ds has the cognitive abilities of a 7 yr old but also said he displayed behaviours they may be associated with ADHD. We are waiting for another appointment so he can carry out further assessments. My ds was also excluded for three days last week which didn't help on Monday as he then didn't want to go to school. Also the educational psychologist carried out an assessment on Monday morning so we are waiting for her report which will take 3 weeks. I still don't understand what is going on as my son is generally not too bad at home or the after school club but just cant seem to behave at school. Every day I get a telephone call from the school where they give me details about his behaviour but it just ends up a catalogue of crimes!! Hopefully when we get the results of the further assessments we may......... or may not have further information. Will keep you posted :)