DS 7 ASD inappropriate behaviour with girl

[Freakedoutbythis]

I've named changed as I am really freaked out (as my name change suggests).

DS just 7 has ASD. He has always been very tactile and loves touching skin and having big hugs. He is always kissing and hugging me. He is also very tactile with other adults in the family, granddad, aunts etc.

We were watching his older brother play football earlier today and ds and a girl of similar age who we know were playing close by. They were given instructions on how far they could go. Basically field surrounded by trees, then a perimeter fence, so they can't escape. At one point they went behind some trees so I went to bring them back, when I go there I thought I saw ds pulling the zip up on his onsie (outdoor one)! I asked him what he was doing... nothing was the reply.

I've just talked to him again at bedtime and he has told me that the girl was laying on top of him and he wanted her belly to touch his. He also said they were kissing.

We have been through the NSPCC pants rule on a number of occasions previously because we were going through a showing bum and willy phase (which I thought we put to bed)...

He does not watch adult TV or have access to potentially inappropriate stuff on his ipad. He is never in a situation outside of the home without me (apart from school).

I really don't know what I should do now and could really do with some advice please.

Ok - I think, as a complete amateur - that kids at this age have an interest in their bodies, and in what it feels like.

nt kids may be sneaking off and playing doctors and nurses. So probably not a major panic. It is just that a dc with ASD may find it harder to pick up the signals as to who might be using his naievity so that they can find out more than they could from an nt kid. Equally, a dc with ASD may find it harder to spot where the boundaries are, and risk causing uproar by upsetting a nt child who complains to parents.

The sesnsory seeking behaviour you describe - wanting lots of hugs and touching - is someting that can be calmed outside home with advice from a good OT/Polter's sensory thread.

The only slight concern I have (and I don't want you to panic as statistically the 'doctors and nurses' scenario is surely much more likely) is that children who have been abused, even mildly, by an older child or adult will "act out" what has occurred with other kids. The behaviour is normalised by the actions of the older person and repeated. At this age it is not the repetition which should the centre of attention, obviously, but the source of the behaviour. That's what I learned on child protection course.

So (as an amateur) I suggest a straight rule that kissing and cuddling is for [insert named relatives] only.

I hope this helps

Thanks for replying... very much appreciated

I've calmed down a little and understand they were maybe (hopefully) just curious, but because he doesn't understand boundaries, for instance he sees nothing wrong in hugging adults he doesn't know, there is always the chance that he could innocently overstep the acceptable boundaries. We have done lots of work on this by reiterating what you suggest... "We only hug kiss people in our family". Doing the NSPPC stuff with him. Body parts covered by pants and swimming costumes are private etc. I suppose it was the fact that he had his onesie unzipped that spooked me. But maybe this is more to do with need for body contact and his love of feeling/touching skin. This is a child that strips off to his underwear when at home. As it happens we have an appointment with an OT next week although in our county they don't deal with sensory issues I will raise it with them and see what they say. Will also take a look at the thread you suggest.

Regarding abuse...He has never been in a situation where he has been on his own with another adult, other than me of course. His brother is only 1 years older and the same could be said for him in regards to being alone with other adults. I go to all of their after school activities too. Their DF and I separated just after he was born and moved a four hour drive away and sadly never sees them. Fortunately the boys were so young that they know no different. I have not had another partner since either.

I suppose I need advice as to whether I should broach the subject with the girls mum, (I only know her from school and after school stuff) or leave it because actually the chances are they were just being curious as children are but make sure we keep working on this with ds.

Look up relationship circles as a way of teaching about different boundaries with different people. We did this with DS about hugging - he learned which people were in which circle (self, close family etc) and then taught rules for each group. He quickly learnt only close family for hugs etc.
That doesn't help you with the girls Mum but may help avoid a repetition!

Brilliant Agnes Wasn't aware of this.

Have found some info and this looks like a simple effective way to get the message across. We have used colour coding with other issues, like noise levels which has been successful.