how often does your asd child go into meltdown?

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I am REALLY struggling. Just had third big meltdown today. This one was very violent, as about 50% are.

I am sure you all know what I'm talking about. If you've ever seen the "My violent Child" documentaries on tv, then that is my child.
Today I am really struggling. How much more verbal abuse and physical abuse can I stand?? Just now I really wanted to fight back to defend myself.
DD is 10 in a couple of weeks. Luckily she is small for her age.

Rarely, nowadays. He had a bad one in Sept. Worst for years...don't recall anything significant since then. When he was a toddler it was multiple times daily but we are lucky that he is getting more flexible as he gets older. He is 13.

At 10 it would have been weekly or a couple of times a week.

It would range from a few times a week to a couple of times a day, depending on what stresses he was under. 9-10 was a bad time for him, tbh. He's 16 now, hasn't had what you'd call a meltdown for about four years, but his learning environment is very low stress now and that makes a massive difference.

DS used to meltdown 2-3 times per day when he was younger. Now he has a meltdown most days at school but only 1-2 times per month at home if we are in our usual routine.
I totally understand how drained you must feel. It took about 3 years for me to get on top of DS's meltdowns. I really had to tune into him and work out what he was upset about. Sometimes is was change of routine, sensory, not being able to communicate what he wants or just not wanting to do what i want. Now we have a pretty set routine in place. If anything changes i usually warn him in advance (e.g. hairdressers after school). I think it helps that i understand his triggers and behaviour a lot more now.
DS is very demand avoidant which is why he has more meltdowns at school but he is in a specialist asd school so they are used to it.
I found that the iceberg theory helped as a tool to try and figure out what was the cause of the meltdown.
www.autism.org.uk/working-with/education/educational-professionals-in-schools/breaking-down-barriers-to-learning/behaviour-and-bullying.aspx
NAS also do some books on challenging behavior which are really helpful.

Have you done the Cyngets course? Its a course for parents of older children with asd and help with behaviour and strategies. That's where i learnt about the iceberg theory.

No diagnosis (yet), but before we saw the paed and found out different strategies he was having 2-3 a day, sometimes more, sometimes after school would be one long 6 hour meltdown.
Now as long as everything is predictable and we use the strategies that work, we're down to one or two a week. He still comes home cross from school though and needs loads of supervision and input to avoid meltdown.
Over Christmas he was back to 2-3 a day. Thankfully that's calmed down.

Ours varies hugely, at age 7. We can go for days or evens weeks we barely anything but then we can have a period (like the last few days!) where it's just hideous! We are struggling, mainly because we don't know the cause (if there is one) and what is 'normal' for her age but what's is down to the Asperger's too!

Thanks people. Today was a BAD day. I have no idea what is at the root. There are various things going off, but nothing has changed this week at all.

I expect there will have been things at school that you're not aware of, probably quite minor, that have added up and caused her to tip. There will definitely be some reasons, you just haven't found them yet.

Also, at ten, there could be hormonal changes to consider. Puberty and ASD aren't a jolly mix, I'm afraid.

Is she a young yr 6 or a yr5?

Either way the pressures at this time of yr are pants for our children. Testing and talking about moving up is pretty much constant.

Dd3 was in a mixed yr 5/6 class in yr 5 and by the end was dreading yr 6 because it would mean SATS and secondary.

Our kids are worriers but are often unable to express what is worrying them

And I agree about hormones!

Oops sorry just read she is not 10 yet so yr 5

Also the girls social stuff at school gets very very complicated by the end of primary, Dd3 is totally lost now in terms of social skills. Our Paed goes by the social and emotional development being 2 thirds the chronological age theory for ASD, this makes Dd3 8 socially and emotionally.

Because our girls are usually good at school, schools do nit give them anything like enough support in this or any other area.

Sorry to hear she is taking it out on you, but that is standard I am afraid

hmmmm. hormones. quite a possibility.
We are on to the second one of today. At least dh is home today to help me out.

There are things going on in her life that are unsettling, but why it's come out now I have no idea. Or maybe it's something new.
At least on here you guys know what it's like.
Thanks.

You are never alone on here!